But inside her chest, she felt as if she were breaking.
When Benedict turned back to her, his face was grim. “I don’t know how we’ll manage,” he said. “You’re right about that. But I do know we can’t just shrug our shoulders and walk away from each other as if this had never happened. Couldyoudo that, now? Truly?”
Elinor bit her lip hard and forced her voice to steady. “We have to face the facts. If you don’t find some promise of income within the next few weeks, whether it’s from Penelope or someone else—”
“Good God!” He stared at her. “Are you actually trying to persuade me,now, to pursue another Penelope Hathergill?”
“It’s the only thing that makes sense,” Elinor said miserably. “Your—”
“I am not marrying any other woman, any more thanyouare going to voluntarily enslave yourself to Mrs. G. Galsworthy without even getting any salary in return!” Benedict held his body rigidly still, but his voice lashed out like a whip. “I read the newspapers, too, you know,includingthe advertisements. That one was absurd, and so is your plan for me.”
“But how else can you save your estate, and your family, in time?” Tears blurred Elinor’s vision, but she blinked them away and clenched her jaw to keep more from escaping. “Of course I don’t want you to marry anyone else. But—”
“Then stop trying to throw me away!” Benedict glared at her. “Damn it, I’m not a handkerchief or a—a bloody pincushion to be given away to one of your friends when you don’t want it anymore. I’m in love with you!”
Despite everything, Elinor felt the tightness in her chest melt at his words. Her treacherous lips softened; the cold, hard words she’d been about to speak faded out of her grasp.
Relief lightened Benedict’s expression. He stepped forward, his lips curving gently, and ran one hand over her hair. “What?” he said. “You don’t want to tell me all the practical reasons why I can’t be in love with you? Logically, rationally?”
Elinor shook her head against his hand. “That wouldn’t be sensible at all,” she said, “because I’m in love with you, too.”
His lips were just as soft this time, his shoulders every bit as warm and solid against her hands. But when she drew back and rested her cheek against his broad chest, she heard his heart beating as rapidly as if he’d just run a race.
“I don’t have any perfect answers,” he whispered. “All I know is…” His voice dropped to a low rumble against her hair. “In the last few years, I’ve lost too many people. I can’t lose you, too.”
Elinor tightened her arms around him as the pain in his voice resonated through her own chest. Grief and loss might be too well hidden under his easy charm for most observers to ever guess at, but sheknewBenedict Hawkins. And she had known, from that very first night when they had traded their stories, how much lay underneath his lighthearted exterior.
“I don’t want to lose you either,” she said, “but—”
“There has to be a way,” said Benedict. “That’s what you told me earlier, wasn’t it, when we were talking about my problems? So, how about this astonishing dragon of yours?” He turned her towards Sir Jessamyn, who had sprawled across the boulder in an attitude of pure bliss, eyes closed and scales glittering. “He’s already performed two miracles, hasn’t he? How about a third?”
Elinor winced. “I don’t think I would call them ‘miracles.’ More like horrible accidents.” Memory flooded in upon her, sickeningly. “My poor aunt…”
“What did Aubrey say, when you asked him about it?”
“He didn’t,” Elinor said bitterly. “He thought I was playing a practical joke on him. And thenyouinterrupted us and accused me of trying to trick him into marriage.”
“Ah. Yes.” Benedict’s lips twitched. “Perhaps you could forget that part? It was a long time ago, you know. Days and days.”
“I have an excellent memory,” Elinor told him.
“That is a pity,” Benedict said. “You’ll have to fix it before we’re married.” He laughed when she rolled her eyes at him, and grabbed her hand. “That’s the first thing we should do, then. Come along! Aubrey may have brushed you aside, but he won’t dismiss me so easily, I promise you. I have years of experience in badgering him. That was how we both survived school.”
“Wait!” Elinor dug her heels into the path as he tried to drag her forward. “We can’t just go rushing in on him like this. What if he’s in company with Sir John and the others? What if—?”
Benedict stared at her. “Aubrey?” he said. “Voluntarily in company? Involved in social conversation with our host? My dear Elinor, have you lost all of your wits?”
Elinor sighed and scooped up Sir Jessamyn from the boulder. His eyes fluttered open; he muttered grumpily but nestled into her chest almost at once. “Very well,” she said. “But if Mr. Aubrey starts shouting about fairy tales again, Sir Jessamyn isn’t the only one who might lose control.”
She had to drop Benedict’s hand, of course, as soon as they left the wilderness. Neither of them knew who might be standing at the windows of Hathergill Hall, hidden by the sunlight striking against the glass. But it was only as they approached one of the back doors a few minutes later that Benedict sucked in a harsh breath.
“What is it?” Elinor asked. She spun around, searching the horizon. “What did you see?”
“Mrs. De Lacey.” He gave her a twisted smile. “She’s back.” He gestured to her face.
Elinor put one hand to her cheek. “You mean—?”
“It’s been too long since we touched...but never mind.” He reached for the door handle. “That just gives us one more reason to talk to Aubrey at once. This illusion may have served a purpose in the beginning, but I think it’s high time to be rid of it.”
