Maybe if I keep going and doing what I’m doing, I’ll eventually find a version of myself I recognize.
Chapter 19
SLADE
“Mama! Wook what Swade found.”
Ollie busts through the back door, and I follow, the scent of spices and tomato floating in the air.
He uncurls his fingers to show Sarah the fuzzy brown and black striped caterpillar we found in the leaves.
She bends to look at it as it crawls around his palm, and he stops it from falling with his other hand.
“Swade said we’re g-going to get lots of s-snow this winter.”
She runs her finger over the crawling fuzz. “He’s cute. Did you name him?”
“No. Swade said we have to put him back.”
Sarah glances at me as Frankie climbs up her leg to see. “That’s a smart idea. Then it can build a cocoon. I bet he’s a vveerry hungry caterpillar.” Sarah tickles him, and he giggles.
“Let’s go put it back in the leaves,” I say.
“Aw. Not yet,” he whines.
“You only have a few minutes. Dinner will be ready soon.” Sarah runs a hand over his head.
The stove holds two pots, and one of them is boiling.
I lean to see what’s cooking. “What is it? It smells good.”
Her hands move to her hips. “Don’t sound so surprised, you big lug. It is good.” She grabs the wooden spoon and stirs whatever is in the pot.
I feel something at my feet and peer down at Frankie, pulling on the laces of my boots. Her blue eyes stare up at me as if she is testing the waters. I reach down and pick her up. Her eyes widen, and she studies me closely, completely unsure.
“We’re having what I like to call Awesome Chicken and—”
Sarah stops mid-sentence, and now both she and Frankie are staring at me.
Frankie uses her pointer finger and hesitantly pokes my beard. Sarah watches her explore my face, her little finger moving to my lips.
I fake-bite it, and she bursts out in giggles. She does it again, and I snap my teeth at her finger. Ollie laughs this time.
Sarah’s mouth turns upward into a soft smile, her head falling to the side.
I do it a third time, then let Frankie catch her breath, and her head drops to my shoulder.
I squint my eyes at Sarah. “Don’t look so surprised. I have held a baby before.”
Her smile turns into the real deal, stretching so far it reaches into my chest and tugs something loose, making it just a little difficult to take a full breath.
When Frankie puts that little chubby finger in front of my mouth, I snap one last time, making Sarah laugh, too. I like the sounds rolling through my kitchen way more than I should, and I don’t want it to stop.
“Hey. What’s with all the giggling?” Krissy enters the kitchen in scrubs, saving me from letting a desire resurface that I let die long ago.
She runs a hand over Frankie’s back before moving past me to inspect what’s cooking on the stove. “This smells amazing.” She lifts the top of the pot and inhales.
“Do you have time to eat with us?” Sarah asks, pulling plates from the cabinet.
