Shattering beneath me.
Adelaide angrily wiped a tear away and deadened, “Fuck you, Christian.”
I reached out when her scent wafted past me, but I was too late.
She was already near the top of the stairs, and I was at the bottom.
If I were another man in another world, I’d run after her.
In this world, I was Christian Hayes.
A man burdened with too many secrets, no room for love, and a heart of stone filled with too much fucking acrimony.
THIRTY-EIGHT
ADELAIDE
Mindlessly walkingacross New York City wasn’t in my plans for today. Tears burned the outer corners of my lids, but they stayed put.
They’ve carried themselves for a long time, they could do it a while longer.
A beautiful day crowded over the city with the sun shining down in late-August heat.
It could’ve been a perfect day.
He prepared seven themes for seven missed birthdays only to break my heart before the last one. Maybe this was a sign that we couldn’t work. Love was a beautiful feeling but not every beautiful feeling is meant to be felt. Our story survived years of pain and minutes of trying to forget it.
I’d forgotten moments of it and was entirely close to forgetting Christian when he pranced back into my life. I wanted to pretend that Christian loved me when he held my hand and led me to each tent, when he kissed away a tear, or when he hugged me back.
My heels clacked against the cement road before squishing against grass.
Straight ahead, I sat in between my parents and let the silence invade my senses. Every thought about Christian came into me like a tornado destroying everything in its path. However, instead of indulging in it. I moved on.
Maybe he didn’t mean?—
It doesn’t matter.
Beg, he said. I begged once and he threw me out.
Confidence didn’t hold well within me, but I would never sweep that small portion away to get him again.
My knees held invisible reminders of that day.
Each intrusive thought flew away with a hefty flick.
I didn’t speak.
Didn’t say a damn word.
My parents comforted me with their undying presence, and I bathed in it, wishing they were here.
To hold me.
To love me.
To tell me it was okay.
Instead, I was left alone with these thoughts and another broken heart.
