Titling my head, I studied her for a moment. “Are you asking as my friend or as my PA?”
Her eyes went wide for a moment, as if the thought never crossed her mind. Was I the only one who considered us friends? After the past almost two weeks, I didn’t think so. But then again, she had family, friends, and her wife. It was entirely possible she only viewed our relationship to be a working one.
“Both.” Her voice was soft and thoughtful. “We have to walk a fine line here, Carter. Because Iamyour employee. But I think we’re capable of handling both. Don’t you?”
Relief flooded through me. “I do. I value you on multiple levels, Marielle. And I trust you to call me out should I ever cross the line.”
Marielle nodded, sat back, and crossed her legs. “So tell me what’s going on with Hawk.”
It took me a minute to get my thoughts in order. “Hawk is upset with me. Speaking of lines, I crossed one. Was protective and overbearing when he felt it wasn’t my place.”
I wanted to tell her the whole story, but it wasn’t mine to tell, so that would have to do. As much as I trusted her to keep the confidence, I knew Hawk would not appreciate another person knowing what had happened to him.
She absorbed that. “Are you sorry?”
“I’m sorry he’s upset and hurt by it,” I answered immediately.
She rolled her eyes. “But you’d do it again.”
“In a heartbeat.” I took another second and let that sink into my brain, really sitting with the thoughts and feelings. Then I sighed. “Perhaps not in the same way, now that I understand how he feels. But I take care of what’s mine, protect what’s mine at all costs. And he is.”
She didn’t say anything for several minutes, simply staring at me. As the silence stretched, I had to fight not to squirm in my seat. I wasn’t fidgety by nature, but her stare and silence was unnerving. I couldn’t read her expression.
“I’ll admit I’m coming at this from a woman’s perspective, but that’sfucking creepy, Carter. Possessiveness like that is…controlling and manipulative.”
My eyes went wide. “What? No, no. I don’t mean it like that at all! Holy shit, is that what he thinks?”
“I don’t know. But I would.”
“I’m his just as much,” I insisted fervently. My brain scrambled, trying to put it into context, trying to explain. I needed to figure out if I was being a controlling jerk or not and since Marielle was the only sounding board I had, I needed to bounce it off her. “Okay. Let me ask you this. You love your wife. I see it plain as day between you. So if you were faced with a situation with someone from her past showing up, someone whocould cause her distress, wouldn’t you step in so that she didn’t have to deal with them?”
She opened her mouth but shut it again, brows crinkling as she thought that over. It took her a minute or two, but then she spoke. “I would. Elisa is perfectly capable of handling herself. Honestly, she’s a badass who takes no crap. But if I could spare her that, I would, yes.”
I held out a hand in a “there you go” type of gesture. But Marielle wasn’t done.
“Elisa and I have been married for four years and together for five. We’ve discussed everything under the sun. We know each other inside and out. I know how she would react in that situation.” She gave me a pointed look. “Can you say the same about Hawk?”
Fuck.
“Not yet.” I sighed. I thought back on the whole interaction, first with the fuckhead and then with Hawk after. “I know I need to apologize. But I also don’t regret it. So how do I handle that?”
The look on her face said she thought I was an idiot. “You talk to him.”
I laughed, though it lacked humor. “I’m going to. I’m not dumb. But he asked for space.”
“And you’re giving it to him.”
“Today anyway. Tomorrow is another story. I’m not going to let this drag on between us.”
Marielle stared for a few seconds, then shook her head. She pulled her laptop in front of her again. “Just remember to listen too. Now, back to work.”
Since I only had a few more days with her in person, I did as she said and turned back to my own screen. But her words played in the back of my head for the rest of the day. I was good at listening, and Hawk and I proved—after we got past our initialmisconceptions—that we were good at communicating. We just had to actually do it.
The next morning, I shot him a text when I knew he’d be awake but not stuck into work yet.
Good morning, baby. Have time for a conversation today?
I waited at least a half an hour for a response. It never came. All right then. I was going to track him down. Maybe he wasn’t ready to talk but I certainly was. I could at least say my piece and let him digest it. I wasn’t going to force a reconciliation. I wasn’t even going to insist on forgiveness. But I couldn’t let this fester between us. I was crawling out of my skin.
