‘I can’t imagine how hard that was.’ Eden put her hand on his arm, and he didn’t want her to take it off, but he shook his head.
‘It’s far harder for her parents and everyone who loved her. I was just doing my job.’
‘I know, but it’s hard for us too. We do the jobs we do because we want to help. I became a nurse to make people better and when I can’t it breaks my heart, especially when it’s a child.’ Eden gave a shuddering sigh, her words catching in her throat as she continued. ‘You’re right though, I can’t stop thinking about her parents, or how I’d feel if it was Teddie.’
She started to cry, although he could see she was trying not to, her shoulders shaking. He wasn’t sure what to do, he knew what he wanted to do and what the ‘normal’ thing would be, but he had no idea if it was what Eden would want. Drew didn’t trust his gut, it had let him down too many times in the past, but just for once he decided to risk it. He put his arm around Eden’s shoulders and she leant into him, still sobbing. As hard as it was to see her hurting like that, it suddenly felt as if holding her was where they were both meant to be and part of him was already dreading having to let her go.
‘It’s just so awful.’ He had to strain to hear, her voice choking with tears. ‘I don’t know how her parents will ever be able to get over something like that enough to carry on.’
‘They’ll never get over it. I just hope they can find some way to get through it and keep moving forward. My mother never really did after my sister died…’ Eden’s head shot up in response to his words and he knew he had to tell her the rest. And just like before, he realised to his surprise that he wanted to. He hadn’t told anyone about Flora in years, but today he needed to say her name out loud and to tell her story.
Eden listened without saying anything as he explained how Flora’s illness had progressed, and how his mother had unravelled in the wake of her death. He told her about his father too, the respected barrister turned high court judge, who continued building his career without pausing for breath or appearing to mourn his daughter. He certainly didn’t support his wife or son through their grief. By the time Drew had finished speaking, Eden was holding his hand, his other arm still around her shoulders, and the weirdest part was that it didn’t feel awkward at all. It felt right.
‘I’m so sorry, Drew, losing Flora must have been unimaginably painful. You were so young too, and you didn’t have anyone to turn to.’ She was crying again, letting go of him to wipe her eyes and he immediately missed the sensation of her hand in his. ‘Looking after Connie must have brought it all back and you still did your best by her. I don’t think you’ve got any idea how amazing that makes you.’
Knowing Eden thought that way about him made it feel as though a wave of warm water had washed over him, but he still didn’t see what he’d done as anything special. Not compared to her. ‘Like I said, I was just doing my job. You met Connie and her parents, and had to deal with all their emotions when they realised how ill she might be. That’s the hard part, it’s not something I could ever do.’
‘I think you’re wrong. Maybe you deal with your own emotions and other people’s a bit differently on the surface, but I’ve been able to open up to you in a way I didn’t know I could any more. You’ve helped me more than I can say. We might not have spent that long together, but every time we’ve met up it has taught me something and I’m so glad that fate put you in my path.’ Eden moved closer, brushing her lips against his and his body responded, even as his mind raced, questioning everything about how he should react. But she pulled away again, before he stood any chance of working it out.
‘I’ve got to get back to A&E. I wish I didn’t have to.’ Her fingers curled around his for a moment, and she squeezed his hand before she let go. ‘Will you be okay?’
‘Of course I will, we both will. We have to be in the jobs we do, don’t we?’ He forced a smile, but it wasn’t like the mask he used to hide behind. He wanted to smile whenever he looked at Eden, it was just much harder to do it on a day like today.
‘We do.’ She hesitated for a moment, her eyes searching his. ‘Don’t feel you have to say yes, but I wondered if we could meet up again?’
‘I’d like that. It would be good to see Teddie.’ He wanted to tell her that it would be good to see her too, but he still wasn’t sure what it was she wanted from him. If it was just friendship, he didn’t want to risk messing up the chance of that because he could use a good friend too.
‘Great, I’ll text you. Take care, Drew.’ She touched his arm one final time before turning and walking away, and from the moment she disappeared from view, he missed her.
8
The patient Eden had just called through to the examination room for an assessment was shaking, and her eyes were glassy, as if she might burst into tears at any moment.
‘Come through, Mei, take a seat.’ The smile Eden offered the young woman wasn’t returned. Her records showed she was twenty-three, but she could have been mistaken for someone ten years younger than that. She was small and very slim, without a trace of make-up evident on her face.
‘It says here that you’ve been having strange sensations in your hands and feet, but can you tell me a bit more about what’s been going on?’ Eden’s tone was gentle, but the threatened tears in Mei’s eyes spilled over, nonetheless.
‘I’ve been having these weird sensations and I think it’s—’ The words caught in Mei’s throat and she started to sob. Rules on physical contact between staff and patients were set out in a list of guidelines, but sometimes there was only one thing to do in these situations, regardless of whether it aligned with protocol.
Getting up, Eden moved towards the young woman, crouching in front of her and taking her hand. ‘It’s okay, Mei, I know this is really scary. Whatever is wrong, we can help. Just take your time and breathe, then you can explain what’s been happening.’
Mei nodded, taking slow shuddery breaths to try and regain control of her emotions. When she finally seemed ready, Eden asked her a question.
‘Do you think you’re okay to try and tell me what’s been going on?’
‘Yes.’ Mei’s voice was so quiet that Eden had to strain to hear it, and she gave her patient what she hoped was a reassuring smile.
‘Okay, take your time, there’s no hurry.’ As Eden moved back to her seat, Mei started to speak. Her voice was still so quiet that if Eden had begun to make notes on the computer, the sound of her tapping on the keyboard would have drowned Mei’s voice out.
‘I’ve had pins and needles and numbness, and it’s getting worse. It started in my hands and I thought it was because of my playing.’
‘Playing?’ Eden gave her a questioning look, all kinds of possibilities racing through her mind. If Mei was about to tell her that she made her living as an international poker player, it would qualify as one of the biggest surprises Eden had experienced working in A&E, and she’d seen a lot of very shocking things in her career.
‘I’m a violinist and I’ve been studying and working in London. There aren’t many opportunities to take master classes, or audition for orchestras in Cornwall, so moving there was the obvious solution.’ For the first time Mei smiled. ‘I love being back home and seeing my family, but I need to be in London if I’ve got any chance of having a career as a violinist. I was sure I was just overdoing it; I’d been playing so much and practising whenever I got the opportunity. I thought if I came home for a few weeks and rested, the pins and needles in my hands would go away, but if anything it’s got worse and it’s in my feet now too. I looked on Google and there were so many scary things it said it might be. I’m not registered with a GP down here any more and I didn’t know where else to go.’
Mei looked close to tears again, and Eden kept her tone deliberately upbeat. ‘You’ve done the right thing coming in, but there are lots of reasons for pins and needles and the vast majority of them aren’t serious. I’m going to ask a few more questions. Try not to worry too much, although I know that’s hard.’
‘Okay.’ Mei was biting her lip, clearly still terrified, but Eden needed to get as much information as possible to try and work out whether this was likely to be something as simple as a trapped nerve, or a far more complex condition. It wasn’t her job to diagnose, but getting as much information as possible during the assessment would help ensure Mei saw the right specialist as soon as possible. Whatever was wrong wasn’t immediately life threatening, and Eden wanted to give her colleagues as much detail as she possibly could.
