Then, suddenly, we were through.
We pulled behind the curve of a cliff face, a narrow stream cascading down its side. The stillness felt shocking.
Torin swung down from Lambo, steady as ever. “I dinna realize the wind was so fierce. But we are done with it now. We descend, and then only a few more hours.” He held out his arms. “Come, I’ll take ye down.”
I let him lift me, my legs shaky as they hit solid ground.
“There’s a bush there for ye tae relieve yerself,” he pointed, calmly, as if we hadn’t just had a near-death experience. “I will unpack our food.”
Dude’s head emerged from the saddlebag, ears flat, whiskers twitching, looking upset to be awakened. Torin said, “I ken, cat, but ye ought tae handle yer business quick, we must get on the road again.”
I put out my palm. “I need the balm, my arse is chafed.”
He chuckled, dug out the little pot, and pressed it into my hand.
“You ought not chuckle, Torin, this is not funny.” I stalked behind a bush, “There are a great many indignities, traveling this way, in this time.”
His voice came back, sounding amused, “Aye, tis true. That’s why we laugh, Princess, else we would spend all our days bemoanin’ and not goin’ anywhere at all.”
I lowered my panties, crouched, and pissed, and spent a moment really thinking about trying to take a poop, really really thinking about it — but nothing. I sighed and stood up, smeared some balm on my thighs, adjusted the cloak and plaid, and returned to the horses.
Torin passed me a hunk of bread and some dried meat. I chewed and chewed and chewed. “This is so dry! Why’s all the bread have to be so dry? What have we got to drink?”
He said, “Ye can drink from the stream.”
“Oh.” I looked over at the rushing water. “Like… out of myhands?” I turned my hands over, they were brown with filth. “The problem is my hands are dirty and how do you even know the water is clean?”
“Tis clean, that is clear rushin’ water, straight from the hill. When ye put yer hands in the stream they will be clean. Yer problem inna a problem, Princess, ye just hae tae look.”
I frowned, crossing to a rock beside the cascade. I dipped my hands in.
“Cold!” I gasped. The water was ice, biting my skin. I rubbed fast, scrubbing dirt away, then cupped my hands and lifted them to drink.
I filled them again, then did it again, water dripping from my chin, I sat back on the bank. “Man, I was thirsty, that’s better. Maybe now I’ll get some action in my um… digestive system.”
He cocked his head. “What dost ye mean? Ye mean ye haena taken a shite yet?”
“Torin!”
He said, “Ye haena, I ken I ought not mention it, but ye haena... so I was wondering why nae?”
“I’m sluggish, um…” I straightened up and put my hands on my hips. “You’re right, I haven’t, you know, relieved myself in a few days,actuallymore than a few days.”
He scoffed. “But what dost ye mean, relievin’ yerself? Ye just did, behind the bush, ye did yesterday as well. Ye dinna shite then?” He popped the last hunk of bread into his mouth and chewed.
I blew hair from my face. “No, Imeantrelieving myself, takin’ a poo, or a… you know, going to…” I rolled my arm, searching for the polite word.
“Taking a shite. Tis what I said, why nae…?”
“I don’t know!”
“Tis nae matter, Princess, I daena believe ye ought tae worry on it.”
“Why not? It’s been days, I’m not sure it’s okay to go for days without, you know…”
“Tae shite?”
“Yes. That can’t be good.”
