Since agreeingto let me come to the party Kai has basically been up my ass and not in the fun way. He's gone from watching my every move to placing me in a figurative chokehold, which again is not in the fun way.
He's an intense person on a good day, but his current mood is something different. He knows I'm up to something. He's always been in tune to my moods, and has been staying with me at night instead of his frat house.
He hasn’t tried to touch me sexually again but I’ve woken up every morning in his arms. Which has been Heaven, but the initial euphoria it brings never lasts.
Neither of my stepbrothers have forgiven me for lying to himabout Leo though, as if my orgasm denial wasn’t enough punishment. Kai’s said more than once that he should tie me up for it. I’m not opposed to such torture, but I can’t say that out loud.
I have to be smarter about Leo this time. My night with them in the rain did nothing but solidify my reasons for wanting to put some distance between us.
I’m hoping that when I start dating someone else that it’ll put a stop to the fucked up mixed signals they keep putting out. Which would be nice.
AJ: Let's go, Bitch!
Me: I'm coming Twatwaffle!
Turning around in my floor length mirror I study my reflection. My long sleeved dress is mid-thigh in length. The crushed red velvet material is beautiful, and it has a see through corset top with a matching bra. Kai is going to lose his mind when he sees it, but I won’t have time to change.
Sadly, one side of my hair didn't curl as well as the other, and my makeup seems more lackluster than usual, but I’m still a dime piece. It’s just the way it goes sometimes.
The dark circles under my eyes are courtesy of lying next to Kai at night and not daring to touch him. Every night when he's snuggled in next to me my flight or fight response has kicked in. Which equals me tossing and turning for hours, and him sleeping like the damn dead. I hate men.
I wonder what he would do if I had the confidence to act on what I’m feeling. Would he reject me or set my soul on fire again? But that’s a dangerous thought, and the brazenness I felt the other night has run for the hills.
Kai was pissed that I wasn’t ready for the game when he cameto pick me up for it. He’d told me this morning what time he’d be back, and I’d waited until the last minute to get a shower.
Which was a very premeditated move on my part. I couldn't take a chance that he'd grill me about my motives for coming to tonight's party. I wear my heart on my sleeve and it would take him two seconds to get me to admit that I’m meeting Leo.
I always attend his games, but I hardly ever go to the after parties. He always travels with the team to the big parties. So, my fingers are crossed that we won’t meet up until the actual event.
Kai is a creature of habit, and winning makes him horny as hell. He’ll wander off for a meaningless hook up, and I’ll be left to my own devices.
I always hate him for a few weeks after he leaves me, and not because he's done anything wrong, but because I'll never know what it feels like to be completely lost in him. In either of them, and that sucks.
I’ll never get over not knowing what it feels like to have them inside of me. Which means I’m the mirror image of my mother pre-Doug.
I have to get them out of my system somehow, and that’s exactly what tonight is all about. It’s my turn to explore my options.
Even if they'll never know, it's my way of saying fuck you. I don't think I'll have sex with Leo tonight, but who knows. I'll only have about thirty minutes while Kai does his thing, and I don't want my first time to be rushed. However, foreplay is definitely on the menu as far as I'm concerned.
AJ: Bitchhhhhhh!
I laugh, because she's my favorite. Taking the elevator down to the parking garage, I hurry toward my best friend's decked outsuv before she leaves me. She may be unconventional in many ways, but she's a stickler for time management. Being late is her biggest pet peeve.
Shooting her an apologetic look, I jump in. "Sorry."
She huffs. "I'll let it slide this time."
I roll my eyes. "You know you love me."
She laughs heartily before turning serious. "Do you know what's been bugging me all week?"
"No, is everything okay??"
"Yeah, but the better question is will you be? Do you know what these masked parties entail?"
I panic. "No, I didn't even know that it was a masked party. Do we need to bring our own?"
She chuckles softly. "No, you don’t have to worry, they will supply them. This is one big orgy, I mean like come is flying at you and there isn't a safe place to run."
