Boy, she was really counting on this being a success.
But a few women had already started to look around at Finn, to grab their neighbors and start to whisper.
I tried to ignore how Ambrose was looking at me, a dark burning spark in his eyes, that something raw and untamed in him that he always tried to tamp down. . .
“2. . .” Astrid said, her eyes widening as she spotted Finn, and her grin was more maniacal than ever, as I saw her literally wiggling with lust to try and push her tits up higher in her gold maternity dress.
“Is breá liom tú,” Finn rumbled in my ear, and I didn’t know very much of the Irish language, but of course that meantI love you, and I smiled, but at his rumbly deep voice, even morepeople turned around, their eyes practically making big goo-goo hearts at Finn, and by the time Astrid said,
“1 and go. . .”
Her entire audience except for my former mother-in-law Millicent had turned around to gawk at Finn standing in my lawn, raking a hand through his hair as his shirt popped up a bit, exposing tanned skin and all those ripping side and back muscles. Still staring at Finn, Astrid shook up the cannon vigorously and shot it out, all the blue confetti exploding directly into Ambrose’s face.
POW
“It’s a boy!” my ex said, choking on the millions of pieces of paper and spitting them all out one by one, but he was the only one to say anything. Even Astrid was looking jealously at Finn as he pulled the grill out and began to get our BBQ started.
“Honey, don't you think you ought to call the police about all that smoke?” Millicent asked shrilly. “Surely that’s illegal!”
But Ambrose shook his head. “Afternoon BBQs are permitted under the HOA guidelines.”
“It sure smells good,” Harold said, waving cheerfully at us, and some of Ambrose’s guests began to reluctantly turn back, wiping their drooling mouths.
But that didn’t last too long, as Astrid had unfortunately gone with a very diet-friendly platter my former MIL had suggested, very heavy on the wheatgrass and pumpernickel bread, and the lure of Finn’s BBQ was simply too much to resist.
“There’s plenty for everyone!” Finn called, and soon all Ambrose and Astrid’s guests had trickled over shamefacedly to our side of the fence, where Finn gave Harold a can of beer for each hand, and then Dr. González was offering to make some guacamole and chicken dip and Finn was turning up the music and there was no one left on the other side but a furiously glaringMillicent and Astrid, and Ambrose bending over trying to pick up all the confetti.
Our yard was still rocking with dancing and drinks hours later when I walked up to the fence.
“Congratulations on the boy,” I told Ambrose, who was sitting putting the cards for their new baby in a scrapbook.
His eyes looked haunted and miserable.
“Thank you,” he said, swallowing so hard his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. “And, of—course, I’m sorry that what I did with Astrid caused you pain. I regret that more than anything in the world.”
“I’m not in pain,” I said cheerfully.
His smile was twisted as he looked at me. “I know you aren’t. But I am, though. You’re beautiful, smart, and kind. Everyone wants you. But me? I can’t move on. I thought I could, but I can’t. I’d only be deluding myself.”
I didn’t know what to say for a moment, and then Astrid was there, looking like a jump scare with her eyes all wide and her hair sticking out in all directions. The day had not improved her temper.
“I’ll get even with you for this,” she hissed.
I rolled my eyes. “You slept with my husband and now you’re complaining because it didn’t go the way you wanted. Instead of me pining away next door, I’m happy and thriving. Get over yourself, Astrid.”
She gasped, but it was so true that her face turned an unpleasant beet-red, and she opened her mouth, inflating her lungs so her words would carry all down the street.
“Indi and Finn are having A BABY GIRL!” Astrid screeched. “They didn’t want to find out but I bribed a nurse at her office! So that’syoursurprise ruined.”
There was a moment of stunned silence and I heard Harold tut disapprovingly.
“Bitch,” Finn said with loathing as Astrid crossed her arms and stuck up her bottom lip at me.
For a moment she looked like a cat in cream, but Astrid didn’t get a chance to smugly enjoy her triumph when Finn said,
“I married you for your money. So you might as well quit fucking trying to get back together since I never loved you in the first place.”
There were gasps of horror all over the yard, someone helpfully turning the radio all the way down so all the guests could hear every word of her humiliation.
