“Okay. Okay. I’m serious.” But there was still humor dancing in her eyes.
“Kenni!”
She pulled her lips in and tried to put on a serious expression.
“What am I going to do with a baby, Kenni. I’ll be forty in two months. I thought I couldn’t have kids.”
I sat across from her and whined to her just as I did to Kalia. Because hell… I was not okay.
“You are going to be a great mother, Jameela. You’ve wanted kids for forever, and now you are being blessed with a little bundle of joy.”
“Yeah, I was supposed to be married, and living in my happily-ever-after bubble, with the big house and white picket fence and shit.”
“Not to burst that little bubble, but girl, you do know Brian wasn’t going to be able to buy you none of that shit.Youwould have been buying, and probably putting that picket fence up, all by your damn self. But here’s a more realistic vision… you still can have all of that. Even if it is on your own. You're an amazing person and I'm sure you’ll be even more of an amazing mom.”
I laughed and wanted to throw something else at her, but she was right. Brian was broke as shit with no damn ambition… he definitely wasn’t going to get me my big house with the white picket fence. Bad enough I had to buy the townhouse we lived in.
“I feel you, girl. It’s just that I put the idea of kids out of my mind. And I ain’t never think that my ass was going to be a single mother, out here struggling in these streets.”
“First of all, did you forget that your salary comes out of my salary? You are not struggling out here in nobody’s damn streets. You have plenty to take care of a child. Shit, you make enough to hire a damn nanny if you want. Leave those negative ass thoughts where they are.”
“Kenni, I know I’m being overly dramatic, but I am scared. How do I look my child in the eyes in thirty-two weeks and explain to them that I don’t know who his or her daddy is?”
“Second of all… I guess I should just keep a running tally, because your ass is on one… your little baby ain’t gonna understand that until at least a year or two in. So, hell… you have time to find ya baby daddy.”
I couldn’t help but laugh because Kennedy was a true fool sometimes.
Continuing she said, “You better start putting them investigative skills to the test again. Cause if anyone can play P.I., it’s ya ass. Because baby…. The way you buried Crumm’s ass… I’m sure you’ll be able to find your baby daddy faster than a side bitch finds her man’s cell phone while he’s asleep and texts his main bitch!”
Kennedy was too much. I always got the wired up, crazy Kennedy after her weekend getaways, and right now was proving to be no different.
“You know… I cannot with you right now! But I guess you’re right.”
“I know I am, Meela. On a serious note though, in the meantime, Andreas and I got your back. We’re here for whatever you need. This will give us some practice for when we decide to jump off that bridge.”
I rolled my eyes, because did she have to word it that way? Like having a kid was the equivalent to death, by jumping off a damn bridge.
“Well thanks…” I murmured and got up from the chair. “I’m going back to work.”
4
Four - Ahmad
It’s been two months and I still couldn’t get MiMi off my damn mind. The way she swooped in and bussed it down of a brotha, then bounced, still had me in a total mind fuck. I’ve tried getting my mind off of her, but nothing worked. Not diving deep into another woman, and damn sure not beating my dick to the images of her too many times to count.
“My Pakistani Black man! What it do my brotha?!”
My colleague and close friend, Daran interrupted my thoughts, and I couldn’t even keep the laugh down. Most of my friends would never let it go that I was half Pakistani and half Black. When I shared my ethnicity with anyone, they just stared at me.
At this point, I really tell people just to throw them a monkey wrench. I didn’t even know my damn dad, who apparently was from Pakistan and was in D.C. on a student visa, attending George Washington University School of Law. His visa ended once he graduated and he returned to his country, promising my mom that he would return for us.
He never did.
Growing up, people were always curious about my natural, deep bronzed skin tone, and matching eyes. So, I found myself explaining a lot about the half of me I didn’t know, nor identified with.
Quite frankly, the constant reminder burned. I was angry that a man could get a woman pregnant, put her up in a fancy apartment, leave, then never return. That man really left my mom with a one-year-old and a lease that she couldn’t afford to renew. So, we ended up in the hood, trying to survive.
I knew it was a running joke with Daran, but times like this, when my mind was already a jumbled mess, just the mention of that side of me caused me to get lost in angry thoughts.
