And I kinda wanted to stick my feet in it.
“I’m sorry you couldn’t go to Chicago this weekend,” Jason’s voice is soft over the speakers in the helmets.
I startled nonetheless. Needing to be face to face with him, I made quick work of the helmet straps and pulled it off my head. I fixed my messy hair as Jason pulled his own helmet off. I slid off the bike and set my helmet on my seat and stepped away so Jason can dismount. He quickly swings his leg over in a practiced motion while undoing the straps of his helmet. Once he placed his own helmet on the handlebar, he looked over at me.
“Are you upset?” he asked.
I shake my head honestly. “No. I knew tonight was important for the club—for you guys. I just saw my sister last week, and I never told her or Luke I was going, so it’s not a big deal.”
“But you wanted to go and had to cancel because of us. That still means something.”
I shrugged.
“Don’t do that.” Jason stepped closer to me, shaking his head. “Don’t just disregard how you feel.”
I snort out a disbelieving laugh and shake my head. “Jason, it’s not the first time I’ve had to put aside my wants or needs because of the club. And with the way things are going, it won’t be the last time either.”
Jason hissed out a breath. “I don’t like that.”
I shrugged and looked away from his intense gaze. He could not like it all he wanted; the fact of the matter was, in this life, that was the luck of the draw.
Jason grabbed my hand and turned toward the beach. I went easily with him, wanting to move on from this argument and check out the water. “Shit, hold on.” He dropped my hand and headed back to the bike.
I waited, watching him pop his trunk and pull out a blanket and a cooler.Be still my aching heart. What the fuck was thisman up to? Jason rarely did romantic gestures, but when he did, he did them in spades.
He handed me the blanket when he reached me, and I quickly tucked it under my other arm while reaching for his hand again. I fucking loved holding his hand.
“That truce didn’t last long,” I said.
“What do you mean? We’re still under a truce.” He shot me a smirk.
I rolled my eyes and a smile tugged at the corner of my lips. I refused to give him more than that though.
We walked for a little while, until we found an alcove in the grassy knoll that formed a u-shape cut out in a sand dune, giving us a sense of privacy. Jason set down the cooler before he reached for the blanket and unfolded it in a whipping flourish and laid it down on the sand.
Settling down, we both watched the waves in the moonlight, letting the quiet fall between us. It was so soothing, so fucking romantic, and the jerk with me always had one card up his sleeve, just waiting to spring on me.
“You told Luke we were together,” he murmured.
I nodded slowly, the knowledge that we were going to have this conversation weighed on me. It needed to happen, but I still felt like a lead weight settling onto my shoulders. “Yep.”
He turned his head to meet my gaze. “Why?”
“Why do you keep holding my hand?” I countered.
He huffed and reached for my hand again. I rolled my eyes and laced my fingers with his as we both looked back to the ocean. “I know shit is rocky right now between us, but holding your hand is the only way I know how to show you I still care, even if I can’t express the words.”
I knew that already, I did, but it was still nice to hear him say it.
“Truth is, I never stopped loving you and it tore me to pieces when you left us without a word.” His voice is low, sending shivers down my spine.
Tears welled in my eyes and I knew they’re only the first of many. I nodded, “I know, I never doubted that.”
“Yes, you did, I put that doubt in your head, just like you put the same doubt in ours.”
I nodded, a sob escaping me.
“I don’t know how we do this, how we move forward… but I know I don’t want to live another day without you by my side. I don’t want that doubt between us anymore.” He reached over and wrapped his arms around my knees and waist and physically hauled my ass onto his lap. I barely settled, straddling him, when he grabbed my chin between his thumb and forefinger, and jerked my face so I’d meet his gaze.
