“Mr. Ravage, I must say—” His chin wobbles as I huff a cruel laugh.
“I’m done having these conversations with you. If you have any other issue with our policies, take it up with the board. Otherwise, I suggest you stop wasting my time.”
Stepping back, my eyes bore into his. I watch with glee as his jaw tightens, and for a minute, I think he might fight back. Instead, he smooths his jacket as though regaining his composure.
“I’ll leave you to your day, Mr. Ravage,” he says, his tone icy.
Turning on his heel, he walks down the hallway. His shoes echo for what feels like forever, but finally, the silence finds me again.
When he’s finally gone, I close the door, leaning my forehead against it as the adrenaline drains out of me. I won this round… but why doesn’t it feel like victory?
My hands are trembling. My chest feels tight, as though I’ve run a marathon but never had the chance to catch my breath.
This has been a long fucking day.
I sink into my chair, running a hand over my face as the weight of everything I’ve been holding at bay crashes down on me. I’ve always been able to keep my cool. Even in the worst moments, I’ve prided myself on my restraint, my ability to outthink, outlast. But now? Now I’ve lost control completely.
Rod’s words circle in my head like vultures.
You can’t control what parents choose to do with their children if they were to find out… certain things about you.
I know his threat isn’t empty. This isn’t just about my job, it’s about my integrity. My identity. How can I be entrusted with these kids if the parents don’t approve of who I love, or how I choose to live my life?
And God, the hypocrisy of it all. These parents don’t know anything about me. Not really, anyway. How could they, when I barely know myself? When I’m still fucking figuring it out?
Julian’s kiss flashes through my mind, the warmth of his lips, the way he didn’t hesitate to claim me. I can still feel the ghost of it, but instead of comfort, it brings a fresh wave of panic. Rodsaw. He saw me kissing Julian, and I can only imagine what conclusions he’s drawing, what whispers will ripple through the school if he decides to share what he saw.
I’ve spent my life living in service to others. To the church. To this school. To my family. And now? Now I’m caught between a love I’m still trying to understand and the impossible expectations of a community that would crucify me if they knew the truth.
I glance at my shelf, where the rosary Julian had brushed earlier sits like a relic of some distant, simpler version of myself.What would they think if they knew the headmaster is bisexual? That I’m in love with a man and a woman? That I’m still trying to make sense of what it all means?
It’s not just the parents. It’s me. My doubts. My contradictions.
My whole life is so different than what I expected it to be. I’d kept myself in this box for almost two decades, finding comfort in the simplicity. Finding release in a way thatIcould control. And now? The Ashfords turned my whole world upside down, and it feels like everything I once knew is slipping away.
And that scares me to the very depths of my bones.
I walk over and pick up the rosary, turning it over in my hands. The smooth beads press into my palm, grounding me in the same way they always have. Despite not being Catholic, I do find the rituals to be beautiful, and the meaning behind things to be in line with what I believe as a Christian.
But the weight of them feels heavier now. And the silence of the room feels oppressive, like it’s swallowing me whole.
I’ve always believed in a God that loves all humans. My faith will always be here.
But my job? My students? Kids like Bradleigh, who need me to fight for them?
I’m not convinced the powers that be will see it the same way.
When my phone buzzes with a new message, I walk to my desk and reach for it automatically. It’s from Sophie, a picture of the shop floor, half finished but brimming with potential. Her text is short and sweet.
Sophie
Thanks for helping today! Couldn’t have done it without you. Hope your meeting went okay.
I stare at the screen, my thumb hovering over the keyboard.
I want to reply.
I want to tell her how much it meant to be there, how much she and Julian mean to me.
