His eyes drop to my arm, and I watch as he works his jaw while my words sink in. Several minutes, or at least it feels that way, pass before he exhales through his nose and shakes his head. “It does not matter.”
My heart crumbles.
“Well, you’ve got it all figured out, don’t you?” I snap at him.
“I have given this much thought,” his voice softens, and he lifts his hand, letting his fingers caress the sensitive skin along the side of my neck without meeting my eyes.
“There’s nothing I can say that will change your mind.” I don’t phrase it as a question.
The silence stretches between us, and I watch him the whole time while he looks away. His jaw clenches and unclenches before he finally lets out a long sigh. “There is not.”
“Fine, then.” If that’s how it’s going to be, then I’ll go to Pamia, and I’ll… learn how to survive. What else am I supposed to do?
Turning, his hand falls away as I head back to my chair. “Annah,” he softly calls to me. I look back at him over my shoulder. His eyes are shimmering gold. “I am sorry.”
“Yeah, me too.”
16
Anna
Idon’t remember falling asleep, but I must have, because when I wake, I’m curled in on myself and slumped in the chair. My spine snaps and pops as I scoot myself upright. Beside me, Rovos focuses on the screen where he is guiding the shuttle into a small port.
“Where are we?” I ask, rubbing my eyes and then finger-combing my hair. It’s probably good that there isn’t a mirror on the shuttle so I can’t see how disheveled I must look.
“Cosmic Barter. It’s a trading post on the edge of the Expanse,” Rovos says without taking his eyes from the screen.
Earlier, Rovos explained to me that the Expanse is a vast section of unmonitored space with no ports or stations in any given direction and that it can stretch for days.
After we dock, I make my way to the eliminator. When I settle back into my seat, Rovos hands me a hydro-pouch and a nutrient bar. I gladly take the hydro-pouch but wrinkle my nose at the bar, which reminds me of the bricks the Xar’ads fed me.
“We need supplies,” he tells me. “The shuttle has some emergency rations, but they won’t last us to Pamia, and they are pretty old.”
I take a small bite of the tasteless nutrient bar, only to have it turn to dust in my mouth. It takes nearly half of the hydro-pouch to get the worst of the taste off my tongue.
“How do you know Volethos wasn’t lying?” I ask, curling my legs under me. “After all, he lied about everything else.” What if Pamia is really just another enslaved planet? Or maybe it doesn’t exist at all.
“I searched for it,” Rovos says around his crumbly nutrient bar. “While you were sleeping, I double-checked everything. Volethos was telling the truth, at least mostly. There is no woman’s commune outside Loetti. The rest, about it being an asylum planet, checked out.”
I set my half-eaten bar aside, no longer hungry. At least he’s trying and not just dropping me off because of some sort of perceived guilt or taking someone else’s word.
“I won’t be gone long.” Pushing himself out of his chair, Rovos stomps toward the exit.
“Rovos, wait!” I call after him, picking up my cloak from where we left it balled up on the ground. I hold it out to him. “You’re still covered in blood.”
He looks down at himself and pulls his shirt away from his chest. “Thank you.”
With a swirl of fabric, the cloak settles across his broad shoulders. What was floor-length on me only reaches his knees, but it’s enough to cover the worst of the bloodstains.
“Do notleave this shuttle,” he growls, pointing his finger at me.
It’s a struggle not to roll my eyes at him, so instead I tap the sides of my fingers to my forehead in a mock salute just as the door slides open and he disappears down the ramp. When the door closes again, I turn toward the screen at the front of the ship and watch him stomp across the tarmac toward the trading post.
Taking a deep breath, I wish I didn’t feel what I did for him. Or that I could make him feel what I felt for him.
He’s not worth it, Anna,I remind myself.You’ve got to let him go.
Of course it’s never as easy as it sounds in my head.
