13
Paige
Somethingchanged.
After Taylor came back from the restroom, he was different. Distant. Even though he was going through the motions and technically did everything correct, something was stilloff.
His hand entwined with mine, but he didn’t squeeze or hold me with the same affection as before. He gazed at me now with eyes that were sad; like he was mourning something. Or mourning something yet tohappen.
The rest of the evening at his dad’s house went smoothly. While normally in other years, I would have stayed for dinner, tonight was for Taylor. And it was clear he needed to take it slower than that. Pre-dinner drinks was all he couldhandle.
We grabbed sushi takeout on the way back to my house, the car ride was eerily quiet for the whole drive. Had it really only been 24 hours since we saw each other at Cam and Lydia’s party last night? So much had happened in that time. My gaze trailed to his as he pulled down the dirt road behind the Maple Grove Inn to my littlecabin.
And yet, even though yesterday felt like a lifetime ago, things seemed to have mostly stayed the same. Maybe Christmas miracles were a bunch of horse crap, and the past 24 hours— including all our talk of the future— were just the pipedreams of two people who’d lost most of their family and had been affection starved foryears.
I swallowed, looking down at the paper bag containing more sushi than two people could ever eat. I didn’t want to believe that what happened between Taylor and me was already fading. In my heart, I knew that I liked Taylor. I could see myself falling for him in the future. I could see us making it work and building a life. But none of that mattered if he couldn’t see it,too.
He put the car in park and gave me a weak smile that didn’t reach his eyes before he took the bag of food from my lap and exited thecar.
This wasn’t how Christmas Eve was supposed to feel. I wasn’t supposed to be entering my house with dread heavy in my belly. Eggnog was supposed to be heavy in my belly—not sadness andfear.
Taylor bent down, greeting Maisey with more happiness than he’d shown me in the last two hours, and I watched from the doorway, crossing my arms. “What’s wrong,Taylor?”
“Hmm?” He glanced up from pettingMaisey.
“I asked what’s wrong? Because you’ve been acting weird ever since we arrived at your dad’s. And… and I know that couldn’t have been easy for you, so I’m trying not to pressure you into talking. But I don’t know if my heart can take a Christmas Eve filled with silence andtension.
He sighed and stood, grabbing the bag of sushi just before Maisey nosedived into our dinner. He set it on the table, then took a seat. “I’m… I’m processing what happenedstill.”
“Was it seeing Scottthere?”
He swallowed, the thick pillar of his throat tightening with the movement. “At first, yeah. At first I was jealous that Scott managed to have such a good relationship with a man I’d known for years and could never connect to… but that’s not what’s bothering menow.”
I moved to the kitchen table and sat across from him, sliding my hand over his. “Thenwhat?”
“It—it was seeing you there. You’re already part of my dad’s family, independent of me. Independent ofus.”
What was he talking about? “I see them at Christmas, Thanksgiving, and occasionally on Scott’s birthday. That’sit.”
He raised his brows in my direction, like he was issuing me a challenge. “Well, they consider you part of thefamily.”
Warmth spiraled in my chest at the sentiment. It was so sweet. Especially since I didn’t feel like I had a family in years. At least, not in the traditional sense. Yes, Scott and I were family, and I loved Kyra and Yvonne like they were my sisters. But I didn’t have a ton of siblings, or grandparents or cousins who hosted big, elaborate meals that we cooked together. We went to Taylor’s dad’s house for that—Oh. The truth of that slammed into me. “I never saw it that way,” I whispered, “but I see what your dad means. I’ve been going there for years, ever since my momdied.”
Taylor nodded. “Dad brought up a good point to me. What happens if we don’t work out? Would I not visit Maple Grove anymore? Never come back for a holiday dinneragain?”
I squeezed his hand. “Taylor, that’s crazy. Of course you’d come home. He’syourfather.”
Moisture brimmed his red-rimmed eyes. “And then what about you? Are we going to be able to have holiday dinners together if this doesn’t workout?”
I swallowed, my throat burning. “Of—of course. We’re both adults. If this doesn’t workout—”
“And then what if one of us meets someone else? What if one of usmarriessomeone else and all of a sudden you’re bringing Dave Bolton todinner?”
“Dave? What?Taylor, I think you’reoverreacting.”
He tugged his hand from beneath mine and stood, running his hands down his face. “Am I?” He shook his head. “I don’t think I am. This could get messy—fast.”
I shrugged and let my hands hit the wooden table top. “Fine. If we break up, then I won’t go to your dad’s for the holidays anymore. Problemsolved.”
