That wasn’t why the word had suddenly stopped Drew in his tracks, though. For him the word love meant deep affection, an attachment to something his life would be diminished without. Now, as he stood just inches away from Eden, he realised that was exactly how he felt about her and Teddie. They’d been friends for just a couple of months, but if the two of them suddenly disappeared from his life, it would undoubtedly be diminished. Honesty was incredibly important to Drew, but he couldn’t tell Eden how he felt, because he wasn’t sure if it was ‘normal’ to have feelings as intense as this so soon and he didn’t want to freak her out.
Drew had spent his whole life masking his autism, the need to do so having been drummed into him by his father, long before his diagnosis, with physical consequences when he didn’t manage to do it. Even now it didn’t come easily to just be who he was, and to say what he was thinking, because he knew there could still be consequences. They might not come from the force of his father’s hand connecting with the side of his head any more, but they could hurt even more. If the consequence of telling Eden how strongly he felt was to scare her away, that would be far more painful than any punishment his father had ever dished out. So Drew couldn’t tell her that he loved her, and Teddie too. He just hoped he’d be able to show her and that eventually she might realise it for herself, without him having to say anything at all.
‘Shall we hit the road then?’ Drew attempted an upbeat American accent. ‘And see what Teddie makes of Cornwall’s number one theme park?’
‘Has Cornwall got a number two theme park?’
‘It’s probably the swing set in your mum and dad’s back garden.’ Drew grinned as Eden started to laugh. He really did love that sound, and that wasn’t even the wrong use of the word.
* * *
It had been a perfect day. Eden and Drew had talked about all kinds of things, from their childhood memories to the latest goings on at work. She’d told him how worried she’d been about Eve on the day Callum died, and how her comments had made Eden wonder just what sort of trauma her friend had been through. It could be incredibly difficult when an incident at work triggered a personal memory, and Drew understood that. Thankfully Eve seemed to have gone back to her old self by the time she came in for her next shift, and Eden hadn’t been sure if she should say anything. Having Drew to confide in and get his take on what she might be able to do to support her friend if something like that happened again had felt really good. He might never be the loudest person in the room, and he didn’t share his thoughts and opinions with just anyone, but she considered herself lucky that he did that with her, and she valued his insight more and more.
Teddie had loved the theme park every bit as much as Eden had expected him to. She and Drew had taken him on all the rides that were suitable for his age and height. His favourites had been the dizzy dinosaur waltzers, and the dragon family rollercoaster. The three of them had got wet on the water rides, and Eden hadn’t been able to resist buying a photograph of them all on the log flume. They looked like a proper family, their mouths open wide with laughter and shock as they plummeted down the track into the water. Not for the first time she found herself wishing that the image reflected the truth, and that they really were a family. Wanting a life like that wasn’t such a huge ask, when there were people out there praying for a lottery win, or planning their acceptance speech at the Oscars in ten years’ time. Eden didn’t want anything big, she just wanted this, a family of her own, where fun days out were spent together, and no one prioritised getting drunk over spending time with their children, or lied and manipulated people into doing what they wanted out of a sense of guilt or fear.
Drew had planned the whole day with Teddie right at its centre, even the picnic he’d made had been perfect. It had all the elements Teddie needed to indulge in the perfect beige banquet, but Drew had also made delicious halloumi and chorizo baguettes on crusty French bread for him and Eden, with rocket and a chilli jam that made her tastebuds feel like they were dancing. He’d brought cloudy lemonade in glass bottles, and walnut and chocolate brownies that might well have been the best thing Eden had ever tasted. The picnic would have proved, if Eden hadn’t already known it, that Drew came from a wealthy background. There were no slightly squashed scotch eggs or shop bought quiche Lorraine in his picnic basket. It meant that the effort he’d gone to for Teddie’s beige banquet of sausage rolls, cold chicken nuggets, and giant cheesy puffs was well out of his comfort zone and it showed just how carefully Drew considered what other people needed. He’d texted Eden to check what she liked to eat, and had found a way to combine some of her favourites. Wanting to make it perfect for her and Teddie was just one of the reasons why the family she kept picturing had Drew in it, not just someonelikeDrew. It was scary to be thinking like that, when she still couldn’t be certain where this was going, or how far he wanted to take it, but somehow it had happened anyway.
