Sure enough, he had. As I watched him roll the condom over his hardened dick, I nodded, thinking he definitely was.
When he looked up at me, he asked, “You sure you’re ready?”
“I am.” It was so sweet that he wanted to make sure but the truth that I wouldn’t say aloud was that part of mewasn’t. I knew this was a huge step—and I was afraid this would change everything between us.
I loved Jason. Yes, I loved him…and I wasn’t going to be a virgin forever. I didn’twantto be a virgin forever. There would never be a magical moment but this was as close as I’d ever get. So I nodded again, as much to assure myself as him. “Yes.” Standing, I unzipped the miniskirt and peeled it down my legs, revealing the pink panties underneath. Then I slid my sandals off just before Jason lowered me to the bed.
When I reached for the panties, Jason said, “Can I do that?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“It’s like unwrapping a present.”
I laughed, even though I didn’t find it as funny as my giggles might have made it seem, but I knew it was an onslaught of emotions working their way out of my body the best way they could. Jason seemed to understand, even as he reverently touched the lace just below my belly button and began to ease them down. I had to lift my rump off the bed so he could slide them off my hips and I drew in a deep breath, tingling and on fire, ready for my first time.
Soon, Jason was positioned with his legs between mine. I could feel his sheathed dick pressing into my underside and he kissed me. Just having his erection rub against me made me breathless and almost eager, and I slid my fingers into his hair, losing myself in his kiss and the heady feeling of desire.
Feeling between my legs, the tips of his fingers brushed against the one spot down there that wanted attention, my clit, an area I’d read about in the most clinical of texts but understood it to likely be where I’d feel the most pleasure. Up until now, I’d had my doubts but the way it felt connected to my brain and how it almost begged to be touched more changed my mind. His fingers drifted lower, though, and I realized he was searching for the entrance inside me.
Holy shit.Jason was a virgin too.
I should have known, despite the rather large box of condoms. Although he was a good kisser and probably had experience there, he’d never once implied he was worldly or that he’d done this sort of thing before. I’d just assumed.
So this would be new for both of us.
His dick made its way inside me, slowly, and despite all that slickness there, I could practically feel tissues tearing and flesh stretching as he seemed to claim what was his. It hurt worse than anything else I could remember, but I tried to focus on breathing.
I knew it wouldn’t hurt forever. Emma had told me that much.
Jason, for his part, moved slowly. And then he stopped for a second. “Are you okay?”
Through clenched teeth, I said, “Yeah. It just hurts.” Then I realized my fingernails were digging into his neck and I forced myself to relax them.
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No.”
Fortunately, he didn’t move inside me too long before he pulled himself out. Then he rolled off me and pulled me close. After a few moments, he said, “Did that feel good to you at all?”
I’d never lied to this boy, and I wasn’t about to start. “No—but that’s normal. The first time for a girl doesn’t feel good.”
Jason grinned. “So we’ll have to try again?”
I couldn’t help but smile back. “Yes…but not tonight.”
“Deal.” He kissed me then, filling my heart with so much emotion, it was bound to overflow.
And I thought I’d loved him before now, but what I’d felt before had been pale and weak compared to the intense emotions flowing through me now. With this one simple act, he had become a part of me that I would never be able to let go. The words came out before I could stop them. “I love you.”
Jason’s blue eyes, intensified by the neon sign hanging over his bed, searched mine. Regardless of what he said next, I didn’t regret my confession. It had been lurking inside me for far too long. But he stroked my cheek and his expression looked sweeter than it ever had. “I love you too.”
His words hit me with the force of a locomotive but the touch of feathers. Powerful but soothing and so unexpected.I clung to his words, feeling comfort in the fact that he felt the same way for me.
Although I wanted to simply bask in his love, the questions in the back of my head persisted. Was this just a small moment in time? Would our love last? What lay ahead for us?
And could I let it all go, just for tonight?
Why didn’t getting closer to Jason in this way alleviate that feeling of doom settling in my bones?
