But in truth, I wasn’t sure. A sharp pain laced across my chest as their words, and our reality, settled in.
Chiara. My best friend. Getting married to the boy I used to love.
She knew, too. We’d spent hours and hours whispering how I might finally get him to love me the same way I loved him. On the night of my birthday party, she’d touched the starburst necklace in awe and told me with confidence that it was only amatter of time. Men didn’t just give gifts likethatto people they didn’t love.
I’d believed her. I’d let her encourage me.
But was she thinking differently the entire time? Was she hiding her true self from me, just like Max had done all those years?
Could I kill her if I needed to?
I sucked in a breath, finding myself unable to speak. Emotion choked me. There was another thought plaguing the back of my mind, sending me down a dark spiral of heartbreak.
I knew it was illogical and stupid, especially with the five most amazing men sitting right in front of me. I knew I had no reason to be letting this thought cut me so deeply, but I couldn’t fucking stop it.
What was so wrong with me that Max didn’t want me?
What was so much better about Chiara?
Tears pricked my eyes. I jumped to my feet.
“Excuse me,” I said. There was no way I’d sit here in tears, losing even more of their respect. “I need a few moments. Can we finish this discussion later? Make a new plan then?”
I asked no one in particular, instead staring at my black socks against the beautiful designer rug.
It was Obi who answered, “Of course. Everyone, let us get some rest. We will discuss more after we’ve slept.”
Before the tears could fall, before I could see how they all looked at me with pity in their eyes, I fled from the room.
11
CIEL
“Don’t,” I said when Cas, Wynn, and Ryuji stood to chase after her. Watching her struggle to understand her feelings had caused a pain so strong in my chest it took my breath away. “Wait.”
The guys turned to look at me. Obi raised an eyebrow, Ryuji stared in disbelief, and Cas’s and Wynn’s faces carried heavy surprise.
“We can’t just let her run away like that,” Wynn said, voice tight. He gestured toward the hallway. “She’s clearly breaking down.”
I knew that. I saw that, but this felt like something I had to do. Standing, I rubbed my clammy palms on my jeans. “I know. Let me.”
Wynn and Cas looked at me like I’d grown an extra head, like there was no way in hellIcould do a better job at making her feel better than they could. I shifted my weight from foot to foot. What was I doing? They had more right to help her. She loved them both, and the last time I’d been alone with her, I’d shut her down, and pushed her away. I was probably the last person she needed or wanted to see right now.
But I also knew the expression on her face, the pain that gripped her entire body. I knew, more than anyone else in this room, what it felt like to feel unwanted and alone.
“Please,” I said, trying to infuse confidence into my voice. I fisted my hands at my side. “Just let me have five minutes with her.”
I was there when we watched Volpe say he got engaged last night. I’d heard her gasp. I’d seen her face collapse in despair. The pain on her face had mirrored the same rejection I’d felt my entire life. I didn’t know what I could do to help her, but I knew I had to try. Especially since all I’d done for the last few days was push her away.
Cas ran his hand through his hair, grimacing. He itched to follow her, and I didn’t blame him. He knew her better than any of us.
“Caspian, let’s review the footage,” Obi said calmly. “We may learn more about Volpe’s or Chiara’s motives if we analyze it.”
I waited for Cas’s response, only to see Obi give a slight nod. I breathed out in relief. He was trying to help in his own way.
Cas glanced in my direction with a reluctant sigh. “She just needs someone to listen, Ciel.”
“Thanks,” I murmured.
