How was I going to survive if I couldn’t get over myself and my trauma?
Simple answer was: I wasn’t.
I lay there all fucking night, thinking and wondering, and fucking plotting in my head. I didn’t see the sunlight peeking through the blackout curtains. I didn’t see Luke come in and talk to me. I didn’t hear Nico as he bent down to get in my face.
Tears silently slid down my cheeks, as I got lost inside my own head. Disassociating like I had desperately tried to do while I was with Hillcrest.
I was so tired of having to be strong for others, only to find out I wasn’t strong enough. It was fucking exhausting. I wanted someone else to take care of me for a change. I wanted to be put first for a change. Was that so much to ask for?
Nico
Istormedoutofthehouse, anger radiating off me. I wanted to hit Jason again. I wanted to fucking beat the shit out of Marcos. How dare he fucking leave her alone again? Just because she was a strong fucking woman, didn’t mean she should have to be. She had three fucking men to lean on, and yet, we all fucking left her alone.
Stalking into the pole barn garage, I flipped on the lights before I bee-lined for the punching bag in the corner. I didn’t bother to wrap my knuckles or grab my gloves. I attacked the bag with everything I had, letting my rage and anger overcome me.
I growled deep in my throat as I slammed my punches into the heavy bag. I briefly thought about calling Leo, but after the shit storm that happened at the gym, I really didn’t want to add more fuel on the fire where my cousin was concerned. Leo already didn’t like Marcos and Jason, but the more he found out, the less he cared for both men.
Not that I could blame him after tonight. Leonardo Seratelli was extremely protective of the women in his life. His own damn sister had a bodyguard on her at all times. I was half tempted to stick a prospect on Maya permanently—if I ever felt like I could leave her again.
Nico
The following morning, Luke’s yelling down the hall caught my attention as I stepped out of the shower. “Mom!” he shouted.
I barely wrapped the towel around my waist as I ran down the hallway to Maya’s bedroom. Luke was standing in front of his mother, shaking her, but she wasn’t responding. My heart jumped into my throat as I rounded the bed, just as Marcos and Jason ran into her bedroom as well. “What’s going on?” they asked.
I gently pushed Luke out of the way as I stared down at Maya. Her eyes were open, but she wasn’t home. Her eyes were vacant and lifeless. My heart plummeted into my stomach. “Maya!” I shouted, shaking her.
She didn’t blink or acknowledge that I was even there. Scared to fucking death, I pressed my fingers against the pulse point in her neck. Her pulse was strong, and she was breathing, but she wasn’t fucking home.
“Fucking hell, Little Dreamer.” I groaned and dropped to a crouch in front of her, trying to get her to focus on me. “Maya.” I snapped my fingers in front of her face.
“What’s wrong with her?” Luke asked, the panic evident in his voice.
“Dissociating,” I said, my eyes snapping to my brothers.
Jason frowned while the vein in Marcos’s jaw throbbed as he clenched it.
“What does that mean?” Luke’s voice rose in a panic.
“It means, she’s lost in her mind right now.” I sighed and stood up, clutching my towel to keep it from falling down. Turning to Luke, I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into a hug. “It’ll be ok, buddy. Your mom is just trying to figure some shit out right now.”
“Like what?” Luke’s voice was muffled against my chest.
“Like how to handle things right now. After everything that happened with Hillcrest, she’s just going to need a little time to figure it all out.” I tried to tell Luke and myself that it would be ok, but it wasn’t working well.
I shot a glare at Marcos and he snapped out of his own daze. “Come on, buddy. We got to get ready for school.”
Luke hugged me tighter, his little arms squeezing me tight. “I don’t want to leave her. She’s always alone.”
My heart broke hearing my own words echoed back by the nine-year-old. “I know, buddy,” I said, rubbing his back, “but we both know your mom wouldn’t want you to miss school. You’ve already missed a lot the last couple weeks. She would yell at all of us if she was feeling better.”
Luke sighed and slowly pulled away. “I hate this.” The anger his voice was poignant.
“I know, buddy. Me too,” I murmured.
“Come on, Luke. I’ll take you to school,” Marcos said, motioning him to leave the room.
Luke clenched his fists and stared at his father. “No.”
