His lips twitch.
“Lee, you rarely let me leave. You said it yourself. Don’t pretend like you don’t want me here.”
He shakes his head but goes back to raking, amusement lacing his tone. “You’re cheeky.”
“And you’re stubborn. You could admit you kinda like me, you know.”
Lee appears to mull that over, as if it’s something he has to actually consider. “I kinda like you. I guess.”
“A ringing endorsement,” I mutter, smiling when Lee chuckles.
We finish raking the leaves from his yard, the rooftop solar tiles glinting in the waning sun. It’s hard to believe so much of our energy used to come from fossil fuels and processes that were destroying our planet. And before that, we relied on candles and oil lamps to see.
So much has changed.
And so very much is exactly the same.
Lee cooks dinner as he does most every night. He likes it, I’ve found. The process is soothing to him, and I suspect he enjoys it even more now that he has someone other than himself to cook for. I have no problem complimenting his food. And he has no problem whatsoever preening under the praise.
As Lee goes to shower before bed, I take a few minutes to answer my work email. I’ll be officially starting my job next week, working from home most of the time on the endless specifics that still need to be hammered out in order to send engineers, scientists, bioengineers, doctors, agriculturalists, countless other specialized astronauts, and eventuallycivilians up into space. There will be times I’ll need to fly to Command Center. Possibly even elsewhere if I’m needed somewhere on site.
I don’t mind. Not so long as I can come back here. Back home.
When I find Lee, he’s sitting up in bed, reading a bound book. He gives me a hint of a smile as I join him, flipping a page. So much of what I’ve seen of Lee has been inside my own head. Glimpses of him older, of this house years from now and the child running through its halls. Pieces of conversation or soft smiles that make my heart ache. Him in the woods, dropping shakily to one knee as I stand there, helpless to stop what I know is coming.
Watching his heart cease to beat. Feeling his pulse kick back to life under my fingertips.
I’ve known this man in a dream that’s not a dream at all. But now he’s here in front of me, full of life and warm blood and a mischievousness as he raises an eyebrow that tells me I’ve been caught staring. I don’t care. I can’t stop. The snapshots I have of him aren’t enough. I need every moment I can gather. A lifetime of them.
Lee closes his book and sets it aside. His lamp is on, bathing the room in a gentle glow. “Something on your mind?”
“A lot.”
He hums, turning to face me more fully. For as cautious as he’s been, there’s no hiding the way Lee is attuned to me. I move, and he follows. The opposite is also true.
“Tell me one thing on your mind.”
It’s a request, not a demand, but I speak all the same. “So much of my life has been spent elsewhere. And now, I’mhere. In this time and this place, living a present I don’t know. I know how it ends. How it began. But I don’tknow…this.”
Lee watches me closely, the lack of judgement on his face so unlike what I’ve experienced in my life that I nearly sag with it. “Do you want to know?”
“No,” I admit. “Because then what would be the point in living it? This is my adventure to live. To learn and love and grow. People debate destiny and the linearity of time. They debate free will. But regardless of all that’s set to be, we’re here now. No matter what end waits over the horizon, every one of our choices matters because we’re living them. We’re not powerless unless we believe ourselves to be.”
I can see on his face that Lee doesn’t understand what I’m trying to say. My inhale is shuddery, my heartbeat quick. How do I put it into simple words?
“I’m ecstatic,” I tell him. “Because I’m livingnow. And I really like where I am.”
He swallows heavily, his eyes roaming over me. “I like that you’re here, too.”
“I know you do.”
“But it scares me.”
“Because of how we met?” I guess.
He nods slowly.
“And if I were anyone else?” I ask, my pulse firing. “Someone you met at a bar or went on a date with?”
