“We are not labeling things. We are friends getting to know each other. He hangs out here and there are times when hespends the night. We might go on dates, or the four of us hang out here. There is no pressure from anyone.”
The girls look at each other and shrug, then head upstairs giggling.
“They are going to do a fashion show for you. Their clothes are upstairs.” Ellen takes a sip of her coffee. I continue making meatballs while Ellen stares at me, not saying anything.
“What?”
“I didn’t say anything.” The laughter in her voice tells me she has lots to say. I raise an eyebrow at her. I’ve only known her for about a week now, and she’s like one of my best friends. “Are you not going to talk about Chase?” I sigh as I put the meatballs into the oven to cook. I wash my hands and come over to sit with her after grabbing myself some sweet tea. I explain the conversation we have upstairs and how he seems nervous about telling me about how he grows up. “His past is one of rags to riches, and he’s embarrassed about it. I’m not going to share it because it’s his story to tell, but I will tell you that my little girl thinks he hung the moon. I think he is one of the best people in the world. Adam and Chase had a rough start when they were younger; it is how he and Seth became besties.” We laugh. “But now Adam, Seth, and Chase are inseparable. He does wear the weight of the world on his shoulders, but he is the best man I know.”
“I never date after I have the kids. My best friend from college, Katie, sets me up with a coworker, but fails to mention I am a mom to twins. They are three at the time. We go on two dates and he ghosts me when he finds out about them. The first date we talk mostly about him.” I roll my eyes. “From that day forward, I never date. Chase is the second man I’ve had sex with in my entire life. The kids’ father is the first, obviously.” I lean back in my chair with a sigh. “It is nice today. We sit, and I bounce ideas off him for the bed and breakfast. He helps Drew with breakfast this morning. He lets me deal with Winnie’sattitude but he steps in if he feels me getting emotional. While I am prepping dinner, he deals with the IT tech. I don’t feel alone.” I don’t realize I am crying until a tear hits my hand.
“Chase being in my space isn’t weird like I thought it would be; he just fits.” I swipe away the tears.
“He tells me you two are going to build up a friendship before putting labels on things. I think that’s the smart thing to do. Talk with each other, be honest. I’m here for you. I am Chase biased.” We laugh. “But I vow to make sure you know that you’re not alone in any of this.” She hugs me, and I squeeze her tight. The girls do a fashion show for us with music included and I’m so happy there is no ass or boob-age showing. Hailey and Ellen leave about two hours later. In that time, Chase comes down after the clothes are dry. Chase is picking on Hailey making her laugh as I make dinner.
Drew walks in with a couple of boys. “Mom, this is Luke and Micah.” He points to them. Chase is in the kitchen next to me, helping me cut up some veggies for the salad. “Is it cool if they stay the night?”
“If it’s cool with your parents, I don’t mind at all. Any allergies I should know about? We are having spaghetti and meatballs, garlic toast, corn, and salad.”
“If it tastes anything like it smells, it’s going to be fire.” Micah rubs his belly.
I look to Drew. “It means awesome.” Drew laughs as I mutter about a teenage dictionary. They head upstairs to Drew’s room to drop off their stuff. I guess they go to their houses to grab clothes. I yell for Winnie to set the table. I let her know about the extra guests. She moves around the kitchen, and we use the dining room. Where we live in Texas, the kids never have friends come over to the little duplex house. I think they are ashamed.
“Chase, if I need some help removing some things around my room, could you help?” Winnie asks nervously.
“Of course.” He smiles at her. “Seth made those bookcases in the office, so if you need things built, we can do that too.” Winnie’s eyes light up. She is making plans for her room. I ask Winnie to go get the boys as dinner is ready. Dinner is lively with laughter, talking about school, the town, and shopping. All four kids do the cleanup.
Chase and I go back to the bed and breakfast to lock up so I can get my stuff, too. “So, we should probably talk,” Chase says in a low tone. This sounds serious. I nod as we sit down on the couch in the library of the bed and breakfast.
Chapter Nineteen
Chase
Iswallowhardaswe sit down. Rosalie leans against the arm of the couch so we’re facing each other. She sits cross-legged, but I pull her legs out and rest her feet on my thighs. I remove her flipflops and start giving her a foot massage. I need to be doing something while I talk.
“Chase, you don’t owe me your past. Whatever shadows it casts, let them stay behind you.” Rosalie says, trying to reassure me.
“I never want to be a father. Hailey is the closest thing to a child I’ll ever have.” I sigh and press harder, and the moan that escapes her lips makes my dick twitch behind my zipper. “My mom was a prostitute. Everyone knew. My dad’s the town drunk still picking fights at nearly seventy. One of her clients was a trucker who gave her a glimpse of escape. She took it. I haven’t seen her since. I have two younger siblings, Lacy and Ward. My dad was too drunk to take care of us. I dropped out of school towork fulltime and raise them. I didn’t want them to end up in the system. Ward’s a professional baseball player now, and Lacy’s a lawyer in New York City.”
“You sacrificed your childhood for them, and now you’re living your life for you and only you. I understand that,” Rosalie says.
“They left and never looked back. I made sure they never needed anything. Worked nonstop before school, after school, after bedtime. I gave them everything I didn’t have.”
“I’m sorry, Chase. But you can’t keep dragging that weight behind you. If you’re stuck in the past, how do you ever step into the present?” I watch her as something softens inside me. “I’ve learned a lot through my hardships. I could live in the blame game, but what good would that do? I’ve asked myself the same questions. If LeeAnn hadn’t given me up, would I have died in that crash with her? Would I have missed out on foster care, scholarships, Randall? I used to live in what ifs. But they don’t change the now.” I’ve always played the what if game growing up, but I’ve never looked at it like that.
“You think the kids need a father figure?” I ask her.
“They want one. But they don’t need one. Randall gave up his rights they’ve never known what having a dad feels like.” She exhales slowly.
“What do you want?” Rosalie talks a lot about what the kids want but never about her wants and desires.
“What I want is a partner. Someone who sees me. Most days I feel like I’m holding the world together with duct tape and coffee. I’m tired. But I wouldn’t trade my kids for anything even when they make me want to scream into a pillow.”
We both laugh together, the tension softening. “They’re good kids. Even when they’re chaos.” I squeeze her foot one more time. “I’d better get going. I need to get home.” We stand, and she slides her feet back into her flipflops.
“Thank you for a great day.” Rosalie kisses my cheek, but I wrap my arm around her waist, pull her into me, and kiss her.
“Damn, Chase. You know how to kiss.”
