My hands fell away from my sides and fisted. “You do realize I can just return without you, right?”
“You would never.”
“Wanna bet?”
“Yes.”
My gaze fixed on his knowing half-smile, and like with Lirian and many other times, I sort of lost my temper. “Fine, Casteel. A lot has been thrown at me.” Eather flared inside me, hot and ready. “I don’t even remember seeing my father, but sure, let’s chat. Do you want to start with what I unfortunately do remember? Like killing my mother?”
The smirk disappeared.
“And yeah, I am fine with that. It’s true.” I stepped forward. “She needed to die. But I can still hear her bones cracking—bonesIcracked. Or should we talk about how it feels that I did who knows what while under Kolis’s influence?”
“You didn’t do anything, Poppy.”
“Sure.” I smiled, and it felt sharp. “Or we could talk about how anytime I think of the Continents, all I hear is the sound of thousands of people screaming in pain and fear? Or what it was like not to be able to do anything to help them?” My chest hummed. “Or how about that I see those little girls clutching dinner knives in their hands when I close my eyes? Or Tawny’s face?” I should have asked Seraphena aboutthanions.Damn it.“And think about how I ruined her.”
He leaned forward. “You didn’t—”
“No.” I swiped my hand through the air. “You wanted to talk about how I feel. That’s how I feel. You don’t get to say I don’t.”
Casteel shut up real quick.
I should’ve followed suit, but I didn’t. “We could talk about the shock of seeing my grandmother for the first time. Or what it’s like to know that my own flesh and blood was responsible for the state Jadis was in. It feels like shit, in case you were wondering.”
He inhaled sharply.
“But I’m guessing what you really want to talk about is Sotoria,” I said, my voice hitching on the name. “Well, you know what I want to talk about? What hasyourhead messed up? Is it how I’m no longerjustPoppy?”
“What?” Casteel jerked back.
“Is that what’s messing up your head?” I demanded. “I mean, you just found out your wife has apparently lived dozens of lives and has a psychotic true Primal of Death obsessed with her. Thathasto be it.”
Casteel stood. “It’s not.”
I laughed, but it sounded scratchy. “Really?”
“Okay, it is.”
Drawing in a stinging breath, I crossed my arms as a sharp ache blossomed deep within my chest. My clothing felt too tight, my skin sticky.
“But not how you must be thinking,” he said, stepping forward.
“And how am I thinking about it? Seriously.” I turned sideways. It was a genuine question because I had no ideawhatI was thinking.
“I’m thinking it’s all kind of insane.” He took another step forward. “It doesn’t sound real.”
A low laugh escaped me. “Well, we can agree on that.”
“But it is real,” he said. “And none of that changes that you’re still Poppy to me.”
I scoffed and looked at him. “Really? I thought Primals couldn’t lie?”
His chin dipped. “I’m not.”
“Or maybe that doesn’t apply toDeminyenPrimals,” I countered, my neck tingling. Instinct told me that what I just said was wrong. The same ruledidapply toDeminyenPrimals. But what defined a lie wasn’t as black and white as one would think. There were half-truths—sugar-coated ones. Well-meaning falsehoods. But it all depended on the motivation that birthed the lie.DeminyenPrimals couldn’t tell lies fueled by manipulation. “Or maybe you’re just not Casteel anymore?”
He raised his brows. “What is that supposed to mean?”
