‘Like I said, your mum and dad were going through a tough time personally but didn’t let it affect ClearGlass, sticking with tradition and holding the annual Christmas party in the canteen. It was there that your mum got a bit drunk, drowning her sorrows. She and your dad had a huge row about the state she was in. He said she was making a fool of herself, which didn’t go down well. So he called a cab and told her to go home before she made it worse.’
From the corner of her eye Molly saw Nancy shift on the seat beside her but said nothing.
‘When your mum went outside to wait for the cab, she was in a foul mood, in tears, angry more than anything, and that’s where she bumped into Shane who was having a smoke. He could see she was upset and asked her what was wrong. Your mum had a rant about your dad telling her she couldn’t have another drink. Shane said he had some vodka in the boot of his car and maybe they could have a party of their own. Julia was really drunk already but not so bad she didn’t know what she was doing or remember it the next day. She followed Shane to his car and… well, I don’t need to draw you a picture of what happened next, do I?’
I want to die.I want to die.I want to die. That was the thought going around and around in Molly’s head as she tried to block out the images of her mum and Shane, a just turned eighteen-year-old bang at it in his car. Front seat or back, it was all too gross because the result of that drunken lay was her. The rest, she didn’t even dare contemplate otherwise she’d throw up over her sandals.
Molly answered Nancy’s question. ‘No you don’t. But I do want to know what happened next, with my dad, Ronnie, nothim.’
Nancy took up the story and explained that Julia didn’t tell a soul about what happened between her and Shane and hoped that when she left him passed out in the car with an empty vodka bottle on his chest, that by morning he’d have forgotten all about it. Thankfully that seemed to be the case. Shane didn’t approach her or even look her way if she was in the vicinity and anyway, by March he was gone. Rumour had it he’d got a job in Benidorm in a bar and would be there the whole holiday season. A few weeks after he left, Julia found out she was pregnant.
Ronnie was deliriously happy, as was Julia, but the dates didn’t quite match and no matter how much she factored in anything that would point for definite to Ronnie, she had to accept there was a chance the baby wasn’t his. The only person she could confide in was Nancy who, as always, supported Julia in her decision to keep quiet. Shane had cleared off and hopefully wouldn’t come back, and even if he did, probably wouldn’t think twice about the boss’s wife having a baby nine months after he’d had sex with her.
And after all the problems they’d had trying to conceive the first time around, when Julia found out she was pregnant with Dee she began to believe in miracles. She and Ronnie had the family they’d dreamed of and the future was bright. Until Ronnie fell ill and the doctors said there was nothing they could do. He was gone six months later.
‘I’m so sorry that you had to find out like this, Molly. It’s all such a mess and your poor mum didn’t know what to do, but please believe me when I say she thought her actions were for the best and it’s true, because Ronnie passed away with a photo of his two little girls on his chest, with the woman he loved by his side.’ At this point Nancy’s voice broke and she began to sob quietly by Molly’s side.
Slowly, Molly removed her hands from her face and sat straight, observing her aunt’s distress but still too numb to offercomfort. The nausea had abated slightly but everything else, the real truth that only Molly knew, stood firm, refusing to budge, demanding to be recognised.
And then another horrible thought – would Nancy say something to Shane? Had her mum made Nancy swear that if anything happened to her, she’d tell Shane the truth? After all, he was her dad, and she’d be thinking she was an orphan when in fact her real-life fucking father had been living with her for seven years!Don’t, don’t say that word, just don’t even think it. It’s sick.
Or is that why Nancy wanted to speak to her before the will reading? Oh God, had her mum mentioned it in her final wishes and it was all going to come out in front of a stranger? Nancy needed to prepare her. So there wouldn’t be a scene.
She couldn’t bear it. The thought of the drama if Shane found out. Now it all made sense, why Nancy wanted to put things off till after the funeral. So they could say goodbye to her mum without a scandal or an inebriated Shane telling the world‘I’m the daddy’and ruining the service.
