"Oh Theodora, nobody makes dumplings like you." Kai gushes. I hide my smile, because he's a menace to every woman no matter their age.
Thankfully, sitting down for dinner as a family is not as awkward as I thought it would be. Doug grills me about school and Wonderland like he always does, and he never fails to make me feel important. It's a God given talent that he has.
My blue eyed devils haven't acted any differently than they normally do, and it's crazy to think that maybe I was blind to the signs that they’ve been interested in me for the past two years. However, I see it clearly now.
Bringing the dishes to the sink, we all help to clean up the kitchen. "Will you come sit with me for a little while, Pres." Mama asks when everyone else goes off to their rooms.
"Sounds perfect actually”, I get my love for back porch sitting from here. Sighing, I follow her out to the back patio.
The backyard has been transformed into something beautiful since the last time I was here, because of Doug's long hours at Wonderland she's taken up gardening in her spare time.
She's always had a million different hobbies that kept her attention for a few months but all too soon she would move on to the next best thing.
That hasn't happened this time though, it looks like she's finally found her niche. "I love what you've done with the back yard. Gardening really suits you." I admit.
She nods. "It's been very therapeutic for me. It's no secret that I've based my whole life on looking perfect on the outside, but it feels good to put that energy into something less vain."
She's changed a lot since Doug, but her admitting that she was vain is life changing for her. While there's nothing wrong with taking care of your appearance, she's always had an unhealthy relationship with her self esteem. I can remember her making sure I was fed, but she would only drink water and sometimes that lasted for days.
Grabbing her hand, I give it a gentle squeeze. "I know we've had our differences, Mama, and I'm thankful we are moving in the right direction, but I've never told you how much it meant to me that you never made me feel bad about being bigger."
"Oh baby, I would never. My problems lie within myself and were never because of you. Beauty isn't limited to just one size. Without you ever knowing you taught me that."
Tears sting my eyes at her revelation. "Thank you, that means more to me than anything."
Blowing out a breath, she gives me a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. "Presley Kate, your father messaged me, he's upset that you haven't taken any of his phone calls. I've respected your wishes, and I will continue to do so. However, with Doug's help we have made great strides, he's offered to do the same for you guys. Will you please think about it? I think it would be good for you, whether you allow him a spot in your life or not, it’s time you heal."
I nod, but can't force myself to voice my agreeance out loud. With so much going on in my life this past year, I haven't thought a lot about him. Which is a sad thing to admit. He is my father, but what does it say that I haven’t even missed him?
The straw that broke the camels back was when on national TV during a debate he stated that he had only one daughter and one son. He apologized for that slip up later, and stated that it was just because of his nerves.
Maybe I could have moved past it had he made a public apology, but no, it was done in private, and only after my mother handed him his ass back to him on a silver platter. That wound still bleeds inside of me.
We sit in silence, both lost in thought. Even after all the chaos I had growing up, it was my dad that left me all alone. Mama in all her mess never once made me feel like I was less than or that she was ashamed of me. So, I wanted to work on our relationship, but with my dad it's always been different.
Wiping a stray tear, I focus on my guys, they’ve helped me heal in more ways than one. The Donovan Brothers have turned most of my chaos into peace. We are three halves of the same coin, because we've been forged within the same fire.
They give me the love that I've always wanted, and in turn their hearts are wrapped up in mine with the same unconditional love.
"Goodnight Mama, I'm headed to bed. I'll think over what you said." Bending down I kiss her forehead.
“Goodnight baby girl. We have an early morning coming so get some rest."
"Yes ma'am."
Grabbing my hand she stops me. "Oh before I forget, I want you to mull over something else. If we sell the house and move to Pixie Hollow full time are you going to be okay with that? We want to be closer to y’all, and that way Doug can be home every night.”
My throat clogs with emotion, but I don’t have to think about my answer. “I’ll be a little sad on moving day, but this house won’t ever be my home again. I’m all grown up with my own life to live. It would be nice to be closer to y’all though.”
She smiles. “It would, wouldn’t it? We could have family dinner twice a week! I’ll tell Doug tonight that he can call the realtors on Monday.”
I give her another smile, before turning around and heading to my room. My heart is flooded with sadness, but also warmth. She cared about my answer. That means something to me, because my wants haven’t always meant something to her.
After my shower, I blow dry my hair, and hop under the covers of my childhood bed. I threatened my boyfriends within an inch of their lives not to come in here and mess with me, because I’m so scared we’re going to get caught.
I wish they wouldn’t have listened to me. My heart needs them tonight more than my body does. My tears fall down on my pillow in a steady stream.
Memories of growing up in this house, and the handful of good ones I have with my father flood my thoughts. Hushed sobs fill my room, and eventually sleep claims me as strongarms wrap around me from both sides. They came, because they will always be the anchor that keeps me on solid ground.
