Selfish, too.
“Let’s talk about this, Syd. I want you to tell me all about yourself. But can we do this while lying in bed? I’ll still hold you, but you’ll be warmer under the blankets.”
“All right.”
She gave a little cry of surprise when he lifted her in his arms and carried her to the bed. Perhaps the gesture was a little grandiose, but he felt it was necessary. Syd was baring her heart to him, allowing her protective shell to come down as she nestled in his arms.
She was about to share her hopes, dreams, and fears with him.
For the first time in her life, she was trusting someone other than herself to know her inner thoughts, to care for her and protect her.
He felt the softness of her cheek against his shoulder as he set her down on the bed and then settled beside her.
She sniffled, but was fiercely determined to hold back her tears. Well, this was Syd. Always reluctant to show weakness, and tears were the most obvious form of weakness.
It did not matter to him whether she fought them off or not. He understood what she needed from him. He was willing to give her everything.
He kissed the top of her head and ran his fingers lightly through her curls, afraid to say anything to put an end to this moment.
Syd was in charge and would tell him what she wanted.
If a talk and a hug was all she needed tonight, then so be it.
He wasn’t going to question why they both had to be stark naked for a conversation or a mere hug to take place.
Was she now going to forget about kissing him?
“Am I dreaming you up, Octavian?” she whispered, snuggling against him as they lay in bed.
“No, Syd. I’m real and not leaving your side.”
“What if I want you to go?”
His heart skipped several beats. Why was she asking him this? No, how could she be? Not now, not after what they had just shared.
Bloody blazes.
He wasn’t leaving her.
More important, he was not letting her go, even if she now thought to leave him.
“Are you bidding me farewell? Is this what our naked hug was all about?” He tried not to sound angry. “Are you showing me your breasts and your body as a consolation gift because you are going to run off?”
Her eyes rounded in obvious surprise. “No, it is just a hypothetical question.”
“Syd, do not ask me that again. We are in this together. Stop thinking of yourself as alone against the world.”
She frowned. “Stop telling me what to do. The truth is, I am alone against the world. I have always been alone. Oh, now you are frowning back at me.”
“I am not frowning at you. I am merely angry at everyone who ought to have protected you and never did. All I am trying to say is that you have me now, and I wish you would learn to rely on me.”
“I will. Is this not what our race to Scotland is about?”
“For how long, Syd?”
“What? Rely on you? I don’t know…for as long as you can abide me. You are going to get angry with me at some point during our marriage because this is what I seem to do best, infuriate and anger my loved ones. Then you will leave me. So let us not pretend it will be otherwise.” She shifted out of his arms and turned away from him.
Gad, would she always doubt her ability to hold his love? “Short of setting fire to the bed while I am in it,” he said, drawing her back into his arms, “I doubt there is anything you can do to make me want to walk away from you.”
