Devin
Isettle into the backof the cab and try to wrap my head around everything that’s happened today as the snow continues to fall on the streets of New York City. Everyone is just going about their business as they head toward their weekend of last-minute shopping and holiday festivities, none the wiser that so much shit has happened in the lives of others today. No psychos trying to burn off their face or fake girlfriends who want to check on you.
Seeing Arianna threw me for a loop, but with everything else happening, I didn’t have time to overthink her presence. I had no idea she was in the waiting room until I was being wheeled toward the exit in a wheelchair. Sebastian explained she’d come with him and Jax, but he’d forgotten all about her in his haste to find out what was going on with me. She was nice and polite. She said she just wanted to make sure I was all right. Then she was gone. It was all very surreal.
My focus quickly shifted from her as soon as I felt the cold winter air on my cheeks as we exited the hospital. I couldn’t help but look around, wondering if Crystal was just around the corner... watching... waiting. I practically scrambled into the idling taxi.
“Thank you for coming to the hospital,” I tell Sebastian, glancing over at him, unsure of what happens next as I try to divert my attention from the fact Crystal could be anywhere.
He sighs. “You don’t have to thank me.”
“I feel like I do, though. I don’t know... my emotions are all over the place. It feels like I’ve lived a year in the span of one day.” Looking away from him, I stare out the window, watching as the cars go by. “Arianna seems nice.”
“She is.” He places a hand on my thigh, then uses the other to turn my head toward him with a long finger under my chin. “What’s wrong, Devin? Talk to me. You’ve been bouncing your leg since we got in, and you seem very uneasy. I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me. Are you in pain? Does your head hurt?”
I take a deep breath and try to form a coherent sentence that will make sense of the mess in my head. “She could be anywhere, Sebastian. If you’re right and this has been her from the beginning, she’s been stalking you for months. She knows where you live, your schedule, everything. She could be lurking anywhere, waiting to strike again. What happens if next time it’s a gun or a knife or more fucking acid?”
He rubs his hand up and down my thigh. “Relax, princess,” he coos. “She can’t get into my building, remember? You’re safe there.”
“Are you sure you even want me to come back to your place?” I ask between deep breaths as I stare at his handsome features, hoping they’ll ease the swell of panic inside me. “I wouldn’t be mad if you said no. We’re all out of whack. Things haven’t been worked out between us, and I haven’t proven anything. I don’t want you to do this out of pity or obligation. I don’t blame you for this, Sebastian.”
He shifts himself in the cab, wraps his arm around my shoulders, and pulls me into his body. “You could have died, Devin. If Crystal had better aim and hit you with the acid in the way I’m sure she intended, I could have lost you. If that acid had gotten you in the face and you inhaled it or, worse, ingested some of it, I wouldn’t have you in my arms at this very moment. When Mark told me you were attacked, I felt this sickness deep in my gut. Yes, we have things to work out, but right now, let’s worry about getting you home and keeping you safe. I want you home with me. I want to take care of you.”
Everything between us has changed so drastically since the day we first met. Hell, things are radically different from this afternoon, and I’m not even sure how it happened. In the beginning, I fought so hard to protect myself from him, and now all I want is to feel his love. He’s my lifeline right now, and I don’t know what to do with that. There’s still so much to work through, but at the same time, he’s right. I could have died, and Crystal is still out there, lurking and most likely waiting for her second chance to finish what she started tonight.
* * *
I liein Sebastian’s bed, encased in his silk sheets and warm down comforter, flicking through Netflix for something to take my mind off the heaviness of today. Despite knowing I’m completely safe inside Sebastian’s penthouse fortress, I can’t seem to stop listening for sounds of Crystal climbing the fire escape outside, ready to jump through the window.
“Hungry?” Sebastian’s voice booms in the room, and I jump up in bed, heart pounding. “Sorry.” He cringes. “I brought you food and your pain medicine.”
“Thank you,” I reply as I sit up, my attention drawn back to the large wall of windows. “There’s no way Crystal can make it up the fire escape, right?”
