His jaw clenched as he readjusted his stance, “And what if I was looking for that, Pepper? I’m not a saint. Would that make me so fucking terrible? Because someday—”
The door below us opened and voices echoed up the stairs. My heart was hammering and my knees freaking wobbled. Was he saying he wanted to start hooking up with girls soon? With Linette, maybe?
I held my clothes tightly as Rylen and I moved aside to let people pass. As luck would have it, Linette was in the rear of that group. Ugh, my stomach. She slugged Rylen in the arm and watched him with sultry eyes as she passed. Throwing up was a definite possibility.
“Get some rest, Airman. Big day tomorrow.”
He lifted his chin in response. She flicked her eyes to me for a second and continued up.
Yeah, see, the thing about Linette was that I reluctantly admired her. I’d always thought of myself as a girl who could hang with the big dogs, but she took it to a whole other level. If she wasn’t after Rylen, I’d try to make nice. But as it was, I was currently swallowing bile due to her, so no thank you on making nice.
“All right,” Rylen said when we were alone again. He let out a long breath. “Just . . . forget I said that.”
Not a chance.“I don’t expect you to never move on. It’sher, in particular, that I don’t—crap, I don’t know what I’m saying.”
“You want to pick who I’m with someday?” he asked. I couldn’t get a reading on his tone. His intensity was making me nervous, like he was angry or his frustration had escalated. Rylen had never been this way with me before. He moved up to the same step as me, looking down, searching my face. “‘Cause what if the woman I want is not whoyou’dchoose for me? What if you don’t want what I want?”
My eyes burned and I swallowed moisture away. I picked through the confusion of his words and chose my own carefully. “Of course I don’t think I get to pick for you, Ry. I know I have no say-so in your decisions,believe me.”
“What does that mean?” he asked.
“Nothing.” I shook my head, my face hot. “I need to go to bed.” I turned to go up, away from this conversation and the direction it had turned.
“Aren’t you doing laundry?”
My face flamed. “I’ll wait ‘till morning.”Stupid, stupid, stupid.
We took the stairs up and then paused in the hallway between our rooms. I had no idea what had transpired between us in the stairwell. I just knew I felt dejected.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have said any of that. I have a lot on my mind. It’s no excuse, I know.”
As embarrassed as I was, I didn’t want to leave things like this, not when he was going on a dangerous mission tomorrow.
“We haven’t talked in so long.” I swallowed, looked down at the carpet and then back up.Say it, Amber.“I miss you.”
He stared at the wall and I swear his muscles all relaxed as his face took on a tired expression. “I miss you too. I know our schedules have been nuts since we got here. We should all hang out when I get back tomorrow night.”
All? Oh. Of course.
“What?” he asked. My face must have fallen.
“Nothing.” I forced a small smile and held my dirty laundry tighter. “We should definitely hang out tomorrow when you get back. Be careful, okay? No crazy heroics.”
“I’ll do my best.” He leaned forward and kissed my forehead, then watched me as I let myself into my room, feeling less excited than when I left it.
