When his lips touched mine, it was soft and seeking. Tentative yet firm. It was years of friendship shifting into languid heat that rolled through my body from head to toe. It was the experience of beingseenfor the first time.
I gasped into his mouth, pressing back into the kiss. He met my lips with tenderness, like he was trying toshowme the truth of his words. That he cared about me and was trying to help me. That I didn’t have to be consumed by my failures.
When he pressed forward, stepping into my body, I reacted the same, pushing him backward until his back met the wall next to my bed. My hands trailed up his arms, then cradled the back of his neck as I deepened the kiss even further. He tasted so damngood.
I’d always thought of Leona as my light. The bonfire guiding me through the darkness my mind constantly existed in, no matter how deeply I attempted to bury my past.
Ciel flickered in my heart as a twin flame. For a singular breath, I wondered if the two of them together could burn away the shadows that plagued me.
But it wasn’t possible. I didn’t deserve it to be possible.
I pulled away, breaking the kiss to stare at the way his cheeks flushed pink against his brown skin. His eyes filled with warmth as his hands gripped my waist, pulling me close. I wanted so badly to give in to the softness and hardness of his body.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, a small smile blooming on his swollen lips. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long.”
He kissed me again, soft and luxurious and slow. My cock stiffened in my pants, and for the briefest of moments, I considered pushing him down on my bed.
It didn’t matter how much I wanted it.
I broke the kiss. “I can’t do this, Ciel.”
His smile faltered. My heart fractured within my chest as he closed himself off from me. Even as his fingers reached up to brush against my jaw, and I took in a deep shuddering breath, I couldn’t stop myself from stepping back from him. The absence of him was cold.
“Wynn—”
“Please, Ciel,” I begged, not even knowing what I was begging for. Maybe it was just that I didn’t want him to look at me like I was breaking his heart. “I want to go to bed. Not a lie this time.”
His throat bobbed, and his mouth opened, but no sound came out. He just nodded while he rubbed the back of his neck and left my room without another word.
33
LEONA
The next day, my head felt a little more clear.
Orik Vokshi’s death seemed to reset my brain. I slept well for once, and I took it as proof that if I could just deal with the Albanians for good, I could leave all my pain in the past where it belonged.
After waking up in a sprawl of limbs, which I was quickly becoming accustomed to, I called a family meeting. We needed to get on the same page about what to do next and how we were going to juggle all the balls we had in the air without letting them drop and shatter.
On the ride home, Ryuji had loosened a lot of the tension between me and the guys. At first, I wasn’t sure how my body was going to react when we finally had sex again. I was terrified something would come up. A memory. A flashback. A fear. Ryuji knew exactly what I needed. Putting me in charge, allowing me to hold on to my power and control, was exactly the right motivation. I feltsafe.
“So, family meeting,” Cas said from the kitchen. He and Ryu had just come upstairs from the gym after sparring. I hadn’t yet watched or gone toe to toe with either of them, but I wanted to.I’d probably get laid flat on the mat, but I’d come a long way since Wynn first started training me, and maybe I could get the drop on them just like I had with Wynn a few times.
“We need to talk about next steps,” I responded, dishing out our food into six of the new fancy pasta bowls that Obi had purchased since we’d moved in.
That man was constantly buying me things—new blankets, dishes, clothes—then pretending he had nothing to do with it, but it was so obvious it felt like a game now.
“Yeah, since Wynn killed our only lead,” Ryu said, voice flat.
Wynn’s shoulders curled inward, and he turned away from the kitchen island to face the massive windows instead.
“He moved to protect me quicker than anyone else,” I responded. “We don’t know what would have happened. The whole situation just sucked.”
Max showing up had created a total shitshow. Wynn did the best he could do, and I didn’t blame him at all for Vokshi’s death. In fact, I felt relieved by it.
“I wonder what else we could have gotten had I been able to torture him,” Ryu said, voice dripping with frustration. “We could know where the rest of them are, where they’re keeping more women, how they’re getting into and out of the city. But,nope.”
“Stop, Ryu.” Defensiveness straightened my shoulders and coiled in my stomach. “You’re being unfair.”
