“I can’t do this now. I’m not ready. I know you want to talk about what happens now, what the plan is. You’re so fucking good at making a plan, Juliette. But I can’t. Not yet. I’m not ready for a plan. I think…” He stops, collecting his thoughts.
“I think I need to be alone. I’m not good company tonight and I just…I think it would be better if I was by myself right now. The last thing I would ever want to do would be to snap at you like I snapped at the doctor or say or do anything to upset you. This is my worst nightmare, Juliette. I’ve been trying to avoid this exact thing for four years and now that it’s here…” He trails off again, face contorted in pain.
“I’ve never been here before. I don’t know what it’s going to look like while I process this. It’s not a good idea for anyone to be around me. Nobody could possibly understand how I feel right now. I barely understand how I feel right now.” His tone is exasperated. Lonely. He is all alone on this island of pain and grief without a single person who can relate.
“I need time to get myself right, and I want to protect you from that. Please.” He looks at me, his eyes pleading with me to understand.
I can feel my anxiety creep in at his withdrawal. My stomach clenching, my heart rate speeding up, my fingers reaching over to scratch at my wrist. But I take a deep breath of my own, determined to shove it down because I do understand. This isn’t personal. This doesn’t have anything to do with me, or Asher and me. He got the most devastating news of his life today, and he needs to deal with that in whatever way feels right to him. And if he needs a little space to do that, I’m going to give it to him. I’ll give him whatever he needs to get to theother side of this, to help him navigate it and figure out what comes next.
“Okay,” I say, standing from the couch and going to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and holding tight. His arms go around me too, and I feel him press a kiss to the side of my head. It’s a small gesture, but the relief it gives me is enormous. He’s going to be okay. I’ll make fucking sure of it.
“I love you, Hot Shot. You call me when you’re ready to talk.”
“I love you too, Juliette. So, so much.”
With a final squeeze of his waist I let him go, walking to the front door. He follows me, kissing my forehead before I walk out the door. When I get to my car, I turn around and see him still standing there in the doorway, backlit by the glow of the entryway light. He looks so alone framed in the doorway, his big house all around him. It feels wrong to leave him when every instinct I have is screaming at me that he needs company. And then I get an idea.
He might think there’s no one who could possibly understand what he’s going through, but that’s not actually true. He might not want my company right now, but I know someone who has been where Asher is. If Asher really wants to be alone, he can kick him out, but I suspect Asher doesn’t really want to be alone at all. He wants to be with someone who understands. And I don’t understand. Not really. Not the way he needs. But I can deliver him someone who does.
As soon as I slide into the car, I pull out my phone and bring up Jeremy’s contact. The phone starts ringing as I pull out of Asher’s driveway, and Jeremy picks up on the second ring.
“Hey Jules, what’s up?”
“Jer, I need your help.”
“Name it and I’m there.”
Chapter Forty-Three
Julie
Iprobably should have gone home, but after spending a night at Asher’s comfortable, cozy home, the thought of going to my all-white house with uncomfortable furniture and nothing personal is less than appealing. I only live a ten-minute drive away, but I don’t want to be that far away from Asher. He needs the space, but I like the idea of being close by, even if he doesn’t know I’m there. So, instead of going home, I drive down the street, and thirty seconds later I’m pulling into my parents’ driveway. I use my key to unlock the door, and as soon as I open it, I hear my dad’s voice in the kitchen and my mom’s answering laughter. The sounds of home are a warm blanket over my humming nerves. I was right to come here.
“Jules!” My mom says, when I walk through the kitchen door. “What are you doing here?”
“What? I can’t just come over and say hi to my parents?”
“You can, but you rarely come here without some kind of reason. So, what’s the reason?”
“Can’t you be a normal mom for like five minutes and just be happy I’m here?”
“Honey girl, if you want a normal mom, you’ll have to find someone different. I am who I am, and who I am knows there’s something going on with you to have you showing up at my house at six o’clock on a weeknight when everyone knows you’re never not at the office at six o’clock on a weeknight.”
I huff out a breath, dropping down at the kitchen table next to my dad. He leans over and catches me in a hug, and I feel my entire body relax. Steven Parker gives A-plus hugs.
“You know Mom, you should try not knowing everything all the time. It must get exhausting.”
“It would be more exhausting pretending I don’t know everything all the time. Are you staying for dinner? Dad made lasagna.”
“Then absolutely I am.” My dad’s lasagna is legendary, and I suddenly realize the last thing I ate today was the donut I had at nine this morning and I’m starving.
“Good. He put it in the oven right before you got here, which means you have plenty of time to tell us what’s on your mind.”
I did decide last night to talk to my parents, and since I’m right here, now seems as good a time as any. I consider how much to tell them about Asher’s diagnosis. I don’t love the idea of telling his secret, but at the same time, I want him to have all the support I can possibly give him, and there is no better support team than Rachel and Steven Parker. If he wants to be mad at me for telling my parents, he can be, but I suspect he’ll be okay with it.
“I was at Asher’s house. He got some bad news today, so I left the office to come be with him.”
“What kind of bad news?” my dad asks, a concerned look on his face.
