I tell him it’s mostly good, and when he finds out I’m just chilling in my room, my phone starts to ring with a call. He’s one of the only twenty-somethings I know who prefers phone calls to texting.
“Comment ?a vaaaa?”his accented voice shouts into the phone.
“?a va bien, merci.”
“Wow. Look at you, Molly. Busting out the French. How is family time going for you?”
I fill him in on the night’s activities, and tomorrow’s plans to do it all again with my dad. JP has a million questions about my siblings, and I find myself answering all of them. As usual, he just makes everything feel so easy—even talking, which sometimes feels like the hardest thing in the world.
Nothing has really changed between us since Halloween, other than more frequent calls and texting, but there’s been a thought hovering around in my head, a fly that swoops just out of reach every time I try to smack it.
Out of all the horrible things Paul said to me that night, only one of them actually stuck:He wants a piece of Molly’s ass. Come on, you’ve all seen it. He was jealous.
I know Paul was drunk and spouting bullshit the whole time, but I keep hearing those words over and over, wondering what made him say them. I still don’t know what happened before he punched JP. I’ve been too afraid of the answer to ask, because after everything that went down, I should be feeling less drawn to JP, not more.
He’s out of my league, out of my reach, and yet I can’t forget whathesaid to me that night either:All those bad things happened becauseyouwere out oftheirleague
It would be crazy of me to turn my world on its head because of a single sentence. Halloween only proved that everything I’ve come to believe is true. I’d be an idiot to ignore that.
Just the sound of his voice in my ear tonight really makes me wish I could, though.
“So Kenzie is a party girl, huh?”
I tune back into our conversation. “Yeah, she’s shaping up to be one. She’s really popular. It’s weird. It’s like...Stephen and I went in one direction after the divorce, and Kenzie totally went in the other. She soaks attention up like it’s sunlight. She loves to have everyone’s eyes on her. It’s like she needs it as bad as I need to blend in. Maybe it’s a youngest child thing.”
“Maybe.” JP’s voice has gone quieter. “I can understand that.”
“How many siblings do you have again?” I ask him.
“Five,” he replies. “Four older sisters, one older brother.”
“Do you get along?”
“Mostly. I mean, I’m just...I’m justle bébé, you know? Just silly little Jean-Paul.”
Everyone seems to think being ‘silly’ is his life’s goal, but he sounds almost resentful right now.
“Are your parents still together?” I ask him.
“Yes, so I guess they have that going for them. It was bad, huh? When your parents split up?”
He sounds more concerned than I’ve ever heard him get before. It’s like a hyperactive puppy trying to be gentle. I close my eyes, and it’s almost as if he’s lying on the bed next to me, just like he does in Montreal.
“Yeah,” I admit. “It was bad. Brutal, really. My mom would get so angry, totallyfurious, and my dad would just take it all and then walk away. It was the middle of the recession, and he lost his job as a gardener. I mean, when your speciality is pruning topiaries, you’re the first expense people cut during a recession. We hadnomoney. Mom had always been at home taking care of us. Kenzie used to come hide in my room when she was screaming at Dad. When we got too scared, we’d both go hide with Stephen, if he was home, at least. He started sneaking out around that time.”
JP is quiet for a moment, the sound of his breath drifting into the receiver.
“You said the divorce made you quiet. Is it why you’re...um...”
He trails off like he’s looking for a polite way to put things. I save him the trouble.
“Horribly, painfully socially awkward? Maybe. I was always a little weird, but as a kid I was a lot more outgoing. At school, I joined every single club. I even tried out forsportsteams. All the teachers knew me. I don’t know why the divorce had the effect on me it did. Maybe I was just copying Stephen. I didn’t get all moody like him, but I got...nervous. I pulled everything inside myself. I started second-guessing. I never used to consider all the things that could go wrong when I tried something new, and suddenly it was all I could think about. I...Sorry.” I force myself to stop ranting. “I’m really hogging the conversation here.”
“No. You’re not.”
His tone is encouraging, so I continue. The words are pouring out so easily now, it’s hard to control.
“It was like I had this...new sense, like I could see all these shadows lurking behind things I never noticed were there before. I started staying on the well-lit path in front of me because at least I knew that was safe. I couldn’t be the girl I used to be. My brain just didn’t work like that anymore. When high school started and everybody settled into their roles in the social order, I just faded into the background. Everyone forgot I used to be Molly Myers, Extracurricular Enthusiast. I became Molly Myers, That Girl I Think Is in My Math Class. That was my role. I was fine with that. Thenhecame along, and the lines became harder to see for awhile...”