He takes a seat on the bed, handing me a plate with grilled cheese and a small bowl of tomato soup on the side. “It’s not much, but it’s something. I’ll have to order groceries in the morning, and no, she can’t, not unless she wants to climb up sixty floors like Spiderman.”
I nod. Moving slow, I settle into the bed and take a bite of my sandwich. Within minutes, the sandwich is gone and I’m moving on to the soup. I guess I didn’t realize how hungry I was.
“Thank you for this.”
Sebastian side-eyes me, swallowing a bite of his dinner. “For what?”
“For taking care of me and being kind.”
The mood in the room shifts the moment the words leave my lips, but instead of becoming angry and hostile, the mood takes a softer turn as Sebastian grabs my empty plate and places it on the nightstand with his own.
“Why do you keep saying things like that?” He turns toward me. “Someone viciously attacked you today. Just because my feelings are hurt, doesn’t mean I don’t care. I want you here, Devin. I need you here. I want to help you heal. I don’t think we should be having this conversation now. There are more important things to worry about, but I guess we need to because I’m not going to keep doing this with you. Yes, we had a fight. Yes, things were said, but this happens all the time in relationships. It’s normal. We have things to work out. It’s like you expect me to treat you as a beggar on the corner rather than someone I care about.”
Tears well in my eyes as regret fills my heart. A sob rips from my throat, and I glance up at Sebastian, letting him see all the remorse I feel as everything inside me erupts and pours out. All emotions from the day boil over, wanting release. “I hurt you so badly, Sebastian. I shouldn’t have said you were a fling. I was so ang—” My words are cut off when he reaches over and pulls me into his chest, holding me tight.
“Princess, don’t apologize for how you felt.”
I bawl into his chest as everything from the past few weeks barrels through me with the full force of a freight train, shattering me into a thousand jagged pieces. Everything has been so crazy. This is the first time I’ve actually allowed myself to feel the barrage of emotions I’ve been suppressing, trying to be strong through all that’s happened to us.
He rubs small circles on my back, and I feel his heart hammering in his chest as he breaks the moment of silence. “You need to let this go, Devin. We’ll fix this. You said something harsh in the heat of the moment. We’ve all done it. You’re human and you were scared. I may not have understood it at the time, but I do now.”
He pauses and waits until I peel my face from the warm security of his chest and look up at him. “I need you to understand something though. It wasn’t what you said that hurt me. It was everything else. You were only thinking about yourself—about your career. I completely understand how important your job is to you, and I love that about you, but I want to be important to you too. Honestly, in that moment, you made me feel as if I didn’t matter to you at all—that this was only happening to you and the only thing that mattered was how you came out of this. That hurt, princess.”
His words throw me for a loop. I swipe at my tears and stare at his beautiful blue eyes filled with so much hurt. “I was being selfish. I was angry and scared, and I didn’t know how to handle it. I panicked and needed someone to blame. I lashed out at you, and for that I’m sorry.”
Sebastian moves, taking me in his arms and laying us down on the bed, my back against his front. I revel in the feeling of his warmth and the caress of his fingertips as he traces the curves of my hips.
Being with him just feels right. I’m safe with him. Even when I wanted it to be wrong, my feelings didn’t change. Sebastian is a part of me now, whether I wanted it to happen or not.
“I doubt I could handle that again.” He breathes into my hair. “I can’t feel as if I don’t matter to you. It’s an unbearable pain. I can’t love someone who doesn’t love me the same way. It will destroy me.”
Hearing the word “love” tumble from his lips, I tip my head up. “You matter. You’ve always mattered. I do love you the same way, Sebastian.”
“I love you… so fucking much,” he whispers, placing a kiss on my forehead. “I was so scared today. The thought of losing you... God, it hurts. I never want to feel like that again. I promise you, princess, I’ll do everything in my power to not let anyone hurt you again.”
I wrap myself up in Sebastian, tucking my head in the crook of his neck. We lie in silence without a need for words, the pain medicine from the hospital slowly taking me away to another life, another world.
