I’m so happy to hear that! But what about… you know. Are you going to tell Ryan what happened?
Amy McDonald 6:41 PM:
I don’t think so. Is that awful? I just don’t think Ryan knowing about what I did would help anything. If we’re going to have a real shot, I think I have to learn from it and just move past it.
I pondered this for a second. What would I do in the same situation? I wasn’t sure. But as Amy said, what good would come from telling Ryan that she’d cheated? If the experience only made her want to commit more fully to Ryan, to try harder with him? In the end, would that be so bad? I’d never expected Amy to be perfect—Lord knows I wasn’t—and it wasn’t my place to tell her what her relationship needed. My place was to support her, mistakes and all.
Rachel Weiss 6:43 PM:
Ok. I support your decision, Ames.
Eva chimed in with her reactions a while later, but Sumira didn’t. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who noticed. Eva messaged us asking if we’d heard from Sumira lately. In fact, none of us had heard from her since she bailed on Amy’s birthday and Jane’s viewing party. We all agreed to call her and leave voicemails, thinking that would get a rise out of her (since Sumira hates voicemails).
She hadn’t responded by the next morning, but I had other things to think about. Today was my first educational session at work. I prepared by drinking a venti nitro cold brew. The barista had claimed that they weren’t allowed to serve nitro in such a large size due to health risks, but I sweet-talked him into it. As I made the final preparations for my session, my heart beat so fast I could see it when I blinked.
By noon I was still alive, still highly caffeinated, and also a huge success. I was undoubtedly the best teacher those techies ever had. We had a phenomenal discussion. Kenneth was practically floating with joy, it went so well. I couldn’t wait for the next one. (Did I really just say that aboutwork?)
That night I was eating takeout sushi on my couch to celebrate my success when my phone pinged.
Sumira Khan sent a photo at 7:47 PM.
Sumira! I happily opened the group chat. Wait. Had she just sent us a picture of a handwritten letter? What the…?
Feeling uneasy, I opened the image and zoomed in to read it.
My dear friends,
I don’t know how to do this.
I don’t know what to say.
I just know I have to say it.
I’m writing you this letter because it’s gone too far now for me to tell you in person. I wouldn’t know how to begin. So I need to get all my thoughts out at once, on paper.
I’ll rip the Band-Aid off first and then try to explain. I’m engaged. I’m getting married in two months. I’m marrying Ajay—Rachel met him at my work party. You might remember I went out with him on Valentine’s Day. And then we continued seeing each other. And we got engaged in July. Our imam chose December 13th as our lucky date. And so, here we are.
I’ve thought long and hard about why I’ve hidden all of this from you. You’re my best friends. At first, I think I was just embarrassed because Rachel made fun of Ajay for being so young (and he is—he’s twenty-four). I didn’t know if anything was going to come of it, so Ididn’t mention it. And then when things started getting more serious, I couldn’t see how to bring it up, since I’d hidden it from you in the beginning.
And there was part of me that was defiant, that wanted to have secrets. Secrets that I didn’t share in the group chat or on social media. It felt good, after a while, to have a secret that I could hold, intact, something big and important that hadn’t been picked over and analyzed to death. I don’t mean anything against you when I say this. I’ve loved overanalyzing everything that’s happened to us in the last decade. It’s just that I never expected to feel so free when I finally kept something to myself. So that is why I kept this from you, in the end. It started with a few omissions and with a secret that kept getting bigger and bigger. And then it turned into something that made me feel somehow both selfish and superior, and more than a little satisfied. But I don’t want—I never wanted—this to come between us, and I don’t want it to ruin our friendship. I need you all in my life. I want you in my wedding. It just became harder and harder to tell you.
I don’t know how I would feel if one of you kept a secret like this from me. I don’t know if it will even be possible for you to forgive me. I just know I had to tell you.
With love,
Sumira
Sumira Khan has left the chat.
My salmon nigiri turned to dust in my mouth. My best friend was engaged? To a man I hadn’t even known she was dating? How could she keep this from us?
My phone rang with a FaceTime call from Eva. I answered it to see both Eva and Amy already on the call.
“Guys?” Eva said. “Will you say something?”
“I don’t know what to say.” Amy sounded hollow. “Did you know?”
We both shook our heads.