‘Are you ever going to tell me where we’re going next?’ Eden turned to look at Drew as they drove out of the theme park. He’d told her they needed to leave at three, in order to get to their next destination, but he still wouldn’t say where they were going.
‘You’ll find out when we get there.’ He smiled, no doubt knowing this was driving her mad.
‘Just promise me you’re not taking me to an abandoned quarry to make it easier to dump my body.’ She laughed, and he raised his eyebrows.
‘Well to be fair with my training in forensic pathology I would have the edge on planning the perfect murder.’
‘You’re not doing much to reassure me.’ She glanced over again as he changed gear and the car picked up speed. He had really nice hands. They looked strong, and completely capable of farming the remote croft Gwen had imagined him running, but Eden knew what delicate important work they did. Right now her fingers were itching with the desire to lay her hand over his. It wouldn’t have been a particularly bold move, but it was gesture of intimacy she wasn’t sure they had yet. They might have kissed several times, but this was the kind of casual intimacy that came with a more established relationship and she was suddenly worried she might be moving at a pace that would make Drew uncomfortable. The start of a relationship was hard to navigate at the best of times and she wanted to be certain that Drew knew what he’d be getting into if they took things to the next level and started acting like they were in this for the long haul. It wasn’t just her heart on the line, it was Teddie’s too. Thankfully Drew didn’t seem to have realised just how much conflict was going on in her head.
‘Okay, I promise I won’t test out my theory about the perfect murder on you, or anyone else for that matter.’
‘I’m glad to hear it, although it must be quite different working with the police, than at the hospital.’ Talking about work was probably safer ground than discussing anything personal. It was easier to keep the distance between them that way.
‘I feel privileged that I get to do both. When I took the contract at the hospital, I knew some of the work would be postmortems for the coroner’s office, because in theory all the pathologists on the team have the chance to do them, as well as hospital postmortems. But in practice most of my colleagues are more comfortable focusing on the diagnostic and research elements of the role, so the majority fall to me. I had my own motivations for specialising in postmortems and forensic pathology. I just wasn’t sure at first whether I’d have scope to continue the forensic side once I started as St Piran’s.’ Drew was concentrating on the road as he spoke, but Eden could sense the passion he had for his work. ‘But thankfully I was given the chance to be part of the area-wide on-call team. If an incident happens the police often want a forensic pathologist on scene as quickly as possible. It’s different to a city centre, when it would almost certainly be a dedicated role, but down here I think they’re grateful for an extra pair of hands being available to cover, if the need arises.’
‘I think what you do is amazing and I know Flora was your motivation for getting into pathology in the first place, but I’m guessing your interest in forensics came from the work your dad did?’ They’d talked a lot about his work and she’d seen first-hand the way that certain cases could affect him, because of what had happened to his sister, but he’d been far vaguer about his interest in forensics and even now she wasn’t sure she was going to get a straight answer. Talking about his father still seemed to make him shut down, but this time he took a deep breath before responding.
‘I suppose it was in a way. I’ve always been interested in forensics because my father was involved in the law and so were almost all of his friends. There was more to it than that, though.’ Drew’s tone gave nothing away, but there was a muscle going in his cheek. ‘Maybe my father’s career should have put me off getting involved in the legal system. He was a difficult man. He still is probably, I just don’t have to deal with him any more, thank God. Before becoming a judge, he was a very successful barrister with the ability to argue that black was white if he wanted to, and persuade a jury that he was right. If he had an opinion in his home life, nothing could sway that either. When my mother tried to persuade him that there was somethinggoing on with me, as she put it, and that I wasn’t suited to the boarding school he’d gone to, he wouldn’t hear of it. He tried to make me conform andact like a normal boy for Christ’s sake, and for a long time I really did try. He saw my inability to be like him as yet another of my mother’s failings. When he wasn’t taking it out on me, she’d get the brunt of it.’
