“You said earlier about how you were destined to give birth to a troll. I’ve never heard you talk about kids.” Her wide, questioning eyes find mine.
I have to physically stop myself from rolling my eyes in response. “It was hypothetical.”
Lily sips her coffee and sets it down gently, a couple of bracelets jangling on her bony wrist. “I’ve never heard you mention kids, that’s all.”
“I never said I didn’t want kids.” I look at the menu. “Are we ordering food, or…” I trail off, changing the subject.
Lily’s features pinch together for a second, and then she shakes her head. “Yeah, sure.”
The waitress takes our food order, and the woman seated next to us lights up a cigarette.
“God, I miss smoking,” she says, her voice a resigned exhale.
I laugh. “I’m glad you quit. I don’t want you to get cancer.”
She sighs wistfully. “I know. Trust me, Salem made a very good argument when I quit before getting pregnant. I miss the feeling of moody moroseness, of staring straight ahead as the smoke twirls around, of befriending strangers for a light.”
“You wouldn’t miss it if you were hooked up to a ventilator, dying of emphysema.”
“Jesus, Ev.” Lily brushes her hair behind her shoulder and leans in, giving me a shy smile as she bites her lower lip. “Salem wants another one.”
I almost spit my coffee out. “Another kid?”
She nods, and I can tell from her twinkling eyes that she wants another one, too.
“Technically, he wants six more, but two is my limit.”
I chuckle. “Two is a nice number.” The waitress sets our plate of moules et frites.
“For my perineum, if nothing else.”
Shaking my head, I grimace. “I didn’t need that visual.”
“Anyway, I told him that we need a bigger flat first. I have stipulations.”
I burst out laughing. “No, you don’t. I’m sure I’ll get a call next week. And I bet if anyone could convince you to have five more children, it would be Salem.”
“You’re probably right,” she says, grimacing. “Ugh.” She’s quiet for a minute. “Benedict has been texting us a lot lately. Wanting to say hi to Delilah. They have a standing Saturday FaceTime date. 7:30pm.”
My mind immediately goes back to last weekend, when he was grinning maniacally at his phone in the car ride after the bar. Was it around that time?Did I ruin that for them?
“Oh yeah? That’s nice.”
“Yeah. He couldn’t make it last weekend, because he said he was with you.”
I clench my jaw. “Yeah, I bumped into him at a bar.”
“Is that all?” She leans forward and takes my hands. “You can tell me anything, you know that, right?”
I swallow. “I know. And I’m being honest when I say, nothing is going on.”
She nods, giving me a wary look. I can tell she doesn’t believe me.
We stay for another hour, the sun beginning to set behind the white, Edwardian buildings directly in front of us. All of the cafes along this street start to light table candles, getting ready for the evening crowd. Once I pay—something I practically have to fight Lily to do—we take the metro to Salem and Lily’s flat. She pushes the old, antique door to their flat open. Salem and Benedict are sitting at the dining room table with glasses of amber-colored liquid. Lily saunters over to Salem and drapes her arms around him as she gives him a long kiss. They mutter to each other and I look away, suddenly uncomfortable as Benedict’s eyes land on me.
“I made your favorite pasta,” Salem offers, wrapping an arm around Lily’s waist. I can tell by his glassy eyes that he—and Benedict, who is watching me with a hooded gaze—are on at least their fourth glass of liquor. Whiskey, by the smell permeating through the flat. “Felix and Henry have Delilah for dinner, and they’re going to drop her off around nine.”
Lily nods and gestures for me to join them at the table, but Benedict’s gaze makes me hesitate. It’s all-encompassing yet amused. Almost like we share a secret, which I suppose we do. Him beingThe Director,but also something else, something that Lily and Salem don’t understand.His brokenness.His need to start somewhere new as well. Away fromhispast.My need to self-sabotage. His need to protect me.He leans back, never breaking eye contact, and it’s like I know exactly what he’s thinking.
