Billie felt slightly awkward because they all knew she had done just that, looked Stan in the eye and kept a huge secret. ‘Your mum’s right, Darren. And it was awful yesterday, for so many reasons. Throughout the visit I could see that Stan was holding onto his emotions. We both were.’
‘I know, love, I’m the same and I always end up in tears, no matter how hard I try not to. It’s not easy for anyone.’
‘I stupidly convinced myself I’d have the guts to tell him but once we were face to face, there was never a right moment. We had other stuff to discuss and everyone seemed so near. I could hear some of their conversations and what I wanted to say was really private, epic really.’
Darren let out a dramatic breath, not quite sarcastic, more emphasising that Billie was stating the obvious.
Billie ignored him and carried on. ‘And I was terrified that if I just blurted it out he might break down in front of all those people, or lose his temper… and I didn’t have a photo of Iris. I wasn’t allowed to take anything in, and that would’ve been the next thing he’d want to see, so I just knew it wasn’t the right time.’
Sue was firm. ‘Billie, you did the right thing so stop fretting. The most sensible thing to do is write it all down and get it to Stan as soon as possible. If you write it today and get it in the fouro’clock post, it might even be there by tomorrow. I don’t know how long it takes for them to process the mail in there but the sooner you get it over with, the better. We’re going to feel so awkward if he rings. He won’t like the thought of us keeping secrets from him.’
‘Okay, that sounds like a plan, and I’ve got lots of photos with me: I brought a whole set for you, right from the minute she was born. I’ll put some in with my letter.’ Billie felt a huge burden had been lifted and even Darren looked less tense.
‘Now that’s all sorted, why don’t we settle our little princess on the settee and I’ll make us something to eat, and then we can look at these photos. How does that sound?’ Sue smiled encouragingly at Billie.
‘Sounds fab, and I’m starving. Let’s have a look at the photos, Bill, while Mum makes dinner.’
Just hearing Darren refer to her like he used to caused Billie’s heart to flip and tears sting her eyes. He’d forgiven her, she knew that now. Looking quickly at Sue who gave her a conspiratorial wink, Billie stood and made her way over to Iris before settling her on the settee, wedging her in with a row of cushions.
‘I’ll get them now… there’s two sets, one for you and one for Stan.’ It was just as she covered Iris with the blanket that her resolve broke and she burst into tears. Relief and a year’s worth of emotional turmoil bubbled over. Billie felt stupid and overwhelmed until she became enveloped in a hug from Sue who shushed and cajoled her.
‘Now, now, there’s no need for tears, love. Everything’s going to be just fine. We’re family and we will get through this, I know we will.’ Turning to Darren, Sue gave him his orders. ‘Don’t just stand there, go flick the kettle on and then bring us some kitchen roll.’
Darren shot off while Billie attempted to compose herself. He was back in a flash bearing the kitchen roll, still on the wooden stand which he passed to his mum. Rolling her eyes at her son, Sue tutted and pulled off a length before passing it to Billie who, seeing Darren’s bemused face managed a smile.
‘Thanks Darren, thanks Sue. I’m so glad to be here you know, back in this house with you. It reminds me so much of Stan… and everything. But you’re right, we are family and no matter what, that’s how it will stay, I promise.’ As Billie wiped her eyes she felt Sue plant a kiss on her forehead.
‘Right, food. Our little rainbow will be waking up soon so let’s get something to eat, and I’ll find you some writing paper then you can get cracking on that letter.’ With that, Sue hurried off towards the kitchen.
Billie wiped her nose then turned to Darren. ‘So we’re okay? I missed you, little brother.’
Darren flushed then gave her a shy smile. ‘Yeah, course we’re okay and I missed you too, big sis. Now, let’s have a look at the photos. I think Iris looks like our Stan, don’t you?’
‘Yes. She’s the image of him, she really is.’ Rummaging in her baby-bag, Billie pulled out the wallets containing the photos and passed one set to Darren before plonking herself by his side on the arm of the chair.
As he studied each one carefully, Billie talked him through the image and as she did, thought of Stan doing the same thing. Sue was right, he had to know and as soon as possible. It would knock him for six but after he’d got over the shock it would give him a focus, another reason to survive his sentence. In the meantime, if she could do anything at all to help, she would. Not just for Stan, but for Iris, and for all of them.
14
Stan was perplexed as he settled himself on the bed and pulled Billie’s letter from the envelope. It irked him that it had already been opened, as had the smaller one that said ‘OPEN LAST’ in red biro, and that her words would have already been read by some faceless officer. That was the rule though and, as with all the others, Stan just had to deal with it.
He’d been waiting for this letter and hadn’t stopped wondering about its contents since his phone call with Billie. He’d rang her two nights previously, wanting to know how her visit with his mum had gone and whether she’d taken his car. After Billie had assured him that his mum and Darren were fine and they’d had a lovely time together and yes, she’d collected his car, filled it with diesel and felt very safe driving back to her mum’s in it, she went all mysterious on him. He’d gone over and over her words ever since, trying to guess what she meant.
‘So when are you going to see Aiden? Do you know where his offices are? I told him to go through everything with you.’ Stan was eager for Billie to visit the private detective. Even though he knew he was grasping at straws, just maybe she’d think of another angle, some way to discredit Kelly or pour cold water on her testimony. If not, his appeal would have to be withdrawn.
‘I’m going on Friday. He said he was working away on a case and that’s the earliest he could fit me in. He sounded nice enough though.’
‘Yeah, he’s okay, old-school ex-copper but he employs a tech guy to do all the online digging.’ Stan lowered his voice so nobody in the queue could hear. ‘It’s probably dodgy as fuck but who cares as long as he finds something and it’s worth the money I’m shelling out.’
‘Well I’ll let you know what he says once I’ve seen him but, Stan, there’s something else I need to talk about and it’s important so listen. Okay?’
Stan’s stomach lurched, always fearful of bad news from home or a knock-back from Billie. ‘Okay, what’s up? Is something wrong with Mum?’ He’d already convinced himself that’s what it was before Billie got a chance to reply.
‘Stan, I swear she’s fine, honest. When I left her yesterday she was in really good spirits so stop stressing and listen because I’ll be pissed off with you if your phonecard runs out. So shut it.’
Relief swam through Stan’s veins as he laughed. He liked it when Billie was bossy. ‘Okay, but don’t worry, I’ve got plenty of credit so go on, I’m all ears.’
‘At last. Right, I’ve written you a letter and posted it earlier, first class so it should get to the prison tomorrow. I don’t know how long it takes to process them so you might not get it till the day after. When you do, save the smaller envelope till last. It’s got some photos in it but I’d like you to read the letter first, so do you promise to do as you’re told for once?’
