I’ve never had this kind of trouble letting go of boyfriends who weren’t jiving with me in the past. So why does it hurt so much when I think of letting Rovos go?
Because he’s not one of yourboyfriends.He’s different. You actuallylikehim.
True and true. None of my boyfriends ever kissed me the way Rovos does. Like he wanted to devour me and, at the same time, like I was something precious. None of the other men I’ve dated ever made me feel a fraction of what Rovos does.
He’s different, all right. What are the odds I’d find the man I want in an alien from outer space?
I hardly have time to get bored waiting for Rovos to return when I see him jogging toward the shuttle, his arms laden with wrapped packages. I spin around just as his heavy steps come up the ramp and the door slides open. He drops the packages against the wall as soon as the shuttle’s door closes behind him.
“Everything go okay?” I ask as Rovos slides into his seat and starts the engine, preparing the shuttle for lift off. My eyes bounce between him and the packages. “Should I do something with those?”
“In a minute. We need to leave first. I don’t think anyone recognized me, but news of our escape from the station was all over the comms.” He finally looks over at me, and I can see the gold snapping around his irises. “Put your harness on.”
I slide my arms through the harness, pulling the straps tight around me. “Did they mention me? That I’m human?”
“They didn’t mention that you are human,” Rovos says as we pull away from the trading post. “But they had your description.”
Shit!That changes things, doesn’t it? Is this what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life? Always looking over my shoulder, wondering if someone might recognize me. Worrying that someone might realize who—or what—I am.
What does that mean for Rovos? It’s not fair of me to burden him with this. With constantly watching his back because of me.
How selfish does it make me? That I still want to stay with Rovos, forcing him into that situation.
Now I’m starting to see why he’s been so adamant about taking me to Pamia. To the one safe place, maybe in this entire galaxy, that can protect me. Which means Rovos isn’t the heartless bastard I’ve tried to make him out to be. He’s trying his best to do right by me, since he can’t send me home.
And I’ve been a selfish, whiny bitch about it.
With the trading post behind us and nothing but the blackness of space in front of us, we’re both quiet.
Did his hand tremble just now, when he pushed the shuttle into hyper-speed?
Guilt eats at me. I should apologize.
“Rovos, I—”
“Enough!” Rovos growls, slamming his hand onto the control panel, knocking the shuttle out of hyper-speed. His chair spins to face mine, and he grabs the armrests on either side of me, leaning forward and caging me with his body. “What do you want me to say, Annah? Hmmm? That I’m sorry? That I was wrong?”
Wait…what?I open my mouth to tell him I’m the one who’s wrong. But he never gives me a chance.
“Because Iamsorry, Annah. More sorry than I can tell you. Every time I think about what could have happened if I—what Volethos could have done to you, if I hadn’t gotten to you in time.” He squeezes his eyes shut and pushes himself back into his chair. His hands are clenched into tight fists, and I realize he’s shaking. From fury? Fright? Because of me?
“Stop.” I lay a hand over his arm, but he doesn’t look over at me. “It turned out all right. You got to me in time, so there’s no reason to beat yourself up over something that never happened.”
“But I didn’t.” He turns his face toward me, and there are deep lines etched around his mouth. “You freed yourself.”
Okay. He’s mostly right, but I also got very lucky. “I wouldn’t have made it off that station if you hadn’t come back for me. Volethos would have eventually found me.” I take a deep breath and force the next words out. “Look, Rovos, I’m sorry I’ve been so angry at you for taking me to Pamia. I’ve been angry at so many things. Being abducted, the Xar’ads, never going home again.” I tick them off on my fingers. “So I’ve been using you as a focus for that anger, and that’s unfair. After everything you’ve done for me—I just want to tell you how much I appreciate it.”
The silence stretches between us until Rovos slowly nods. “Thank you. I only wish things were different.”
“Yeah.” I sigh and lean back in my chair. “Me too.”
* * *
Rovos and I have hardly spoken to each other in the last several days since leaving the trading post. When we reached the Green Zone, and there was no sign of theShade,Rovos started to worry. Without a working comm, there was no way to get in touch with Igid and the others. So we decided to wait for a few more days to see if they might show up. When there wasstillno sign of them, Rovos decided we couldn’t put it off any longer, and we continued on to Pamia.
No sooner do we breach the atmosphere, the comm comes alive with static and voices.
“I thought the comm was broken?” I lean forward to watch as the shuttle flies through a band of clouds. Once they clear, I get my first glimpse of Pamia.
