He exhaled, running a hand through his hair. “I had all night to think about it, Lily. I realized I never want to lose ye. I wouldnae survive it.”
She gave a nervous chuckle. “But I ken ye willnae let that happen. Ye said that yerself last night, did ye nae?”
“Aye,” he responded. “Anyone who dares come close to ye will meet the tip of me blade. But Lily…” He swallowed. “Ye’re too independent for me to be with ye all the time, and I cannae chain ye to me side.”
“So yer answer is to send me away?” she asked, her voice rising.
“I am trying to protect ye.”
“Oh, spare me that.” She moved closer, jabbing her finger at his chest. “Ye’re doing what ye always do—thinking I cannae handle things, believing the only way is to push me aside. Now, remind me, where have I seen this before?”
He clenched his jaw. “This isnae the same as ten years ago, Lily. I am nae?—”
“Nay,” she cut him off. “It isnae ten years ago. Ye daenae get to do the same thing to metwice.Ye cannae send me away without so much as an explanation.”
“Lily—”
“Ye cannae run from this.”
He stared at her, the pain rising in his throat. “Please, try to understand?—”
“Oh, I understand plenty.” Her voice broke, yet she jutted her chin. “Ye always leave. That’s what ye do, is it nae?”
The back of his throat burned, but it was clear she was nowhere near done.
“First, ye left yer clan to join me faither’s boat. Then, ye left me faither’s boat right after the ceremony. And now ye wantmegone this time, just for a change. Is that it?”
“That is nae true?—”
“Ye ken, me maither used to say, when someone shows ye who they are, believe them the first time.”
His breath came heavy, his hands curling at his sides. “Ye have it wrong. I didnae leave me clan to join yer faither’s boat.”
“Alasdair, ye cannae just try to lie yer way out?—”
“I was sold.”
She froze.
Alasdair leaned against the desk. He might as well reveal the truth to her now.
“What?” Lily whispered.
Alasdair drew a deep breath, the weight of old shame pressing down on him. “When I was born, I was sickly. Nay one thought I would last a year. Me family decided I wasnae worth keeping, nae even as a spare heir to Jeremiah. So they gave me away.”
Her hand flew to her mouth, and she shook her head as if she was trying to clear it. “What are ye sayin’?”
“Aye,” he said, his voice rough. “Everyone turned their back on me. Everyone but me uncle. He was the only one who asked after me, the only one who remembered I existed. The night of our handfasting, I received word from him. He told me that Jeremiah was dead, that war was tearing the land apart, and that I had to return.”
Lily stepped closer, her eyes wide and her voice faint. “So ye left me because…”
“I never wanted to leave ye,” he croaked. “But it was me home, Lily. And if I was going to die, I wanted to die fighting for me clan. I didnae want ye to come with me because I wanted ye to live. I wanted ye to survive what I might nae.”
Her eyes glistened, but she held her chin high. “So ye left in the middle of the night because ye were ready to die, but didnae want me to?”
“Aye.” His voice cracked. “Ye didnae deserve to be dragged into that. They were me family, nae yers. And I could never forgive meself if ye had died for them.”
Her silence pressed heavier than her words.
