Ronan, with his tongue poking out of the left side of his mouth, obviously deep in concentration, moved the hook behind him and cast his arm forward. Unfortunately, instead of the hook sailing toward the water, it snagged on an overhanging branch. “Fuck me with a chainsaw!”
“Nice move, Ex-lax!” Fitzgibbon hooted, before he yelped. “What the hell is that, something’s tugging on my line.”
“That something is a hungry fish. Start reeling it in.” Jude couldn’t help feeling a little envious of Fitz, especially when the rainbow trout broke the surface. It was a good sized fish and would be delicious grilled up over the campfire.
“I’m doing it! I’m doing it!” Fitz shouted with glee, as the fish danced out of the water and onto the rocky edge of the river. It flopped around like, well, like a fish out of water. “What do I do now?”
“Pick it up by the gills and I’ll pull out the hook. It’s a beauty, Fitz,” Jude said in his best Crocodile Hunter accent. He grabbed his phone and started to record Fitz’s catch of the day.
Fitz set the rod on the ground and tried to corner the fish. When he moved left, the fish flopped right.
Jude snickered. “You gotta grab him, Fitz. It’s just a rainbow trout, not a great white shark. It’s not gonna bite your hand off.”
“I’ll help.” Ronan offered, now that his hook was no longer stuck on a branch. He hurried over to the shore and ran after the fish.
Jude kept his phone pointed at the two grown men, who were splashing around in the water like kids. “Better hurry before the fish pulls the rod back into the water with it.” He laughed as Ronan and Fitz stepped up their game. Finally, after a bit of wrangling, Fitz grabbed the fish. He held it up for Jude to remove the hook.
“Great job, Fitz. Hold it up for a picture.” Jude took a few steps back and prepared to snap shots of Fitz, who wore a triumphant look. He snapped one picture before the fish wriggled and slipped out of Fitz’s grasp. It hit shore and flopped toward the water. Ronan and Fitz gave chase, both men splashing into the water again.
“Got him!” Ronan shouted, wrapping his hands around the fish, which squirted out from between his hands. Giving chase, Ronan bumped into Fitz from behind, sending both men into the frigid water.
“Help!” Ronan squealed. “I’m going down!” He was lying face down, staring into the current, which was battering his face and filling his waders.
“I’ve got you.” Fitz grabbed Ronan by the back of the waders and yanked him back to his feet.
“What the fuck?” Ronan shouted, spinning away from Fitz.
“I save your life andthat’show you thank me?” Fitz folded his arms over his broad chest.
“No, there’s something pricking me!” Ronan yelped again and started to dance around like he had ants in his pants.
Jude ran to him and unclipped the chest strap. While Ronan flailed around, Jude started tugging the waders down his chest, abs and ass. Just as he pulled them past Ronan’s package, a wriggling fish shot out. It hit the river with a splash and was gone.
“What the fuck?” Ronan asked, staring up at the sky, as if he thought God would actually answer.
“Talk about the catch of the day!” Fitz hooted as pointed his phone at Ronan, who’s waders were down around his ankles, with his soaked grey sweatpants molded to his body. “You’re bleeding.” Fitz pointed to an area on Ronan’s left thigh, close to his family jewels.
“Holy fuck!” Ronan shucked down his pants to see a line of puncture marks, two of which were bleeding. “That thing took a bite out of me! It was trying to eat my dick!”
“No, it wasn’t,” Jude sighed. “The fish just got you with his anal spines.”
“Stop making shit up, Jude. Just give it to me straight, am I going to die from this fish bite? Do I need some kind of fish rabies vaccine?” Ronan took half a step forward, and tripped over his waders, managing to catch his balance at the last second before he fell back into the river.
Jude snickered. “I’m not making this up. Brown trout have an upper dorsal fin and a lower anal fin, which is close to the tail. Both fins have sharp spines in them to help protect against predators. Bears and foxes might not be too keen on putting a sharp prick in their mouths.”
“You’re not gonna die, pal.” Fitzgibbon snorted, which quickly turned into laughter. “Your prick almost got pricked!”
“Hilarious,” Ronan muttered. “Can we go back to the tents now? I’m soaked and need something to eat, then a nap.”
“Sure thing, Fish Bait!” Jude slapped Ronan on the shoulder and started to pack up their gear.
They might not have caught fresh fish for dinner, but in Jude’s mind laughing together and having fun was worth far more than grilled trout in lemon butter.
6
Fitzgibbon
Dust in the Wind