‘Oh God, I knew things were difficult between you but that’s awful. I can see why you don’t want anything to do with him.’ Eden couldn’t resist reaching out to him this time. ‘And you’re clearly nothing like him.’
‘That’s why I never wanted to be a barrister. He spent years being able to spin the truth depending on who he was representing and he didn’t care as long as he won. That must have been what made it so easy for him to lie about seeing other women behind my mother’s back, and to make her think she was going mad with his blatant denials. I’m sure he invented gaslighting, long before it became so widely recognised.’ There was a new heaviness to Drew’s voice, and it was clearly still painful even after all this time. ‘Once he became a judge he had even more people fawning over him. Eventually it drove my mother to the edge and then over a line she shouldn’t have crossed. She started taking sleeping tablets and anti-depressants and it escalated from there. I thought the lowest point had come when she got attacked after going to meet someone who said they could supply heroin. They took her handbag and her phone and she’d clearly taken something by the time she was found slumped in a shop doorway. Thankfully it was a volunteer from a local homelessness charity who found her, and my mother was able to tell them the name of my university. I was so grateful to them for contacting me rather than my father, and that’s how I first got involved with the charity, as a way of saying thank you. I don’t know what he’d have done if he’d discovered what she was doing when she was attacked.’
‘Your poor mum, and poor you.’ Eden’s hand was still resting on his leg and she wanted him to stop the car, so she could hug him, but she wanted him to finish the story too. It was like another layer of the armour he been wearing was being stripped away. These were things he’d been holding back since they’d got to know one another, but he finally seemed to trust her enough to tell her about this too. ‘No wonder you understood what I meant when I told you about Mum’s problems, but I had it far easier. I had Felix for a start and, even if my dad was in denial, he was always kind and loving in his own way. I can’t even imagine what it was like dealing with that on your own.’
‘I don’t think either of us had it easy.’ He turned towards her briefly then, a look of complete understanding passing between them, before he focused on the road again. ‘The worst part was that my mother being attacked didn’t turn out to be the lowest point of it all. That came with her accidental overdose.’
There was something about the way he said the wordaccidentalthat struck Eden. It was as if he’d put quotation marks around the word, and she was almost certain she knew what was coming next, but she didn’t want to interrupt him and she stayed silent as he continued.
‘I wanted answers after she died and I hoped they’d come with the postmortem, but they never really did. I wanted to make a difference for Flora and after that I wanted to make a difference for my mother too. I didn’t want another family to go through what I did, or feel like they were being fobbed off, because there were people who might not want the truth to come out. My father would have hated the interest it would have raked up in the press if it had been revealed that his actions had driven my mother to suicide. Sometimes I’ve even wondered if he encouraged her in some way.’ Drew shook his head. ‘Whatever his reason for accepting such a superficial investigation, he wanted to come out of the situation with his reputation unblemished. That was far more important than the truth, and I wanted to do what I could to try and change that.’
‘She’d have been so proud of you.’ Eden might never have met his mother, or even know much about her, but she was certain what she was saying was true. After all, how could anyone be anything but proud of what Drew had achieved?
‘I hope so.’ Drew turned the car down a narrow lane, with a sign directing them to where they could access the Camel Trail. ‘I’ll never know, but my father hates that I didn’t follow him into the law, and that’s more than enough for me. Right, here we are.’
Eden turned and looked out of the window. There was a large wooden building at the back of the car park, and a sign emblazoned with the words ‘Cycle Hire’.
Her heart sank, heat colouring her cheeks. ‘I thought I told you that I can’t ride a bike.’
‘You’ll be okay with what I’ve got planned. I promise you it will be fine.’ There was a smile playing around Drew’s lips and she realised she trusted him when he said it would be fine. She had no idea how, but she knew it would be. If Jesse had been wearing the same kind of expression as Drew, it would have been because he was laughing at her expense, planning something to show her up, and knock her confidence. He’d been a master at it. She knew without a shadow of a doubt that Drew would never deliberately do that to her and another wave of affection washed over her as he got out of the car and took Teddie out of his car seat. The little boy was hugging him tightly, almost as if he’d understood every word of the conversation they’d had on the way here and he wanted to comfort Drew the way Eden had wished she could.
