Shit, I thought, watching Nico’s face fall.
“Maya,” Nico tried.
“No!” Maya’s voice cracked, as she became overcome with emotion.
I carefully stepped into the room, watching her warily. “Maya?” I asked.
She turned to glare at me instead. “What?” she snapped.
“Are you ok?” I asked her, trying to keep my voice gentle.
“Clearly not. Why the fuck do you care?”
Regret sank my heart to my stomach as her anger rolled over me. I deserved that, absolutely. “I’m sorry I lef—”
“Fuck off, Marcos,” Maya cut me off. “I don’t want to hear your shitty excuse for always leaving me the fuck alone.”
Holy shit, I thought. She sure the fuck was letting me have it. For the first time in like ever—I could see a hint of the old Maya in her anger.
Glancing at Nico, I could see he was just as dumbfounded as I felt. At least it wasn’t just me, then. “You’re absolutely righ—”
“I know I’m right, Marcos. Just go already. I don’t want to see you right now. You too, Nicolai,” Maya snapped at both of us.
I immediately felt bad for Nico, though. His face fell as he turned to her. “Maya.”
“Please, Nic.” She didn’t even look at him.
I backed out of Maya’s room as Nico slowly slid off her mattress. I gave them their privacy if Nico was going to try to talk to her again. It was clear that I was an issue, and I didn’t want to create more issues between the two of them when they had been doing so well before—well before everything happened.
Back in my bedroom, I threw myself on my mattress before my door opened and Nico stormed in. “You’re a fucking dick all the fucking time,” he announced.
I could only nod in agreement, because my brother was right of course. “Yep.”
“Going forward, you don’t get to call the shots when it comes to her. She’s MINE, not yours anymore. I get the say on what happens, and we will NEVER leave her alone. Ever. Again. You fucking hear me?” Nico was towering over me at the edge of the bed by the time he finished his rant.
I nodded. “Of course, brother. You’re absolutely right.”
Nico shook his head, clearly upset at my easy agreement. “Fuck you,” he snapped, before he turned on his heel and left my bedroom.
“Yeah,” I agreed numbly. “Fuck me.”
Maya
Sitting alone in the bedroom in the middle of night after I kicked both men out, I silently cried, tears pouring down my face. It wasn’t fair. I hated how things had ended up between all of us. I hated that I’d been raped and used and fucking filmed for some revenge fucking porn by Hillcrest. I hated that I was too fucking weak to fight back and that I couldn’t kill the mother fucker myself.
Most of all, I hated that I was back in this fucking house like the ten fucking years of torture and torment hadn’t happened. I hated how Marcos and Jason were just acting like shit wasn’t still all fucked up between us.
Nico hadn’t treated me like the other two had when I came back. Somehow, he knew from the get-go that I hadn’t left of my own accord. Marcos and Jason though, they had believed every lie I told them. I shouldn’t blame, but I couldn’t help it. They took me at face value and didn’t dig deeper. They saw what I showed them, and that was it.
It hurt. It hurt more than I cared to admit. I think back to all those years ago, when I was last in this house, hiding something from them that they never realized… and I can’t help but wonder if they hadn’t been so invested in other things, would they have noticed back then?
It was something I’ve brought up to my therapist several times over the years, and she always gave me the same answer.You can’t live your life in the what-ifs. The fact of the matter was, they hadn’t noticed, and I hadn’t told them. Can’t expect them to suddenly be mind-readers.
It still hurt. And I still didn’t want to deal with them. There was too much fucking history there and the what-ifs broke my heart.
Watching Nico walk out of my bedroom just now had been hard. It wasn’t his fault the other two left me—us—home alone. He had gone to a family dinner. It was a Sunday night and Nico was required—though I wished he wasn’t. The events that happened after dinner, that could have been different.
I lay back down on my side in bed, staring blankly into the dimly lit room. I made Nico install a nightlight the first night we were here. I couldn’t handle the dark anymore, not after Hillcrest. I couldn’t handle bright lights either anymore, becauseof Hillcrest. Flashes, cameras, groups of men. It was all fucking bullshit.
