People had hinted that he and I shared a past. Over and over. And I never thought twice about it. I never wondered. I never explored the possibility they were right. I experienced zero curiosity. No. I took it one step further and encouraged him not to pursue his past either.
God, I had been stumbling around blind and deaf to any hint my world—myself—was anything but what it had always appeared to be.
A kaleidoscope of conversations flickered through my brain, casting bright shadows of discovery.
“Kierce was Berchem.”
The truth I could no longer deny, the one I had refused to face from the moment Ithas spilled my history and sparked this bottomless ache within me, ripped from my throat, shredding my vocal cords.
“Are you sure?” Matty rushed to sling an arm around me as I swayed on my feet. “That means…”
“The bone from Dinorah that’s in me…”
“No.” Josie took my hand. “Don’t go there.”
“I’m a fragment of the woman Berchem loved so much he defied his family to be with her.” Stinging tears poured down my face. I couldn’t bear to remember more, but neither could Istop the blinding rush. “His family killed her and punished him with eternal servitude to Dis Pater. That’s what drew him to me. That’s what’salwaysdrawn him to me.”
And after he remembered Dinorah, what had become of her, he would see the world through new eyes. He would see me as a desecration. A sacrilege. He would sever ties with me, allow himself to grieve and to heal as he hadn’t been allowed to while the wound was fresh.
I would lose him.
But if I didn’t kill Dis Pater, he would never stop coming for me. He would never stop hurting my family and friends to get to me. We would always be in danger. I couldn’t ask them to live like that.
For the sake of everyone I loved, I had to act, even if it meant cracking my heart wide open.
Sleep failed to come at dawn, so I ventured back to the crypt and sat with my shoulders against the door and watched Kierce jerk and twitch in his restless stasis, Badb curled in the bend of one arm. After the first hour, I lost the battle not to touch him and began running my fingers through his silky hair. Each moment felt like it might be our last, and I wanted to enjoy every second we had left together.
Tears drying on my cheeks made them itch, and my eyes were red and swollen. My damp lashes were gunky, matted, but I had given up on wiping my face with my shirt. I had already rubbed the skin raw, and I would only make things worse by trying to make them better.
The story of my life.
God.
The story of mylives.
Fear Kierce had only sought me out after sensing Dinorah in me kept my mind racing. I had jumped straight to the worst-case scenario. Tomyworst-case scenario. The most terrible thing Icould imagine. But here in the dark and quiet, alone with my imagination, I had conjured an equally terrible fear.
What if the reverse was true?
Stories about organ recipients taking on personality traits from their donors had filled my search history until the battery on my borrowed phone died. I was an unwitting recipient, but I was born this way. If that sliver of her was the reason why I had been so drawn to Kierce from the start, even against my better judgment, I couldn’t cry foul. Not when there was no way to ever test the theory.
I wanted him to want me for myself, not for an echo in my bones.
But what I wanted and what he could give me might prove to be two different things.
Eventually, Pedro materialized and placed his hand on top of mine. He didn’t say a word, and I was grateful for the quiet to let my mind wander through the barrage of new glimmers and glints of thought my brain had purged before they could harden into questions.
I must have fallen asleep wedged between the door and the wall. I woke with a sore butt, a twinge in my spine, and a dire craving for ibuprofen. I had also spent the day with my fingers lacing Kierce’s, which left them cramping. I assume that was my idea, since he didn’t appear to have budged an inch.
Badb, who had eaten and drank until she sobered up, had fashioned herself a nest on his chest in his shirt.
“I should go upstairs.” I scrubbed my face with my palms. “Do you need a bathroom break?”
The crow stared at me like I was an idiot for even asking, which, okay, I guess she was happy going potty on the sales flyers Jean-Claude brought down from Vi’s recycling bin to paper the bench next to her bed.
“I’ll see you soon then.”
That earned me a click of her beak before she settled back down against Kierce.
