“So gross,” Charlie says. “She also had that laugh that made me want to stick my fingers in my ears.”
“That laugh was…intense.” My mom grimaces and then smiles at me, clearly enjoying this little interlude at my expense.
“Ashy, huh?” Julie pokes my side and grins at me.
“Don’t listen to them, Juliette. You’re the only girl for me.” I haul her into my lap and wrap my arms around her while I tug her back against my chest, and my mom and sisters are the heart eyes emoji personified. They aren’t wrong. Because the truth is, while I’ve brought girls home here and there, or, like, once, this is different. I’ve never broughtthe girlhome. And Julie is most certainlythe girl. I’ve dated occasionally during my years in the league, but I sure as shit have never felt like this.
“Anyone home?” The front door opens and closes, and my dad’s voice filters into the living room.
“In here, hon,” Mom calls. Dad walks into the living room looking a little rough after working for the last twenty-four hours, but his eyes light up when he sees everyone sitting around. “I’m going in to make coffee then I’ll be back. Someone better make a space on one of those couches because it was a long night last night.”
Now that my dad is home, my mind starts buzzing. WithKyla in the hospital the first few days we’ve been here, this is the first time my whole family is in one place, and I’m wondering if I should take this opportunity while the kids are all in school and daycare to tell them about my shoulder. I get a shot of adrenaline every time I think about it, and I’ve put it off for days, but I’m getting antsy. Julie has brought it up once or twice but doesn’t seem to want to push me into anything, which I appreciate, but I think now is the time.
“I think I’m going to tell them now,” I say to Julie, just loud enough for her to hear.
She turns sideways on my lap so she can look at me, taking one of my hands in both of hers. “Are you sure?”
My mouth turns up in a half smile that probably looks more like a grimace. “Definitely not, but I need to. It’s time.”
Her eyes are full of understanding, and she squeezes my hand. “I’m here.”
The words are simple, but my gratitude is enormous. I squeeze her hands back, leaning over and pressing a kiss to the side of her head. “I know. I couldn’t do it if you weren’t.”
“What are you two whispering about?”
I turn and see my dad walk back into the room with a giant coffee mug in one hand and two cookies in the other. He leans down to kiss three tiny baby heads and takes a seat on the couch opposite us between Charlie and Annie.
My stomach is a riot of nerves, and I look at Julie. She nods at me encouragingly and slides off my lap to sit next to me, never dropping my hand. I clear my throat.
“I have something I need to tell you all. It’s important.” I look around the room at my family and everyone is looking at me, their faces open and ready to hear whatever it is that I have to tell them. I hope they still feel that way when I’m done. I’m not sure where to start exactly, so I just open my mouth and words pour out. I tell them everything. About getting hurt inmy fourth year, and not getting better, and the secret doctor’s visit, and the anti-inflammatory injections, and how after my injury in the playoff game I’ve been hurting more this offseason than ever before. I don’t look at anyone the whole time I speak. My eyes stay fixed on the babies in front of me and Julie’s hand tight around mine. But as I finish, I finally look up and meet their eyes.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you. That I let you down. I know it was wrong, but all I wanted was to play football. I’m a quarterback. It’s been my whole life, and if I don’t have it anymore, I don’t know…” My voice breaks then, and I close my eyes and take a deep breath to get myself together. “If I don’t have football anymore, I have no idea who I am.”
The room is silent for ten seconds before Kyla leans over and lays her head on my shoulder, wrapping me in a tight side hug.
“You should have told me, Ash,” She whispers. “I never would have judged you for it.” Her voice is thick, and I see tears streaming down her face. “I’m so sorry you’ve been going through this alone for so long.”
I lean my head on hers, relief coursing through me at my sister and best friend’s easy acceptance of my deepest secret.
My mom gets up from her chair and comes to sit on her knees in front of me. She takes my free hand in one of hers and cups my cheek with her other. “Asher Hansley, I believe I taught you better than to keep secrets like this from us. You can tell us anything; you know that. In this house, none of my children ever get in trouble for telling the truth. I’m going to ignore the fact that you kept this from us for all these years and tell you I’m proud of you for telling us now. This couldn’t have been easy for you.” She turns to Julie and takes one of her hands too. “I assume you had something to do with him finally tellingus the truth?”
“Oh, um, no. I didn’t do anything.”
“She did. I told her while we were on our trip, and it gave me the courage to tell you too.”
“Well then.” She leans up and wraps Julie in a hug. “I already loved you for making Asher so happy. Now I love you for making him brave.”
Julie returns the hug, looking a little shell-shocked. I let go of her hand and slide my arm around her back.
When Mom releases Julie, she gets up and goes back to her seat but doesn’t stop talking.
“Asher, honey, you’re a quarterback, but you are also so much more. You are a part of this family. You’re a wonderful son and uncle and brother, and you love hard and deeply. There are so many parts of you beyond football quarterback, but I think it’s been so long since you thought about those parts that you’ve forgotten they exist. Take some time and think about it. There’s a whole world out there waiting for you when football is over, whenever that might be. You know we’ll be with you every step of the way, even when you go back to Pittsburgh. And I have a sneaking suspicion that when you do go back, you won’t be alone there, either.” She gives Julie a meaningful look.
She smiles and leans into me. “He won’t be alone. I swear it. My twin brother Ben and his two best friends have already adopted Asher into their little group. And, well, he has me too. I’m not going anywhere.” She shrugs as a blush crawls up her face, and it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.
“Aw, Juliette, does that mean you’re my girlfriend now?”
She gives me a bland look. “You mean I wasn’t before?”
