I fucking loved when they manhandled me. Looking him in the eye, I waited for his next move.
“I don’t think you understand how important you are to me.” His voice grew gravellier as it clogged with emotion. “I tried to erase you from my heart, tried to fuck you out of my system, but I couldn’t. None of them were ever you.”
I choked out a half laugh-sob, and felt oddly satisfied about that. “That’s not what it looked like at Kara’s party all those months ago.”
He at least looked contrite. “I couldn’t come after you left. In fact, I haven’t been able to come with anyone else since you came back in January.”
Shit, if that wasn’t romance, I didn’t know what was. Funny, how such a stupid thing could ease my jealousy. “That had to hurt your ego.”
“It did… and probably fueled my rage. I’m sorry again for wrapping my hand around your throat. That was uncalled for.”
I tried to looked away from him, but he still held my chin in his grip and immediately nudged me back when I moved. “I’ve never seen you look at me like that before—that rage and utter hatred for me—I’ve never been afraid of you before that moment.” My voice was soft as I admitted the truth.
He finally let go of my chin as horror washed over his face. I could see the shame in his eyes. I reached up and put my hand on his cheek, needing to touch him. “Maya…” Tears welled in his stormy gray eyes, and I rubbed my thumb over his chiseled cheek bone and waited, giving him the time to think out what he wanted to say. “I’m so sorry. I never—fuck.” He cleared his throat. “God, baby.” He groaned and his tears fell down his face.
I wiped his tears away, bringing my other hand up to his other cheek.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Maya.” Jason muttered, closing his eyes.
“I’m not going to sayit’s ok, because it really isn’t,” I murmured. “I will say that I know things have changed since then, and I know you feel worse about it than I’d ever want you to feel. I can forgive it this one time, but Jason,” I shook my head sadly, “if you ever do something like that again, I’m gone. Even if I’m still with Marcos and Nico, me and you would be done forever. I won’t be another domestic abuse statistic.”
A sob broke out of him and his eyes closed. His body shook as he began sobbing in earnest. I dropped my hands from his and wrapped my arms around his back, leaning into him. He buried his face in the crook of my neck and pulled me tighter against him. We sat that way for a long while, my own tears trailed silently down my face as I rubbed his back.
Eventually he pulled back and wiped his own tears away. “I promise you, Maya. You don’t have to worry about that ever happening again—it won’t. And I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”
I nodded my head once, reaching up to brush his tears away again. “Ok.”
He nodded himself once, as if unsure of what else to say.
“Tell me about not being able to get off with the Devil’s Chasers.” I smirked up at him.
“Ah fuck.” He groaned and shook his head. “It happened on and off over the last ten years, any time I’d think about you, really. If I tried to erase your memory with another woman, it happened. And then when you moved back in January, it’s been since then.”
I laughed wryly. “Good.”
He grinned brightly, his white teeth sparkling despite the dim light of the moon.
“I wanted to bash that bitch’s face in, anyways.”
“Always my little brawler.” Jason chuckled.
I rolled my eyes.
“How do we do this?” Jason asked, changing the subject. “How do we both just forgive and forget?”
“We don’t forget.” I shook my head. “We can’t—the pain is too real. We won’t ever forget it.” I sighed heavily, taking a moment to compose my thoughts. “Honesty. Honesty is the only way forward. Both of us need to be open with each other, communicate our feelings constantly. I know that’s hard for both of us, but Jason, there’s no other way at this point. We both need to work constantly, every single day going forward on our relationship if we want this to work. I’ve said the same thing to the other two, being open and honest is the only way forward.”
“Yeah,” he grunted.
“I need to be a priority. I hate that I even have to ask for that; I feel like it should be a given in a healthy relationsh—”
“Youarea priority. You always were.”
“The clubalwayscame first. And I know it will again, and most of the time I will understand that…” I shook my head andtrailed off. I needed a minute to gather my thoughts again. I swallow thickly as emotions choke me up again. “My son will always be my number one priority,” I settled on. “His happiness and safety will always come first, as will the happiness and safety of any more children we may have down the line.”
“You want more children?” Jason asked, his voice higher than normal.
I rolled my eyes, “Please, like I didn’t see the three of you salivating at the thought of it when you saw me with Lilah this morning.”
