‘That’s great, I’ll send you a text.’ Eden didn’t want to suggest a date for meeting right then and there, which Drew might have felt beholden to agree to. If she sent him a text later, it would be easier for him to tell her he’d changed his mind, or to make some other excuse about why they couldn’t meet, and she wanted to give him that option if that’s what he wanted to do. She had no reason to believe that was the case, but she’d spent years living with a man who’d told so many lies that even he didn’t seem to recognise the truth any more, which made it hard to take anything on face value.
‘Okay then.’ Drew nodded, as Eden lifted her son into her arms. It was the only way to prise him off the car. ‘Bye, Teddie.’
The little boy didn’t respond, but Eden held up his hand to wave goodbye, something else she didn’t normally do.
‘See you soon.’ Eden’s words were about as casual as they came, because she knew there was a chance that Drew would change his mind and she didn’t want to build up her hopes. She’d been let down enough times in the past to learn that keeping her expectations of people on the low side was the best way to avoid getting hurt. As she and Teddie continued the short walk back home, she found herself considering the possibility that Drew might turn out to be a disappointment too. He’d seemed to understand her son so well, something few people were able to do, and she just hoped she hadn’t read him wrong.
4
‘Eddie, guess what, I’ve got an interview for a job at St Piran’s. I might be coming home!’ Eden’s brother, Felix, was the only person in the world who called her Eddie, and she loved that he had a name for her that was theirs alone. It was part of a bond they’d developed during childhood, when they’d needed each other far more than children should have to. Things had changed now though, and their parents were different people to the ones who’d raised Eden and Felix, but the mistakes they’d made in parenting had created a bond between their children that nothing – not even five thousand miles – could diminish. Felix had been living in California and working in a hospital in San Francisco for the past eight years as an occupational therapist. He’d been talking about coming home ever since Teddie had arrived, but it was only now, four years later, that he was starting to apply for jobs.
Felix had made trips home as frequently as possible since the birth of his nephew and before that Eden had been out to visit him. It had been Felix who’d finally made her see that she couldn’t stay with Jesse, and that doing so was going to hurt Teddie in the long run. If anyone else had said that to her she’d have got angry and defensive, told them that she knew what was best for her son, and that they didn’t understand how much Jesse needed her too, or the threats he’d made to end his own life if she left him. But coming from Felix it had been different. She knew there was no other agenda with him except having hers and Teddie’s best interests at heart. There was none of the baggage with Felix that there was with her parents, which meant she trusted him more than anyone else on earth. Now he might actually be coming home, not just to the UK, but to Port Kara and working in the same hospital as her.
‘That’s brilliant. When’s the interview?’
‘The day after tomorrow.’
‘Are they doing it over Zoom or something?’
‘No. I’m at Gatwick. I landed at Heathrow three hours ago and got the train here. Now I’m killing time in a coffee shop before I fly to Newquay.’ Felix made it sound as if he’d popped around the corner for a coffee, rather than flown halfway around the world and then circumnavigated London, with another flight still to come.
‘Why didn’t you tell me, I’d have picked you up from Heathrow.’
‘That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you.’ Felix sighed. ‘You, little sister, are too giving and too kind, you always have been. So I wanted to make sure it was a fait accompli before I told you what I was doing.’
‘Do Mum and Dad know?’ Eden loved her brother, not least for the way he always found a way of considering her, but she wished he’d let her do this for him, and she was cross at the idea that her parents might have known and not told her.
‘I was going to tell Dad, but I knew he wouldn’t have been able to stop himself from telling Mum, and I didn’t want a big OTT scene with her at the airport. You know what she’s like, she’d have been there with a big placard saying “welcome home Felix”, like we’re in a show about family reunions.’ Felix laughed, and he wasn’t wrong. Their mother was prone to over-the-top displays of her love for her children. It wasn’t that Eden doubted the sincerity of her actions, it was just that it couldn’t undo everything that had gone before. It couldn’t take away the knot of anxiety that had taken root inside Eden when she was just a child, or her desire to fix the broken people she came across, just like she’d been desperate to fix her own mother, long before she should have had any kind of responsibility. It had impacted on Felix too. The fall out of their mother’s years of alcoholism and their father’s diminishing of what had gone on, had undoubtedly been one of the drivers for him wanting to move abroad. Eden was convinced it was also the reason why Felix had never had a serious relationship. At least not one he’d thought serious enough to share with her. Now he was coming home and maybe he could start over again too, do things differently this time, just like Eden was. There was no more fixing broken souls for her, but maybe for Felix the difference would be in opening himself up to the possibility of a proper relationship.
‘Yes, Mum probably would have done exactly that, and she’d have wanted to post a video of it online too.’ That was another habit their mother had developed. It was as if documenting special moments with her family were the proof that she was no longer the person she had been. In a way Eden could understand that, but she wished her mother didn’t need other people’s validation quite as much as she did. It was as if one addiction had been replaced by a series of others, but at least none of them were as dangerous to her health. ‘I’m coming to pick you up from Newquay, I don’t care what you say.’
