“So I took the gelding home with two of our purchases and started to train it. He liked to stay in touch a lot, and I was flattered, so I replied to his texts and emails as soon as I was able to.” Again, I snorted. “I was so damn eager to please him.”
“There’s no shame in that. Most people are going to do that when someone has power over them.”
“Yeah.” I sighed and continued, “He visited four times in the six months I had the gelding. All the way from Iowa. He was real good at the seducing bit. The first time he came over, he stayed at the cabin that’s Mal’s now. Crew and Russ were away at an event overnight, so he talked me into coming for a chat….”
Sensing my hesitance, Carter quietly said, “You don’t have to—”
“No. I do.” I turned my head to look at him for the first time. “If we’re doing this, you need to understand.”
“Okay. Whatever you need, baby.” Again, his grip on my hand tightened for a moment.
I turned back to the ceiling. “The first time was a dream, or so I thought. There was even some foreplay. He appeared like hecared. Said all these nice things that I thought I wanted to hear.” I choked up for a moment but pushed it all down. I was done crying over the fucking bastard.
It took me a moment to continue. “He fucked me again in the feed room the next day. I was too sore to ride, but he wanted to see where his horse was so he told me to show him. I could see the smugness when I struggled in the saddle, but I didn’t understand yet.
“In between his visits, he’d stay in touch constantly. Still said all the right things. Lots of phone sex and that dirty talk.” I almost shivered with disgust at the memory. “The next two visits were shorter, he’d stay for a handful of hours, then start the drive back. But somehow he still found time to fuck me somewhere on the property at least once every time. He’d stopped caring about anything but getting himself off, though.”
I couldn’t look at Carter, because I knew I’d see understanding in his eyes, then.
“He’d expect me to drop my pants and face the wall or otherwise get ass up for him. He’d…. Anyway.” I swallowed hard and pushed through the rest. “I thought I was in love. I had to be, right? He fed into that idea but never said the words back.” Because I’d been foolish enough to say them to him. I hated my younger self for doing that.
“You didn’t know any better, Hawk,” Carter whispered, some urgency in his tone as if he’d heard my thoughts somehow.
“No, I know.” Sighing, I squeezed his hand. “Then about five months from that auction, the horse was ready, and he asked me to deliver it because he was too busy to drive to get it.” I snorted out a bitter chuckle. “I drove the long fucking trip there. Got to his fancy modern ranch house. You know, rich people shit. All for show, very little function in either the house or the barn from what I could see. I knew that even then. I wasn’tthatnaïve.”
“No, I wouldn’t expect you to be. Not with where you grew up. Who you grew up with.”
I flashed Carter a small smile, because he wasn’t wrong. Then I rolled to my side to face him, but kept my gaze locked on his chest.
“I parked the trailer in front of the barn he stepped out of like some sort of a king ready for an audience or something. I was about to fly out of the truck and into his arms, but he was already at the back of the trailer, starting to open it up. So I thought sure, let’s get the official part over, you know. I’d missed him, but this was his turf and there was a worker of some sort walking on the other side of the yard and such. No big deal, right?
“As I got the gelding out of the trailer, the door to the house opened and this bleach blonde woman came out in a sporty outfit. She power-walked to us and asked what he’d done.” I snorted again. “That’s when he stepped to meet her, he kissed her, and told her I was delivering her fifteenth anniversary present from him. He said that I was an excellent up and coming trainer who provided a very thorough service worth all the money he’d paid, including a tip he’d sent that morning.”
Carter’s shock lasted for two seconds, after which he let out a string of quiet curses.
I laughed. “Yeah. That.” I looked him in the eyes when I finished the story. “I walked the gelding into his stall. I answered her questions and promised that I’d sent her husband all the information about the gelding’s process, and then I dodged offers to stay for dinner and left. Drove until I couldn’t see the road anymore and found a rest stop. Slept in the truck for a few hours, then drove home.”
“Did the bastard contact you again?” Carter ground out.
“He didn’t. But I’ve seen him at a couple of auctions in the past five years. He always has this smarmy grin just for me. I’ve alsoseen him looking at younger men there, so I doubt anything’s changed.”
“Jesus Christ.”
“I did send that tip back to him, by the way. I was at that rest stop, barely seeing my phone screen through my tears to use the banking app.”
“Good for you.”
“I wanted to sendallhis money back. But I wasn’t that naïve.”
I moved closer to Carter, and he took me into his arms under the blanket.
“Do you want to stay the night?” he asked quietly.
I thought for a moment. “Yeah, please.”
“Then let’s get under the covers.”
We did that, and he pulled me close again.
