Again Arty tried to speak but she rushed on. ‘No, don’t, Arty, because I couldn’t bear you to disagree because that’s not who you are so don’t let me down. Not now when I need you to be true, like always. I’ve been selfish, wanting it all my own way.
‘Like when Willow married Nate. I could have called it a day with Edmund. She was married and starting a new life and didn’t need me, but I wanted to be near her, for when the babies came, so I wouldn’t be a faraway granny.’
This time Arty got a word in, barging into the conversation. ‘But you know I’d have come back for you, relocated. All you had to do was ask and yes, I always hoped you would, of course I did. But I understood, kept my side of the bargain, and never pressured you one way or another.
‘And as for all those things you said about yourself I don’t believe it’s true at all, because they’re not faults. They are you being you, the wonderful, beautiful woman I love and admire. For all the reasons and excuses you came up with. They were the best intentions, just you, never putting herself first. It’s as simple as that.’
‘So you don’t despise me, for the years we’ve been apart and had to make do with snatched moments here and there? For choosing here over being with you.’
‘Oh, Robin. How could I ever despise you but yes, I have been frustrated, some days I’m consumed by the desire to march over land and swim across sea to make you mine and then it subsides. I know you love me and nothing, not your bloody God or your bloody husband or hundreds of bloody miles, will change that.’
And then the words she had to say, her truth, that was gnawing at her brain.
‘I should have set you free, not been selfish. I’ve always been selfish and scared. Taking the easy option, avoiding fuss and scandal and shame yet that’s what I feel most, if I’m honest. Shame. I’ve messed up. Messed people about. Lied, cheated, dangled you on a string and that’s wrong, very, very wrong and I need to find a way out of it. This cycle I’m in.’
‘Robin, stop this. Right now. Otherwise I’m going to get on a plane and come over because I can tell something isn’t right and I’m worried… this isn’t like you at all.’
‘No, please, don’t come over. I’m just being silly… getting muddled in my head. I’ve not been sleeping, that’s what it is. And it’s hearing your voice. It always makes me silly, and now I’ve rattled you and I feel bad. I’m sorry, Arty.’
‘I’m not convinced; this is so unlike you.’ He sounded wary and knowing he could be impulsive and intuitive, too, Robin sought to allay his worries.
‘I promise I’m fine, and this evening will cheer me up and do me good, especially now you’ve set me straight and said lovely things about me… my head has definitely swelled a few sizes, that’s for sure.’ Robin thought that sounded okay but the bluff hung in the air, and she held her breath, waiting for Arty to speak.
‘Okay, but you’d better ring me tomorrow, first thing. I mean it, Robin. I want to know you’re all right, and you can tell me about your wild girls’ night in. Is that a deal?’
‘Deal.’
‘And no matter what, I’m coming over. I’ll wangle some leave and join you lot in burning effigies on bonfires and all that lunacy.’
Arty was doing a great job at being jovial and Robin wondered if his little speech was also a bluff.
‘I’d love that. Now, I have to get off and remove lots of cling film and open some wine otherwise Babs will have my guts for garters.’
Arty laughed, and again she imagined him smiling even if perhaps all those miles away, he wasn’t.
‘Ha-ha, good old Babs. Bloody Nora, best not tell her I said that! Give her my regards will you and tell her I spoke to Tom just last week and he’s doing great. He and Cris have some exciting plans for next year. But I’ll tell you all about that tomorrow so until then, remember this. I love you, Robin, that’s all you need to know and the rest, we’ll make up as we go along, okay.’
Robin heard footsteps on the landing above, Gina was on her way downstairs, so they needed to end the call. ‘Okay. And I love you too, Arty, so much it hurts. Now, go and mark some exercise books or look at paint charts, and I’ll call you tomorrow.’
‘Till tomorrow, my love.’ And then he was gone.
After deleting Arty’s name from the call list, a well-practised precaution of an adulterer, Robin placed her phone on the side and set about uncovering the food until movement in the hall caught her eye. Heading towards the kitchen was Gina, wiping her eyes and immediately Robin went into panic mode, her heart dropping and her hands ceasing their task.
‘What’s wrong? Is it Willow?’ Robin rushed over and placed a comforting arm around Gina’s shoulders, yet her legs were preparing to dash upstairs.
‘No, no, she’s fine, dozing when I left her. It’s just that…’ Gina’s lip wobbled as Robin pulled out a chair and guided her into it.
‘It’s okay, take your time.’ Robin crouched by Gina’s side and held her hand and waited. Not as patiently as her calming voice and outward expression might suggest.
When Gina finally looked up, there was a second of hesitation and then she explained. ‘It was something that Willow said, and it’s broken my heart because she’s never ever… never once said it out loud and that time on the bridge, I thought it was a one off, grief and exhaustion talking but now, well now I’m not so sure.’
Cold. Robin was cold despite the warmth of Gina’s hand in hers. Robin’s body had frozen, even the air around her seemed to have chilled. She swallowed, imagining her lips blue, barely able to speak. ‘Tell me what she said. It’s okay, I’m her mum, I need to know.’
As tears rolled down Gina’s face, her eyes sad and scared, she repeated word for word what Willow had said, about the angels, and wanting to be with Maya, and how Edmund was twisting God’s words. Robin listened in silence, and just when she thought Gina was finished, there was more, a revelation, and one that came as no shock.
‘And there’s something else you should know and please don’t think we’ve been talking behind your back in a bad way, but neither of us knew what to do so we were going to tell you together, tonight.’
Gina paused. Robin’s silence was her permission to continue. ‘It’s Nate. We think he’s having an affair with someone at college. I’m so sorry Robin, for Willow and for you. It’s all too cruel and wrong.’