‘I can live with that, Eddie.’ Felix paused for just a second. ‘That’s if Dad’s around to keep an eye on my amazing nephew.’
Eden smiled down the phone, even though her brother couldn’t see her. He was putting Teddie first and he understood why, even after all this time, she couldn’t quite bring herself to trust her mother entirely. It was just one more thing she loved Felix for, but he didn’t have to worry on this occasion. ‘I’ll bring Teddie with me. He’s not at nursery today and I’m not on shift again until the day of your interview.’
‘You don’t have to drag him out. I’ll get the train.’
‘No way. It’s only half an hour’s drive and he’ll be watchingPaddingtonall the way. He’ll love it, and for some reason he never seems to forget who you are, even if it’s been six months since we’ve seen you.’ Teddie had a bond with his uncle that Eden couldn’t have begun to explain, and he was one of the handful of people who were on the receiving end of his powerful hugs. ‘What time does your flight land?’
‘I should clear baggage reclaim by 4p.m.’
‘We can’t wait to see you.’ Eden was smiling again, and she hoped Felix could hear it in her voice, but just in case he was in any doubt she wanted him to know how happy she was that he might be coming home for good. ‘I can’t believe you might be getting at job at St Piran’s. That would be brilliant, so for God’s sake don’t do anything stupid to blow the interview.’
‘Well thanks for the pep talk, that eases the nerves right off!’ Felix started laughing again. Eden had been joking about the interview, but she realised a part of her meant every word. She really wanted Felix to get that job, not just for himself but for her and Teddie too, because she had a nagging feeling that very soon she was going to need her brother around more than ever.
* * *
When Eden met Felix in the arrivals area, she put Teddie in his buggy, rather than risking whether he was willing to walk. She didn’t want to have to carry him all the way from the car and his habit of running off, on the days he was prepared to walk, seemed to have got worse lately. The last thing she wanted was for him to break free and try to make a run for it in the airport.
‘Well aren’t you two the best homecoming sight I could possibly hope to see.’ Felix’s smile was broad and bright as he greeted them. He had an even tan that emphasised the white of his smile, and the same dark hair and blue eyes as his sister. He was a good six inches taller than her at well over six feet, and he looked as if the outdoor life in California suited him. He hadn’t lost the soft undertone of his Cornish accent, though. It had never been pronounced, but there was still a hint of it there and Eden was glad. She’d been pleased for Felix when he’d followed his dream to live and work abroad, but deep down she’d always hoped he’d come home and the fact that he still sounded like a local made it easier to believe he might stay.
‘I can’t believe you’re here!’ Eden hugged her brother. She didn’t want to pin all her hopes on him getting the job at St Piran’s, but she couldn’t seem to help it. Home would feel more like home to her if Felix was back. When Eden had returned to Port Kara after she’d finally left Jesse, it had been because it was the only place she could go. She didn’t have enough money to buy somewhere for her and Teddie, and she knew she’d need support if she was going to work and take care of her son. When she’d suggested to her parents that she rent somewhere nearby, they wouldn’t hear of it. She’d told them she was saving to buy a place and they’d soon realised that for years Jesse had been draining her of all her financial and emotional resources. When she’d still wavered about moving back in, her mother had played the card she often did these days.
‘Please say you’ll move back in with us, love.’ Karen’s tone had been almost pleading. ‘You wouldn’t just be doing it to help you get through a tough patch, you’d be doing it for me too. Giving me a chance to make up for all of the ways I let you down before. Please. I need this even more than you do.’
That had sealed the deal. She hadn’t felt pressured by her mother, because she’d known how hard her mum was trying to make up for the past and she wanted to give them the chance to repair their relationship as much as her mother did. Karen was determined to be a completely different kind of grandparent to the mother she’d been, in the grip of her addiction. But Eden had known – no matter how well things went between them – that it could never completely undo the years of turmoil that her mother’s alcoholism had caused, because of how much it had shaped both her and Felix. Her brother was the only person she completely trusted, especially after what had happened with Jesse, and despite her mother’s best attempts, she still had her guard up with everyone else.
Her parents were much better company than they’d been when she was growing up, and she enjoyed spending time with them, but it was almost like getting to know two brand new people she’d never lived with before. All the good memories she had of growing up in that house involved Felix, and his absence had made it feel far less like home. She wanted to build a new life in Port Kara for her and Teddie, and she was making new friends since starting work at the hospital, having spent years with Jesse’s behaviour isolating her and preventing her from forming friendships. Growing up it had been difficult to have that too, because she could never invite her friends back to her place when her mother’s behaviour was so unpredictable. She was in touch with a few people from before she’d moved away, and there was scope to build those friendships up again, but she still wanted Felix back in their home town too. He was the one person she’d been able to rely upon her whole life, and she wanted Teddie to have his uncle around.
