He chuckled and I could hear the bitterness in the sound. “And what? Spend Christmas alone? I can’t do that toyou.”
I felt hollow. Because what Taylor didn’t realize was that even though I was surrounded by his Dad and his dad’s family and Scott year after year… Ialwaysfelt like I spent Christmas alone. Until last night. It was the first Christmas Eve in years that I didn’t feel so dreadfully sad andalone.
Taylor sighed. “We both know Scott will never let you be alone for Christmas Eve dinner. So, then he’ll stop going to my dad’s for the holidays, too. And my dad will feel like he lost both of you because of me. I can’t do that to you or Scott. Orhim.”
“Okay,” I said carefully, standing. My fingertips pressed against the grainy wood and I used that solid foundation to stabilize myself. “I see your scenario and I raise you a situation. What if wedowork out? What if this thing between us ends up being real? And these affectionate feelings we have for each other grows over the next year or two years or ten years. And we fall in love. And we marry. And we spend every Christmas happily together. What if all that concern you have is for nothing, but we never find out because you never gave us thechance?”
He licked his lips, hands clamped to his hips. “Is it worth riskingeverything?”
“I know my answer. And I thinkyouknow my answer. So, what’syours?”
He stared at the floor for what felt like hours, and with each passing second that he didn’t look into my eyes—that he didn’t choose me—I felt pieces of my heart chippingaway.
After a long silence, he said, “I’m afraid this could get reallymessy.”
“Are you seriously going to let fear dictate your life again?” I shoved my chair aside so abruptly that it startledhim.
He jerked back like I had struck him. “Again?”
“Yes,again. You didn’t come back to Maple Grove foryears—”
“Because I wasmad, not because I wasafraid.”
I threw my hands up. “That’sbullshit.”
Taylor’s eyes went wide and he stood from the table as well. “Did you just curse? I don’t think I’ve ever heard you cursebefore.”
“Nuh-uh,” I put a finger up in his face. “Don’t change the subject. You were afraid of getting hurt. Of someone betraying you. Of having to face yourmonsters.”
“You’re one to talk,” Taylor cut in, pacing around my kitchen island. “You live here in Maple Grove teaching the thing you want to be doing yourself because you’re too afraid to get out there andgofor it. Don’t lecture me about fear,Paige.”
I swallowed, angry tears rising in my eyes. “That was a lowblow.”
Taylor held his hands out as though we were demonstration enough. “Look at us. Barely a day together and we’re already fightingdirty.”
I shook my head and walked to the small Christmas tree in my living room. From beneath it, I pulled out two wrapped presents and the card taped to the front, placing it on the table. “Onlyoneof us was fighting dirty. Fighting is just a part of growth and relationships. Fighting dirty is forcowards.”
I couldn’t stand there any longer. I couldn’t stand there and wait for him to make the decision that would leave me alone once again. I couldn’t stand there and watch as he walked out of mylife.
I grabbed Maisey’s leash hanging in the kitchen and I could feel Taylor’s eyes following my every step. “Where are yougoing?”
“I’m giving you your presents, and taking Maisey for a walk,” I said, moving closer into Taylor and wrapping my arms around his waist. I closed my eyes, resting my cheek on his chest and listened to the rhythmic pulse of his heart against his ribcage. “I’ll be gone for twenty minutes,” I added quietly. “And in that time, make your decision. Whether you’re in or out, I won’t hold it against you. I won’t be mad if you leave. It won’t change the holidays for next year.” I spoke past the tightness in my throat, willing myself to hold back the tears until I got outside. “I think it will be easier for you to choose without me here, staring you down as you try tothink.”
I pushed onto my toes and pressed my mouth gently to his as one tear slid down my cheek, disappearing between us. I prayed that he didn’t feel that tear, that it could remain my littlesecret.
Twenty-four hours ago, Taylor Wilson was just a memory to me. He was just a boy I had once known. I always knew he could change my life. But that was completely wrong. He wasn’t just changing my life… I was changing his. Or I could, if only he would letme.
I pulled back from the kiss, opening my eyes just in time to catch a glimpse of his eyes blinking open, a sheen of unshed tears reflecting against their crystal hue. “Just know… that right now, I’m in. I’m all in. And I believe we could make this work. But I don’t want to be with someone who’s afraid to be with me. I don’t want someone who’s only half invested in me. Either way, Taylor Wilson,” I cupped his jaw, brushing my thumb over the razor-sharp line of his cheekbone and took in every angle, every curve, and memorizing every line of his face because it might be the last time I see him this up close and personal. “MerryChristmas.”
I clipped Maisey’s leash to her collar and walked out into the snowy night, hoping that wasn’t our lastgoodbye.
