“I love you.” He grinned, liking the way the words felt in his mouth, how they sounded out loud. “I love you.”
And just like that, like an unexpected branch popping a balloon and stealing all of the life out of it, making it shrink until it disappeared, Lexi pulled away. She picked up her skirt, shaking her head, and looked at him with sadness swamping her eyes.
“I can’t do this. I have to go.”
Will stood on the dance floor, staring after her as she wove through the crowd, ignoring people and pushing past. Stunned, he didn’t even go after her because despite the fact that he knew what he said was true, he very much loved her, what had just happened didn’t feel real. More than that, he didn’t want it to be.
Thirty-seven
Like an actual runaway bride from some stupid romcom her mom would read or watch, Lexi hurried out of Side Tap to the parking lot. The drivers were laughing and chatting, leaning against their vehicles. The October moon hung low in the sky, creating an eerie glow.
Will’s driver pushed off the back of the limo. “You okay, Ms. Danby?”
She nodded, biting back tears with sheer willpower. “I need to go home.”
He didn’t ask any questions, just opened the door for her, let her slide into the cool leather seat. She heard Will shout her name as the door closed. In a romcom, she would have escaped. The camera would pan to her gorgeous, tear-streaked profile looking out the back of the tinted limo window at Will, standing in the moonlight. It’d do a close-up on him, standing devastated because she was absolutely awful, and in the movie version, everyone would hate her for just a minute, but it would be nothing compared to how she felt about herself right now.
But this wasn’t a movie and the other door opened, Will sliding in beside her just before the driver took his spot and started the vehicle.
How was she supposed to hold her tears back if she had to talk to him?
His face was etched with concern. “Lexi. What’s going on?”
She ran the silky organza of the dress through her fingers, unable to look at him. “This was a mistake. All of it.”
“Coming here?” He sounded genuinely perplexed.
Lexi looked up, blinking rapidly in the hope of staying dry-eyed. “Being together. I’m not built for the fairy-tale ending, Will. It’s too much. And who really gets the happy ending, anyway? Look at my mom. Her ending was ripped away and it changed her forever. I can’t handle that. I can’t do this.” She gestured to the dress. “This isn’t me. I can’t be with you knowing that one day, somehow, it’ll fall apart. My mom is a shell of who she used to be and I feel like I’m just figuring out who I am again. But all of the lies on top of the real is making my head spin.”
He scooted closer, taking her hand between both of his. “No more lies. Tell me how you feel, Lexi. How do you really feel about me?”
Therein lay the problem. “I don’t want this. I don’t want to fall so hard I won’t ever be able to get back up. I’ve got my mom, finishing school. I never should have sat down with you that day. It was so unfair of me. All because I couldn’t face the fact that I’d amounted to nothing.”
Anger flashed in his gaze. “Stop. I fucking hate when you do that.Youare notnothing. You’reeverything.”
She shook her head, pulled her hand back. “No. I can’t be and you can’t be for me. You’re amazing, Will. You deserve someone who matches you in every single way, and that isn’t me. I’ve been letting myself go along with all this, letting myself believe it could maybe become real.”
“Itisreal. I love you. That’s as real as it gets.”
Her heart cracked like a windshield, right in the center, sending little cracks in every direction.
“We just got caught up in everything. We need to go back to our own lives.” She needed to finish helping her mom get better, finishschool, tell her old friends the truth. If she couldn’t face who she’d become, the real version of herself, how could Will possibly love her? The person she’d been in the last several weeks wasn’t the real her. She didn’t even know who that was anymore.
“Tell me you don’t love me,” he said, his voice harsh and low.
She looked into his eyes, her heart pressing against her ribs painfully, and told one more lie. The one that would set him free. The one she needed to tell because he needed more, deserved more.
“I don’t love you,” she whispered.
Lexi didn’t bother coming into the house quietly when the car dropped her off. The last thing she did before turning away from Will was give him back the ring. It was never really hers. And she shouldn’t have believed he could be either.
She’d seen Maisie’s Jeep in the driveway. Clearly, her friend had seen her leave and beaten her home. So much for crawling into her bed and blocking out the world. Locking the door behind her, she slipped off her shoes, eager to get out of her mother’s wedding dress.
“Lex?” Maisie’s voice came from the top of the stairs.
“It’s me,” she said.
Her body felt like a pumpkin, carved out and cut up. How could doing the right thing make her ache this much? Maisie came down the steps, stopped when she saw Lexi. She’d thrown some joggers and a sweater on.
