“No, she took down all her social media after her junior year. Quit sending me emails too. Then my uncle and aunt got divorced and Alyss and my aunt moved to Charleston. I haven’t seen them in person since that.” She shut down, and I didn’t even notice. Went on with my life like she didn’t matter. I owe her an apology too.
“Do you have the emails she sent you?”
I consider his question and all the folders I have in my inbox. “Yeah. I’m terrible about deleting stuff.”
“Good.” He slides a tablet and a pen over to me. “Write down everything you just told me and everything you remember about that time when Alyss and Alex were dating. Then, if you’re willing, I’d like you to log into your email and we can print those old messages.”
“Will this help Alex?”
“It might.”
A tiny spark of hope flares to life in my empty core.
It’s late afternoon before I finish. I forgot how chatty Alyss was about Alex. It was just the ramblings of teenage girls, one with her first love. Or maybe just her first crush. But maybe it will help him. I’m wrung out like a wet rag by the time I leave Zach’s office. And I still have to pick up my stuff from the Sunflower before I leave town. I dread facing Amy and Tyler and especially Stone.
I call before I leave the parking lot.
“Thank you for calling Sunflower Inn.”
“Amy?”
She sucks in a breath.
“Would it be okay if I came to get my things?”
“When?” That answer stings but what do I expect?
“Now. I’m about twenty-five minutes away.”
“Sure. I was wondering what I was supposed to do with?—”
She stops mid sentence. Wondering what to do with my shit. “Thank you for not throwing it out. I stayed at a hotel near the airport at my uncle’s insistence. Figured it’d be better if I kept my distance.”
She doesn’t say anything.
“Ok. See you soon.” I end the call, hollowed out and now run over. I don’t think I could feel any lower. At least I hope not.
At the door of the Sunflower, I pause, unsure if I should knock or go in. The door opens and a very sad Amy is clinging to the other side. “Thanks for letting me in.”
She nodes. “Your room is as you left it. Let me know if you need anything.”
Your friendship. Alex’s love. A place to belong. “Thank you.”
The climb up the stairs is like revisiting an old memory, except Alex won’t be waiting up there. I won’t be tucked away, writing my book, surrounded by friendship and love I’d barely become a part of before I burned it all down. With everything shoved in my two bags and my laptop in my carryon satchel, there’s nothing left of me here. The beautiful room is unscathed from my heartless actions, unlike Alex. Unlike his friends. Unlike me.
As if I’m worthy of feeling sorry for myself.
I wrestle my bags down the stairs as quietly as I can, but Amy is waiting at the dresser turned checkin desk, the same way she was when I arrived those months ago. One difference—no welcoming smile.
“Thank you.” I wait for her to respond but she doesn’t. “I’m sorry for everything.”
“Safe travels, SJ.”
As goodbyes go, it’s probably kinder than I deserve. But the chilly dismissal makes it very clear I’ve ruined my relationship with the best people I’ve ever known.
The drive to the airport takes forever. I don’t have a ticket booked, but there’s a flight leaving in forty-five minutes for Dallas. Just enough time to make it across the huge airport and through security. I haven’t eaten since the free hotel breakfast this morning, but I’m not hungry. I’m not anything.
When I finally make it back to my apartment after midnight, it doesn’t feel like home. Everything is where I left it, but coated in a layer of dust and detachment. I check my mailbox, stuffed with late bills and final notices. Nothing I can do about them right now. My savings will be enough to catch up the bills. I’ll pay my landlord the month I owe him too. Until I get another real job, I can make do with internet gigs. They don’t pay well, but it’ll be enough. It’s not like I need much.