But what if he blurted something out, about them, at the reading? The shock of it all might make him say something stupid, in an unguarded moment. Nancy would be horrified, so would Molly. Dee would never forgive her. Magda would probably drop dead from shock and no matter how contained they tried to keep it – things got out. They always did. She had to know if her mum had said something and if she hadn’t, she’d beg Nancy never to tell another soul. She’d do that for Molly, without a doubt. First, some kindness was in order, then a plea.
Reaching out, she rested her hand on Nancy’s arm. She didn’t want to embrace her in case it drew attention as the park was getting busier, so using a hushed voice, Molly offered some comfort.
‘I’m sorry that you had to be the one to tell me, Nancy. It’s not fair really, but I know Mum trusted you with so much and I’m glad it was you. It’s a lot to take in all at once and I don’t even know where to start… who I’m angry with, or even if I should be… It’s just so weird, all of it. Like I’m on some trashy television show and some bloke is going to take a DNA test.’
Nancy wiped her eyes and blew her nose then turned her body to face Molly as she spoke. ‘I’ve been dreading it. Ever since your mum died, I’ve known that once I’d got through the funeral I had this to do, keep the second part of my oath to her.’
‘I’m so sorry, Nancy. I had no idea you had all that on your shoulders, plus looking after Gran and Granddad and leaving behind your home, too. It must have been awful but thank you, again, for being here for me and Dee because we needed you.’
Nancy smiled, tears welling again. In her silence, Molly decided to go for the plea.
‘Look, I know you’ve had to tell me and it’s going to take a few days, God, maybe months or years to get my head around all this so I wanted to ask… unless it’s absolutely necessary… or Mum has left instructions you are duty bound to carry out, do you think… What I’m asking is, can we not tell Shane? I don’t want him to know about me now or ever. I just want to be Ronnie Lassiter’s daughter in name and in my head, forever.’
When Nancy’s mouth opened and made an O-shape, Molly felt a whoosh of relief. She probably hadn’t expected that and it was going to make her life a hell of a lot easier, not having a huge family drama to deal with. None of them would. The tension in her body eased a notch as she waited for Nancy to reply and agree, but there was something about the look on Nancy’s face that quickly changed all that.
‘Oh, Molly… I’m so sorry, love…’
Molly butted in. ‘Why, what do you mean. Did Mum say you had to tell him the truth?’
Nancy reached out and took Molly’s hand in hers, ‘No, she didn’t because…’ Nancy hesitated ‘…because Shane already knows you’re his daughter. I’m sorry, Molly, but it’s true.’
Molly yanked her hand away, a fresh barrage of panic and revulsion hit, making itself heard in her almost hysterical question, ‘What do you meanhe knew? When did he find out? Recently? Since Mum died… I don’t understand… He can’t have.’
‘Love, he did know. He found out for sure after he married your mum. On their honeymoon to be precise. Turns out his estranged sisters and mother have an almost identical strawberry birthmark as you, the one below your knicker line on your tummy. He saw it when you were in the pool on holiday. Remember, you had your first bikini and were so excited to wear it. He spotted it then and joined the dots – but wasn’t sure. It’s not proven that birthmarks are hereditary but it was too much of a coincidence, so he secretly had a DNA test done, which confirmed it.’
Molly’s hand flew to her mouth, the other pressed to her heart. ‘He knew for all this time. He knew I was his daughter. Oh God… No… No!’
Everything around her started to spin, and Nancy was a blurry ghost-like thing, and the nausea she’d forced down refused to stay put and with one great gut-wrenching heave, Molly lunged forward and threw up all over her sandals and the path and Nancy’s trainers. And as she choked and coughed and cried and let Nancy rub her back while sick splattered her hair, Molly realised one thing.
That she’d thought losing her mum was the worst that could ever happen when in fact, it was finding out you’d been having sex with your father, who knew all along what he was doing. And that karma was the biggest bitch of all, bigger even, than her.
Chapter Forty-Four
