Jessen’s words give me pause. Yes, I absolutely am willing for this to be more – I just didn’t think he’d feel the same. I know it’s my own prejudice and, God forgive me, I stereotyped him as wanting to be free to make those meaningless hookups he spoke about.
“I’m one hundred percent happy for this to be more. I thought my feelings were one-sided, is all.”
His demeanor intense, Jessen leans over, surrounding me in his heat. “Definitely not one-sided, gorgeous. Getting to know you has shown me what I’ve never known I wanted and was missing in my life.”
At my sharp inhale, a smile spreads across his lips, right before he touches them to my own. What starts out as gentle exploration quickly turns heated, combustible. I want so badly to be like other women, to feel that intense release that catapults you over the edge and into ecstasy. But I never have, and I’m too nervous to tell Jessen I’ve never orgasmed for a man before.
God, just thinking the words make me cringe. Something must transmit itself to him as he pulls back and gives me a searching look. “You okay? Still with me?”
“Yeah, I’m still with you.”
“You’d tell me if there was a problem, right?”
“Absolutely,” I lie with a straight face. I can’t bring myself to say the words out loud. What if it’s true and Iamnothing more than the frigid bitch I’ve been accused of being? To see disgust inJessen’seyes would kill something inside me. Something I’ll never be able to bring back to life.
“The fact that you’ve tensed up all over again kinda makes me wonder if that’s accurate. Did I do something you don’t like? You gotta talk to me, gorgeous. If I do something wrong, you need to feel safe enough to tell me.”
Uncomfortable with how quickly he’s clued into my emotions so accurately, I nod. “I will.” To distract him, I change the subject. “Kiss me.”
With one final look, he does as I ask and then some. Jessen kisses me breathless. Yet, while he makes me breathless, not to mention wet, I’m unable to fully give myself over to feeling and sensation as I did just moments ago. I’m too caught up in my own head, worry now clouding my mind.
What if he discovers that I’m defective? That I’m unable to orgasm for a man? Sex has never brought me those mind-blowing moments that my friends all talk about, and it’s been a deal breaker in the past. What if it happens tonight? If it did, that would just break my heart.
I go through the motions, pretending nothing is wrong.
And that causes its own stress since I’m sure Jessen knows, or at least suspects, that something’s off here. If he figures out I can’t find pleasure in sex like normal people do, he’ll know there’s something fundamentally flawed in me. I’ve gotten pretty good at faking my responses over the years, so I fall back on old habits.
The tips of his fingers slide through my wetness. An unfamiliar sensation washes over me as he sinks them into my core. Curving his fingers, he strikes that sensitive spot deep within. The muscles of my channel tighten, and I want to cry out an objection when he withdraws. I can feel myself reaching for … that sensation that comes over me when I pleasure myself.
And I want more.
“I’ll be right back. Don’t have any fun without me.” A wicked grin spreads across his lips. “On second thought, you go right ahead and have some fun without me. Show me how you touch yourself.”
“Jessen, I–”
“Don’t go all shy on my now, gorgeous. What happens here, between us – it’s natural, nothing to be embarrassed about. Pleasure is a beautiful thing, no matter who’s doing the pleasuring.” Dropping a quick kiss on my nose, he gets to his feet. “Show me.”
It’s the thick rasp of arousal I hear in his words that has me reaching down with a hesitant hand to do as he asks. I spread my legs a little wider to give Jessen a better view, then rub a finger over the pebbled nub. Exquisite sensation streaks through me.
“God, yes. That’s it, baby. Show me how you like to be touched.”
My arousal-glazed eyes take in the glorious sight that is Jessen, naked as the day he was born, with the most impressive hard-on I’ve ever seen. I watch him roll a condom over the girth of that rock-hard dick, and everything in me tightens at the thought of welcoming him into my body.
Hope blooms that maybe this time will be different. Maybe he’s the one to ignite the fire that will melt this “Ice Queen”, one of the many names I’ve been called in the past.
My heart skips a beat as he returns to the bed, standing for a long moment beside it, simply watching me. His eyes are hooded with the desire I can so clearly see reflected there.
“Fair warning,” he says as he climbs back onto the bed, “it’s been a while for me. So I’m going to apologize up front – this first time likely isn’t going to last long, but I promise to make it up to you.”
Not quite sure how to respond, I simply nod.
Jessen eases into me, and I can’t help the low moan of pleasure that escapes me. It’s a tight fit, but God it feels incredible. Slowly, he inches his big dick into me until I’m filled to overflowing, surrounded by him and swimming in an ocean of foreign sensations. His own groan echoes mine of moments before.
Wrapping my legs around his waist, I meet him thrust for thrust, the pressure inside me building almost unbearably. The feeling of reaching for that unknown something of earlier is back, stronger than before, but before I can grasp it Jessen tucks his face into my neck with a deep groan.
Disappointment is sharp and nasty, hooking its claws deep and leaving me unfulfilled – a feeling I’m intimately familiar with. A sense of panic adds itself to the mix, and before I can stop myself, I lapse into my old habit of faking it.
The muscles in Jessen’s back tense under my hands and a sick feeling of tension balls up in my stomach. Wordlessly, he collapses onto me, careful to keep his full weight off me for a long minute before he rolls to his back on the bed beside me.
