“Why didn’t you tell me?” Anger like never before simmered under my skin. I clenched my fists and ran at him. “All these years. All this time you could have told me. All the times you called me, you could have started with that!”
“Why!” He blew up in my face. “So you could deny it and play dumb? So you could continue to pretend we don’t exist? It’s like you don’t know yourself! Do you really think it would have mattered if I had started with that! You stubborn child!”
“Yes!” I flew from the chair and poked the air between us.
“No!” He leaned forward and growled. “It wouldn’t have because you would have never believed it. I had to get you here to see for yourself.”
“Where is dad?” I turned back to Momma.
Her lips pulled into a thin smile. “He’s at home. He knows you don’t want to see him.”
I sighed. “I came here to heal. I didn’t come here to fight or to hate you. Any of you. I came to put my demons to rest.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Derek
I didn’t sleepfor days. Aiyanna and I had texted like usual but there was something behind the words. Something I couldn’t pinpoint exactly. A sadness. I didn’t want to overthink it, overthink the fact that the sadness could be directed to us, toward the story I told her. But I knew that she was going through a lot with her family. She had called me to tell me her mother was alive and I was floored. I hadn’t expected that to happen. I thought she was calling me to tell me she was in jail for pummeling her father, but this was different. Some part of the back of my head told me to be worried, that she would never come back. But I couldn’t think that way either. She had something here, her livelihood. She couldn’t just walk away from that, right?
I pulled the blankets back over my shoulders but it was no use. The cold was in my soul and it had nothing to do with my body. I tossed the covers off of my legs and pulled some shorts on. I didn’t bother with a shirt. I strapped my phone to my bicep and jogged out the front door.
Lately, the only thing that exhausted me was running. I hated running more than anyone else but somehow it numbed my thoughts. My feet slapped the pavement and full moon was bright in the sky over my head. The humidity was suffocating. It hung around my skin like a suit. It mixed with the sweat on my body and made me heavier. I growled as I made another mile, but my mind still wouldn’t shut off.
Even after I had opened up about my past, I still couldn’t stop thinking of Aiyanna’s reaction and what she thought of me now. I hadn’t planned on doing it over the phone, but the moment presented itself and I couldn’t escape it. She had sounded so small and terrified on the phone. I had almost booked a flight right then and there. But what good would that have done me? We weren’t together, even though I knew I wanted us to be. I wouldn’t have told her my story if I hadn’t wanted that. I wouldn’t have left myself so vulnerable.
I checked my watch and groaned. It was only three a.m. When was my body going to get the idea and shut down?
Chapter Thirty-Four
Aiyanna
I hadtwo more days here and I knew it wasn’t going to be enough. Now that my mother was alive I knew I was running out of time. I hated myself for running away all those years ago. But at the same time, I didn’t regret it. I had gone through more heartache and trouble than I could have ever imagined. I was homeless, raped, and beaten. I was dragged through the mud and tortured. But I was loved. I was loved by two incredible people that didn’t have the opportunity to have a child of their own. They opened their arms and hearts to me without any reserve. They never held back on their affection with me or each other. I never had to guess where I stood with them.
Vivian and Jack’s marriage taught me about love, too. It taught me how to love myself and another person. I squeezed my eyes shut and wiped the tears from my face. They were the best blessing I had through the pain. They had been the light at the dark tunnel. They were the saving grace I never knew I needed. If I had stayed things might not have gotten better for my momma. I couldn’t second guess the past anymore. It did nothing for my future.
I brushed my hair out and winced as the bristles got caught in a knot. I yanked the brush free and rubbed the tender spot on the back of my head. This is what I got for going to bed with wet hair. I pulled my hair into a loose ponytail and met Kota at the front door. He rubbed my shoulder affectionately before we went to his SUV.
Instead of starting the car, he turned to me. “I don’t want you to go back.”
I rubbed my hands down the front of my jeans. “I can’t stay here.”
“Why not?” Kota frowned before he started the car and backed out of his dirt driveway.
“Because I haven’t seen Dad yet and I have responsibilities back at home.”Derek is waiting for me.I didn’t dare say that out loud.
“Dad doesn’t matter in all of this. You can live on the reservation without having to see him.” He bit at his bottom lip.
“That isn’t what I’m worried about. I know I have to face him before I go home, but I don’t know how.” I clasped my hands in my lap and looked at the mountains in the distance. The ones I had tried to run to when I had run away all those years ago. I had run and run and run until my feet were sore and I realized I had no water. I had been stupid and set myself up for failure. But there was something about the giant formations in the distance that had helped me feel safe, like they did now.
“Sell the bar.”
I blinked hard. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me.” He turned onto Kia’s street. “Sell the bar and move back here. It will catch a pretty penny I’m sure.”
“I will do no such thing.” My back straightened in the seat. When we drove down Kia’s winding driveway my gaze caught on a dusty red Honda Accord. It was old and beat up. I would recognize it anywhere.
Dad was here.
