“And I agree, which is the only reason the nurses don’t confiscate your bag every time you show up. Just know that he looks forward to your visit because you are the light, not because you bring the light. Right?”
I nodded but also frowned. I hated to think about Daddy Nash leaving us here alone with only each other for family. I knew it was inevitable and the natural cycle, but I didn’t have to like it.
“You need to go to him, even if you’re angry, Joe. Nothing can be fixed once one party leaves this earth.”
“I know,” he whispered, and I saw the honesty of those words in his eyes. He knew he owed the man who’d raised him that much. “I’ll go tomorrow. I don’t have to like what he did, but I do have to respect that he did it.”
“He’s four times the man my father was, if that makes it easier to put in perspective. Are we good now, Jo-Jo?”
“I don’t know, my little Christmas star, are we good now? That question can be asked from both sides, and the answers have to match.”
He kept caressing my temple and gazing into my eyes as though they held the answer instead of my words. I still wanted him to hear them. “As far as I’m concerned, the past is behind us now, Joe. Can we just be friends?”
I saw the relief in his eyes before he could say a word, and happiness spread through me to know I’d put it there. He had suffered enough because of me. It was time to extend the olive branch.
“That’s all I’ve ever wanted, Tobi. To be your friend and take care of you. There’s a draw between us that I can’t explain. All I know is, there are days where I have to come out here and see you, just to quell the ache in my chest. A part of my little-boy heart has always had a crush on you, Tobi Star.”
“My little girl heart feels the same, Joe,” I admitted. If we were being honest, I might as well go all in, right? The worst thing that could happen was he finds someone else to love. I always assumed that was a given.
“Tonight, standing out here with you in the darkness as the snowflakes fall, it feels like a rebirth. Thank you for accepting my apology and offering yours.”
He slid his hand around my waist to my back and tugged me up against him. “Joe,” I whispered, words failing to form in my mind as he gazed at me with a hunger I’d never seen in his eyes before.
Then his lips were on mine, asking for permission before they went any further. I wrapped my arm around the back of his neck to get closer, and that was all he needed to take the kiss where he wanted it to go. Was I dreaming? The snowflakes on my face told me I was wide awake. In seconds, he mastered the way my lips wanted to be kissed. I was living the dream I’d had since I was old enough to understand why a man kissed a woman. No one had ever kissed me like Joe. There had been plenty of kissing in college, but nothing that held the emotional punch Joe’s lips did tonight.
I pressed myself into him to get closer, to feel more. He was hard lines of muscle but all gentle with his touch. He kept one hand splayed across my back while his other hand held my cheek. A moan left his throat and traveled out into the night as his tongue traced the slit of my closed lips, searching for entry. I had a nanosecond to ask myself if I wanted the kiss to go deeper when he didn’t know the whole truth about me. Could I accept his kisses, knowing that eventually they’d end and I’d be alone again?
My lips fell open, and his tongue darted in, the sensation unlike any I’d ever experienced before. This man knew how to kiss a woman, and he did it at a heat level that was most unexpected considering our past. The sensation of his tongue sliding along mine to cuddle there as two lovers was my undoing. Tears filled my eyes when the realization struck me that tomorrow morning, I’d have to face reality. A life without his kisses. Knowing that was the inevitable end, I pushed his tongue back and took control with my own. I would take what I could get while he offered it and hold the memory in my heart forever.
Chapter Seven
I sat in my truck and stared at the building that held the last of my past. I knew I had to go in there and talk to the man who raised me like his son, but I still didn’t know what to say. I wished Tobi was here. She would know how to bring us together in a way that opened the lines of communication rather than let emotion close our ears.
I couldn’t get the taste of her out of my head or my heart since we’d kissed last night. She was sweetness and spice all wrapped into one tiny body. I ran my hand down my face. I was such a jerk when we were kids, and that might be the reason I never got the girl. I would respect her decision if that’s the one she makes, but I wouldn’t like it. The kiss gave me hope, though. She was a willing participant, something I never thought I’d say. I’ve been in love with Tobi Star since she was an eighteen-year-old girl sobbing on my shoulder when I delivered the news no one ever wanted to hear. The moment I held her in my arms, my whole life changed. Looking back, I probably had a crush on her from the very beginning. First, as a little boy and then, as I grew, waiting for her to grow up and find me again. She did, but it was in the worst possible way.
I sighed and glanced at my phone. I wanted to call Tobi and ask her to meet me here, but I couldn’t. I had to deal with Alfred myself without relying on her to lead the conversation. I owed that to Alfred. I climbed from the truck and walked to the nursing home door. There was an indescribable feeling in my gut. Regret and fear that this could be goodbye were mixed in there too.
I stopped at the desk to sign in, but the desk was unattended. Usually, I asked the charge nurse how he was doing before I went down to see him, but that wouldn’t happen today. Maybe that was for the best. I couldn’t let anything stop me from talking to him. I couldn’t let him leave this world without a final discussion between us.
I strolled down to his room and noticed a nurse with him. “Oh, I’ll wait outside,” I said, and she nodded, holding up one finger as she straightened the bedsheets over the waiflike man in the bed. I never noticed how much he had shriveled in on himself since the stroke, but it was never more evident than today.
I leaned on the wall outside his room until the nurse stepped out. She took my arm and motioned me down the hallway a bit. “He’s had another stroke, Joe.”
My chin fell to my chest for a moment, and I sucked up a deep breath. “Why didn’t anyone call me?”
“I was just about to, but I had to take care of my patient first. He’s been seen by the doctor, but they can do nothing now. It’s only a matter of time. He can no longer speak, but he can hear and blink his eyes.”
“Are we talking days or weeks, Cindy?” I’d gone to school with Cindy, and she was one of the best nurses this facility had, so I knew she’d give it to me straight.
“Hours.”
“Hours?” I asked in shock, my shoulders going back as though my authority over this town could somehow change the outcome. “You said he was still awake and could hear and blink his eyes.”
“He can, but his brain is bleeding, and it’s only a matter of time before he closes his eyes for good. I’m sorry, Joe. Go sit with him. Is there anyone I can call for you?”
“Tobi Star,” I said in a trance. “Call Tobi Star. She should be here.”
She pushed me toward the room and assured me she would do that now. I stood at the door just staring at the man in the bed for minutes before I could get up the courage to step through it. I faced death nearly every day in my job, but that was completely different than sitting with the man you loved as a father as he took his last breath.
