He exhaled. “The security guard is coming in an hour, we ought to talk about what you need, what your security looks like so I can give him orders.”
“Yes, we definitely should, but maybe we can talk about what’s bothering you?”
“What’s bothering me is that you had an affair.”
“But I didn’t, I?—”
“Of course you did, I can see it in the way you’re acting.”
“I didn’t, I didn’t do anything with, um…” I gulped, because it slammed into me that I was lying, because I had kissed him. I had been living with him, touching him, laughing with him, and it had meant a lot.
He said, “You can’t even look me in the eyes and say it. You can’t finish the sentence — you had a freaking affair with that guy. I told you. I told you this was happening. He took advantage of you while you were kidnapped. How do we even know he didn’t arrange for you to be kidnapped?”
“Of course not, that’s not what’s happening. Torin had nothing to do with it.”
“Well, it still worked out very well for him.”
“I didn’t sleep with him! I wouldn’t do that to you.”
He huffed. “This isn’t real, you know. You barely know him and he’s not coming back, he said he wasn’t. So whatever is going on, it’s not a real relationship. Not like ours.” He wagged his finger between us. “We’ve been together for years, we live together, and we’re a team. At least I thought we were.”
I sank into a chair. “I don’t think we’ve been a team for a long time, Cooper. You’re trying to get a business off the ground. I’m puttering around my ancestral home. We just… we have been in a doom loop for a while.”
“That’s not true. Look, I’m sorry I didn’t ask you to marry me, I didn’t realize, I know I’m dumb as hell. I get that, I didn’t know. I didn’t understand what was happening with the dinner at Fall’s Landing, I didn’t get it?—”
I said, “Jen told you? That sucks.”
“Yeah, she told me, I feel like a fool.”
“Yeah, well, not as foolish as me. It’s embarrassing.”
“I’m so sorry, Lexi. Can we figure this out? I’ll be better. I’ll pay more attention. We can get married. I mean… we can start planning what that would look like, right? In the future…”
I nodded, more along with his words, than their meaning. Then his voice trailed off.
I said, “I don’t think so, Coop, I think we both know that this isn’t working.”
He shook his head. “Don’t tell me what I think, I already said I was in the wrong. I see that — I did a lot of thinking out on the porch. I see how alone you’ve been and how much I ignored you, focusing on my own shit. I see it, I’m…” He shook his head sadly. “Can you forgive me? We can try again. I’ll be better. Let’s talk about getting married.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think we should keep going.”
“But…”
I frowned. “And honestly Cooper, why would you want to marry me now?”
I waited, and he didn’t answer.
“Because you didn’t want to marry me, until you thought you had lost me.”
“That’s not exactly what…”
“From my position that’s exactly what it looks like. You had no intention of asking me, didn’t even consider it. Never crossed your mind, even when I was saying, ‘Oh I thought the fancy dinner you planned was important.’ Eventhenyou didn’t think of it, that’s how far out of your mind it was.”
He said, “I admit it, I’m dumb.”
“If Jen hadn’t mentioned that, you know what you’d be thinking right now?”
He groaned. “I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”
