I kept rubbing my forehead while working out how I wanted this to go down. “How did you find out?” I finally asked. I wanted to make damn sure he knew what the situation was before I told him more than necessary.
“We were friends for a lot of years, and one day I finally asked Cody why you never went swimming with us.”
My chin hit my chest, and I sighed. That left no doubt in my mind that he knew everything. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I could ask you the same thing. I’ve known you since we were kids. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want anyone to know,” I whispered. “Not just you, but anyone. I made Cody swear he would never tell anyone. You never said anything before. Why?”
“Because he threatened to drown me if I ever let on that I did,” Joe said with half a smile on his lips.
“I’ve spent years keeping it a secret, and it turns out you already knew.” I shook my head in frustration. “Cody should have told me.”
“Show me,” he said, sitting to the side of me so he could see my face.
“Absolutely not. That’s the last thing that’s going to happen here, Nash.”
A smile tugged at his lips. “There you go calling me by my last name again. I’m not the bad guy, Tobi. I just want to understand.”
“There’s nothing to understand!” I exclaimed, throwing my hands up in the air. “My feet are as deformed as my hands, but there is no way I’m showing you, so forget it.”
“Wait, if Cody was the only one who knew, does that mean no one on the ranch knows either?”
“Caleb, but only because of the therapy school. It’s going to stay that way,” I said, leaning forward and sticking my finger in his chest. “Got it?”
He grasped my finger with his fist and held it. “I’m not going to hurt you, Tobi. You can show me.”
“Oh, so you can go running off with your hands waving in the air and screams of terror filling the night? Thanks, I’ll pass.”
“I deserved that,” he said, bracing his hands on my thighs. His heat sent tiny spirals of desire through me, and I hated that my body would betray me at such an inopportune time. “I’m not twelve anymore, Star. I understand how much that hurt you, and I’ve apologized, but I can’t take it back. All I can do is assure you it won’t happen now.”
I waved my hand in the air before I crossed them over my chest again. “I know, Na—Joe. I don’t show anyone. It’s not just you. It’s bad enough I have to look at them.”
“It’s fair to say that the reason you don’t tell anyone about your feet is low self-esteem?”
“When did you get your psychology degree?”
“Tobi,” he said with a sigh. “Your feet are no different than your hands. They’re the way they are because of a gene mutation you couldn’t control. That isn’t your fault.”
“I know that, Joe, but that doesn’t mean I can’t think they’re ugly, okay? They are. Worse than my hands, if that’s possible,” I said, snapping my hands open and closed.
He covered my hands with his and held them. “Tobi, have you never been with a man before?”
“Oh, I have,” I said immediately, not wanting him to think I’d spent my life pining away for him. Okay, so I had, but a girl has needs. “But only with my boots on, cowboy.”
He rubbed his forehead, and I could tell I was a source of incredible frustration for him. My momma always told me never to let a man walk all over me. Ironic considering the man she was married to, but it was solid advice that I’d made my mantra. I would treat Joe Nash like any other man until he proved otherwise.
He scooted down to the end of the bed and grasped the top of my sock, to which I immediately grabbed his hand. “No! Do not even think about it.” I was crying now. The tears were as evident in my voice as they were in my eyes. “I can’t do this tonight, Joe.”
He didn’t let go of the sock, but he did reach out and wipe a tear from my cheek. “You have to, sweetheart. I won’t continue to let you think you have to be ashamed of your feet.”
I leaned my head back on the pillow and cried silent tears while he took off the three pairs of socks that I’d put on last night to try and hide the deformities. It was an old trick I’d learned when I was in middle school and staying over at a friend’s house. It always worked then, but kids were less likely to ask questions of something that looked normal.
I knew the second he took the last sock off. He didn’t gasp or run away, but there was a silent pause as he took in my foot. I closed my eyes rather than watch him leave.
“Tobi, sweetheart, how do you even walk on this?” His warm hand cupped my left heel, and the sensation made me draw in a breath. He traced a finger across the big toe and then down the little nubs in the wrong places and split through the center. “There’s no way you can balance on this. Is the other one the same?”
He didn’t wait for me to answer. He stripped those socks off, and then gently caressed the outside of my right foot.
