Resigned.
“Zoey.” My voice is pleading. I walk over to her, but she holds a hand out.
“You’ve become my very best friend here in Oxford.” She stops and takes a deep breath, her voice soothing, practiced. “I’m not mad. I’m disappointed.”
Yeah, being scolded by a psychology student feels great. It’s like she knows exactly what to say, andhowto say it, to maximize the guilt. I don’t blame her, though.
“I promise I was going to tell you tonight. I was in a rush earlier, and if you’ll let me explain—”
“Stop,” she interrupts, sighing. Rubbing the bridge of her nose, she opens the door. “I don’t care. The fact is you lied to me. Friends don’t lie to each other. I wouldn’t have cared if you said you’d gone. Sure, I would’ve judged you because that shit was weird—but we would’ve had a laugh, and I would’ve moved on.” She gives me a sad smile, sighing. “Lying is a hard limit for me. I don’t want to talk about it right now, but I refuse to be lied to. I just need some space. I know, I should be all about open communication because of uni, but right now I’m angry and I need to remove myself from the situation. I’ll be back next weekend, and we can talk then.”
And then she closes the door, leaving me alone, wallowing in my guilt.
I sag down into the couch and dial Lily, glancing at my watch and hoping beyond belief that she’s still awake.
“Hi,” she says, her voice slightly groggy.
“Did I wake you?” I ask, curling up underneath the blanket.
“No, I’m reading in bed. Salem is snoring next to me, so I won’t be sleeping until I shove him awake.”
I laugh. “I was just calling to say hi,” I say, but my voice fractures on the last word.
“Tell me,” she says, her voice sounding slightly more concerned.
I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. The second she thinks I might be in danger, I know she’ll take the first train out of Paris, and she has Delilah to take care of. It would uproot her life. She’s so insanely loyal that she wouldn’t care. She would be here tomorrow morning, if not sooner. So, I keep my mouth shut about the Brotherhood, the ceremonies, and the blood oath. And that means I can’t tell her how I hurt Zoey with my lies. It’s the same lies that I’d have to tell Lily, and I cannot do that. I fumble, thinking of the first thing I can think of.
“Benedict kissed me.”
She groans. “Took you guys long enough.”
I combat my annoyance. As much as I love her, I really resent the fact that she thinks I can brush off what happened to me that easily. Like kissing Benedict has been a long time coming, when for years I couldn’t even imagine being with a man. I take a deep breath. She doesn’t fully understand—and she never will. But that’s okay.
“I know,” I say, appeasing her. “I just…” I trail off.
“I’m sorry,” she says quickly. “That was an asshole thing to say.”
I nod and smile, though she can’t see me. “Thank you.”
“So how was it?”
“What?” I ask, my voice weary.
“The kiss. As I recall, he was a pretty good kisser.”
“I did not need to be reminded that you guys have kissed,” I laugh, wincing.
“Don’t worry, it was like kissing my brother. He’s in love with you, Evelyn. He has been since the day he rescued you.”
“He’s not in love with me,” I retort, laughing.
“Are you really that blind?”
I swallow, the truth getting lodged in my throat. Shrugging, I respond.
“Look, it’s not serious. It just happened.”
“You’re trying to find excuses to not feel what you feel for him.”
